poems

Untitled
She lays in bed screaming inside. Her bones ache and her heart pounds pain. She wants to tell you, she loves you, she wants you to know, but you can’t. She can’t tell you what her soul longs to pour out, she must keep it safe inside. Her fear of being crushed prevents the secret from leaving her lips. But her eyes tell you everything.

Was it love
I will never forget the burning pain
The pounding ache inside my heart
Was it love, or am I insane

I want to be set free, to undo the chain
Each tear that fell was a work of art
I will never forget the burning pain

My heart was dead, it had been slain
My dreams had all been ripped apart
Was it love, or am I insane

I was falling backward, there was no gain
Was it all a lie from the start?
I will never forget the burning pain

It felt spectacular, it wasn’t plain
In the bull’s eye with the dart
Was it love, or am I insane

Until I’m old and grey and need a cane
When my brain gives out and I lose my smart
I will never forget the burning pain
Was it love, or am I insane

Loving eyes
When she looks into your warm loving eyes
She can’t help but have a little more hope

She trusts you not to tell her lies
She holds on tight, lets you pull the rope

She trusts that you care, and that you are wise
And that with her craziness you can cope

She maybe be quirky and a little odd
But her beauty is, she loves God

nicole massey december 2005

love songs

i am updating val! my baby cousin is up to 6lbs 13 ounces! huge! Christmas shopping done basically, still have baking to do. i joined the church choir...:S now, i have become obsessed with love songs, know any good ones? love you!

fabulous!

ok so totally fabulous night! i was talking to someone i thought it was going to be rought to talk to and God just opened my eyes up! i feel so content and fabulous! God is awesome!!! that is all i need to say, God is awesome! i don't fit a mould...but neither did martin luther. i like me, all of me. JESUS I TRUST IN YOU ALONE! good night everyone.

i am laying in bed

so i am laying here and i decided to check my blog, and to my delight and amusment both dennis and val commented lol. awesome. thank you dennis... it is kinda' weird...and such a hard thing to grasp....knowing you are forgiven...for all the jerky things....man...i don't like a trillion everyday and i don't even notice. like now for example, and val this answers your question, am i ok, well i am ok. i jsut have no idea where my life is going or what i am supposed to be doing with it. its so difficult to have faith, and to know that it is in God's hands, and that i don't have to worry about it. worrying is a difficult habbit to kick. and its expecially hard when i look into my future and i have no idea what i see. i am ok, i jsut need to learn to have more faith. i am dealing with it again now, i thikn i sent you the email, but luke has no money, and he needs money and so i sent out an email to the people we know asking them to donate what they can, and i feel so like...people are just goign to think i am dumb and not help, but i know that even if they don't help its in God's hands, and luke is in God's hands as well. its jsut hard to really believe that for me for some reason. i hope things are well with you dennis and val, and with lael and the baby, and i hope things are well for whoever reads this. and remember everyone, God is in control...remember nicole, God is in control. i love you guys and i miss you. and sorry dennis i don't nkow what else to say about val that would be amusing...but i guess just making this blog directed to the two of you should help LOL. name this baby Acanthus, or Apple, or Buttercup, or Cotton, hahaha or any other names from this site http://www.alternativebabynames.com/index.php?goto=nature there are so many ridiculous names out there lol. if you are reading this julie, you shoudl name your baby form here too lol. i miss you val!

yep

life is just plain difficult. does anyone know what they are doing? or do they know whats going on? if any of you do, please tell me.

yay

well my brother's football team won COSSA today! that is the central ontario finals, and since its a junior team, that it! so they won it all! that was exciting! check the examiner tomorrow! i am going to see my new baby cousin tomorrow. his name is braydon and he was born on october 30, and was 4 lbs 2 ounces! so thats pretty exciting as well! remember to keep praying for luke in ecuador. love you all! especially you val! see i still got you in! lol.

val

i can't get to your blog ...what is it? i clicked the link...no cigar...which is ok cuz cigars are gross...but no blog either :( the 5th floor sucks, and i have been hearing a couple of stories too :S:S its hutch 5 though....so maybe the part where the babies are born is clean...and maybe the patients are taken care of? i didn't know babies are born on that floor...anywya...just don't get sick and you should be just fine. i'll let you know more about my internship once i actually pick exactly what i am going to do first. i thnk the ultimate goal is to get younger peopole going to the church. so youth group, kids club, afterschool homework club, sunday school, contemporary worship night...lots of things we want to do, but we'll see if we can acclomplish anything. its all goign to basically left up to me which is scarey so please pray for me. i will also likely be joining the choir(scarey) and doing administartion stuff and a slew of other things..basically whever i am needed i will be, plus if i want to learn about something they will let me do that too. love you val, and can't wait 'till the baby comes... gonna' name him ziggy witt? or her psychy queen? ah the good solid names. my aunt got flown back to her home hospital in new market today, and i am goign to see her on the weekend. she is 32 weeks today, and i image the baby will be comming in the next few weeks, cuz the baby is putting pressure on the placenta and so pushing on her cervix and so its getting more likely that she is going to hemorage. the baby is about 4 lbs now, so hopefully she can make it 34 weeks, and the baby should be big enough to not have to stay in the hospital too long. they wont let me name their kid either:S ya'll are wimps! lol but i do know that he or she will be getting a LEAF jersy at a very young age...courtesy of mom and i! haha love you val!

grr

no one ever comments :(

ok now

alright, well i got my internship, i found that out nearly a week ago now, but i haven't put it up here. i am super excited about it...like for real!!! it sould be sooo much fun! a lot of work, but a lot of fun too!!!! my grandpa got transported to princess margret in toronto, so although its far and we can't go vist often, at least he is actually getting good care. civic hospital, aka peterborough reginal health centre blows. the care just sucks hard core, and the place is flithy....at least the 5th floor is anyway...made me sick....and was making him sicker. so he is way better off in TO and is doing so much better already. aunt meaghan started bleeding agin today, and the care in ottawa isn't that sweet either. originally they told her to take a commercial flight, or a taxi home to TO, but now they are going to air lift her back to her home hospital, thank the Lord, because if she started bleeding half way on that 5 hour drive home she and the baby could have died. she is 31 weeks and 3 days now, so thats awesome, and she will be 32 weeks on thursday, and that is when she will be air lifted back to new market, and that is where the baby will be born...likely in the next couple weeks:) she isn't due until Christmas, but the baby weighs 4 lbs and she should be good to go now:) my grandma is also still in the hospiutal but doing awesomely, she can really move around with her good leg and her arms now. other than all of that i think every thing here is great. i would still appreciate your prayers for all of these things, and for luke who is still in ecuador until the 22 of december. sorry this is so long, i love you all!

hi

i'm still kicking, i'm just not the happiest camper in the world... grandpa is back in the hospital because he is sick which is bad when you have chemo cuz you can die from anything. so anywya we have the stupid poodle again:(:( its such a horrible beast. anyway, please be praying for me and my family. and luke....read my blog and comment!!!

spiderman wears a pink bow.

right now i am at belinda's house. my computer is a piece of crap. it wont let me open anything....except msn....and windows media player...and solitaire....and i am sure a few other things i don't care about....but all the stuff i do care about of course....doesn't work. Spiderman is wearing a pink bow in kyle's room....kyle being my brother's friend, and my friend's little brother. b is shinning a laser in my eyes, over and over, and now is wearing sunglasses incase the laser bounces off of me and gets her... neat.... anyway this may be my last blog for a while... i know you all missme...especially you val:D oh and especially luke....since besides belinda you are the only ones who read this lol. love you! and aunt shmoo loves you luke!

hmm

luke, update your blog or i will!!!! please pray for me guys, i am having a hard tme right now. and thanks to abbie i have been remnded to "trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding". its just hard to have that much faith so please pray for me.

hey

ok so i am still sick....this is getting ridiculous. i had to chage my blog settings because i was getting blog comment spam....retards....anyway, now you will have to type in a word that you see to make sure that you are a people and not someone's stupid machine sending me garbage that no one wants. does spam actually work anyway? i mean do people ever buy their crap? i can see that some folks might visit the website to see what the fuss is about, but...i mean is it worth annoying like a million people to have one person visit your webiste and then quickly leave when they realize it sucks? people are annoying. why, just this morning i was trying to sleep, and my aunt called at 7 20 just to chat it up with my mom...for an hour...while she was trying to get my brother read for school....and then there are the idiots that keep calling here trying to sell us stuff, and trying to get us to give them things or whatever.....they called 3 times yesterday and then started today off bright and early at about 9...what...were we first on the list? so my trailer plans have been changed and i am going to hang out this weekend, and then next weekend we are gonig to the trailer. i was supposed to be going to a wedding...but stil no invitation...our mail service sucks....she already sent it once and it never got here, and so she sent it again and it should be here by now....ugh....whatever mail people...you annoy me. hope everyone else is having a good day....oh and here is a happy though, that luke will like i am sure, whenever you see a flock of geese flying shouth...or east as our confused geese have been doing for the past few weeks....just remember that some of those geese aren't going to make it. they are going to be shot down and will have the feathers ripped out, and will either be gutted, or have their breasts ripped off...and will cook away at some one's house right before they are eatin up! oh happy times. my brother came home with a bunch a coupld of weeks ago...but its almost bow season for deer now, so birds will take a back seat! i am coughing and coughing again so i need to go lay down or something to make it stop. later ya'll!

arg

my daddy didn't buy the puppy....i am not a happy camper...at all. the only thing that made me happy when i got home yesterday was reading luke's comment on my blog. jajaja auntie shmoo loves you little luke! but i still want a basset hound puppy:(:(:(. i like that i beat my fish to death and then looked at his picture while i ate him! ha....i also got the pictures back from the cray fish i hit with a flamming stick and then threw in the fire and ate. hmm soo what else is new...oh i have been sick for almost a week and now my lungs are still full but i cant' cough it up anymore my lungs are too week and so breathing sucks. i am going to the trailer this weekend with courtney(boy) and nicki, and maybe someone else i don't know yet. but yeah. please keep praying about my grandparents and about my internship. i think thats pretty much it, my brother wants to goon now, so i am gonna' go. i love whoever reads this! oh and you can comment now b! i changed it!

hmmpf

no one loves me. oh but at least i got to eat billy. billy was my fish that i caught and bashed his head then my dad chopped him up...well then we froze him, and tonight i cooked him and ate him...while looking at his picture! waaahahahaha.... mmm billy....

"I've been wandering around the house all night wondering what the hell to do I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home I'm tired of being all alone got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me of you baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love the days go on and on and the nights just seem so long even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it should things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone I've been driving up and down these streets trying to find somewhere to go ya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one I know this is torture - this is pain - it feels like I'm gonna go insane I hope you're coming back real soon -cuz I don't know what to do" - anyone else notice that bryan adams is a genius? anyone else go to see him in concert? oh i sure did, at the mem centre...YAY! songs in general are pretty good...i can write lyrics...but i want to learn to write music too....who wants to learn me? my grandma is feeling pretty sick...they gave her tylonal 3's and she is a bit allergic to codene so that wasn't cool. they keep doing tests on her though and everything is normal so that is good:). please keep praying about my grandparents and for my internship please. i love you belinda! i think i have a cold...or at least my chest hurts a lot and i am coughing...but i don't have a runny nose or anything...who's a doctor?

hi

hello everyone. i wanted to say that my grandma had a fall yesterday. she got a relaly bad gash in her leg and broke her femer. she has to be in the hospital for a few weeks and then can't put weight on it for 4-6 months. please pray for her, and for my grandpa. she is the wife of my grandpa that has leukemia. also, this is going to put stress on my family financialy, as we will have eto be at the house with my grandpa, and making sure he can get to treatmentsd and is taken care of, and someone will have to sleep there everynight, and someone will also have to be with my grandma to take care of her. plus we will have to remodel their house and make it wheel chair accessible so that she can live there. thank you so much for your prayers. my grandpa has had his second round and is at home waiting for his counts to go back up. then he will do his third round, and then hopefully one of his siblings is a match and he can get a bone marrow transplant, or they have a different treatment that will work. he is in remission right now, but it wont last without something like a bone marrow transplant to make it more permenant. happy news...although i have 4 dogs right now, a begal, and 3 walkers, i think tomorrow we are buying a basset hound, and picking him or her up a week from today. i say him or her because i want a girl one, but my dad and brothers want the boy one. we have one of each picked out and will decide tomorrow. this apparently will be a house dog...and according to my dad wont even be used for hunting(yeah right). it will be fun to get another dog, i went to see them today they are adorable...i am not sure if it is gongi to be a surprise for my mom to cheer her up, or if dad told her to let her pick the puppy...either way its still a surprise we are getting one, cuz she has always wanted one. klbc folks seem awesomely nice this year! i so wish i could spend more time with them. also, i have been thinking about my internship, please pray for me. now, i don't think luke ever reads this cuz he never comments, actually i don't think anyone but sarah does...but...this is your que luke bruce....do you read my blog? love ya'll

hmmm...k

ok so i never post anymore....sorry...if anyone actually reads this... anyway, ummm lots of stuff has happened i guess....but none of it really matters... ummm my grandpa got a blood infection and had to go to TO for a few days. then he came home a grey hound because he got discharged too late for a volunteer driver, and he didn't want to stay at the lodge for the night...sounds ok...except he didn't tell anyone he was doing it, so my aunt tracked him down in the transfusion unit and then had to arrange someone to pick him up, and had to tell the lodge he wasn't going there...lol... umm oh...i babysat my aunt's 3 boys lucas(2), michael(6) and josh(9). i was having a shower one morning and lucas had to go poop. well his helpful brothers(who actually do know how to help him) told him to be a big boy and go by himself. well...there was poop everywhere...walls, floors, toilet, him, and since it was on his hands he was wiping it on his brothers... ew. i had to give him a bath and soap him all up and get it all off of him, i had to scrub the floors(they let him run through the house) i had to scrub walls and the toilet and the bathtub when i was done having him in there....it was soo sick! i guess its preparing me for motherhood...although i relaly don't remember my little brother doing that....ugh....but i guess its a good selling point..i can cook and clean, take care of 3 boys, and clean up poop all in one day! oh and have time to write out some recipees. oh not to mention they are allergic to everything :S anyway, i had a great weekend last weekend, i got to see a bunch of my old highschool friends, and it was awesome! i have lost touch with most of them and even the ones i talk to i don't see often...so it was sooo great to get to see them! and to meet pam's bf liam, he seems nice. seeing dave was terrific, i haven't seen him since highschool, and i really didn't know how much i missed him until i almost cried when i saw him. he was one of my best friends, and i am glad i got to see him, i hope we can keep in touch. i hope everyone has a great weekend this weekend....and let me tell you...it feels weird not gonig back to school next week :( i hope i can go to graphite with my school! stay safe everyone, and pray for luke. oh, also if you want to mail him something but are affraid to mail it to ecuador, you can mail it to his house in fall river, and his sister can bring it to him when she goes to see him in a month. he would love to hear from you all! visit his blog for brief updates and stuff, and talk to me if you want to know more! also he is on some days at anytime between 11 am and 2 pm my time. or just email him to encourage him!

hmm

well lots has happened since my last post but i just don't feel like updating really...so...yeah...anyway hope all is well with all of you. keep praying for luke!

hello all!

so i haven't posted in forver! oh well. k so i went to my trailer for a weekend...i found out i can't wakeboard..as i sooo could not get up! so sad:(:( but, i did hit a crayfish in the lake with a flamming stick and them brought it over to the fire got it to drop its self in and then turned him and stuff until he was done and then ate him...ha. oh gosh that was fun. k well i am going to lindsays for the week, starting tomorrow night, derek is comming to get me! yay! her edding is sat the 13!!!! so soon! then i am going ot my trailer for a week! fun times! then i shall be back! please continue to pray for luke in ecuador! and also there is a girl i have met , she is considering klbc, pray that she comes!!! her name is shanna. and she is the star of my blog at this moment. and also she has an exam to write on augest 20th at noon, its kinda' important so pray about that too! also please continue to pray for my mom's back and for my grandpa with leukemia, he is going back up for his second round while i am gone. did i write about the extra death on my wall? well we have a new addition...another deer head now hangs on the living room wall...there are two deer and three fish right above me! haha hick life rocks! i love you all and i shall update you when i get home! oh p.s. andrew mackay got engaged? congrats andrew! of course i am sad you are getting married b4 me....but thats ok...awesome for you! good bye ya'll have a great 2 weeks!

finally

well i finally get to go to my trailer today....even though going today and not last night means the fishing tournament got cancled because we had the trophey...well that sucks...and we are only going for maybe only a day, but at least i finally get to go...my mother has been affraid to leave the house or something and its getting frusterating. my dad still has 3 weeks of summer holidays left to take..and there really is no time to take them in....i don't know what her problem is but we pay nearly 1000$ a year to keep the trailer there...and there is just no sense if its going to sit there unused all summer long just because she is affraid to leave the house.

reminder

for anyone who doesn't know luke's thing its lukebruce.blogspot.com he will be updating it so read it, and remember to pray for him! i might update my blog later...if you are lucky...

safe

luke is in ecuador and he is safe! he emailed his sister...i have no updates other than that but just keep checking his blog for details! i watched his little plane fly accross my screen awesomeness...and fun! keep him in your prayers folks! and i am sure he is very thankful for the prayers thus far :).
on another note lindsay's wedding is comming up soon!!! i so can't wait its going to be so awesome!

and it begins

life without luke for 5 months. thats right folks, mister bruce is leaving for ecuador tomorrow, so please keep him in your prayers! pray for a safe flight(including having to stay in new jersy for 7 hours) as well as for his health while he is there and the health of the ecuadorians in the mountains because there is a disease that is killing them. there are other thigns to pray for as well. i am gonna' miss you mister luke bruce. he also has a prayer meeting with his elders tomorrow morning so if you could be praying then as well that would be awesome! also pray about school stuff in january.

also, can you please pray for my mother as her back is getting so bad she can only wear a towel adn she can't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or to the doctor's. she is having an mri at somepoint to see if she ahs multiple sclerosis...whcihc would be a very bad thing, so please pray that she doens't have that, but that whatever she does have they can find and fix it soon so she doens't have to be in pain anymore. also she found out today she has a pinched nerve in her hip which only adds to the problem. her back has gotten so bad that the doctor has put her on a few medications and even her whole head hurts really bad. please pray for my mother, and continue to pray for my grandpa.

hmm oh and today i stepped on something i am not sure what...my guess would be a nail...anyway it went into my foot and back out and i couldn't find what it was it was on the grass whatever it was, and it made my foot bleed a lot...and hurt...sucky!!! plus i need to get a stupid booster shot thing...blah...i hate needles sooo much...they make me cry everytime. frig. wow this is a huge blog! i hope you all are doing well, i love you, especially you luke, have an awesome safe time and remember to duck down if need be:) if you get bored just think of aunt shmoo, and how much she cares, and think about the name picking machine for well...you know when...and think about funnystone, and all the rest of fun that you can remember:)

woo hoo

ok ok so my friend victoria and i wen tot mexicali rosa's tonight...awesomenes!! i only got a burger though...i am borring...but then even more awesomeness we went to see fake elvis at the fesitval of lights tonight!! oh yeah!!! fake elvis....thats right!!! hahaha...and then we saw fire works...great night:) i love the festival of lights! who wants to go with me next time? i hope everyone is having a great weekend! oh...a random parade went by my house today...i thought the canada day parade going by was random enough but oh no...today a shriner's parade went by...sooo random...and it was liek huge it was the biggest parade this town ahs ever seen lol!!! it was quite amusing! have fun and stay safe ya'll!! love you!

phew

i almost got hit by lightening today!! i was baby sitting at my aunts house and i had the kids in the basement because she has sooo many windows in her house the down stairs was the only safe place. anyway i went up stairs and then opened the door and stepped out on to the deck with one foot because i was going to re cover my uncle's lawn mower because he told me to make sure it was covered.... then BAM lightening hit the house and sparks flew out of the light switches beside me!!! it was so loud and i screamed and lucas, my two year old cousin who usually hold on tight while walking down the stairs took off and ran down the stairs crying, and then we hung in the basement until their dad's sister came and brought us to her house lol. it was so scarey!!! but we all lived! anyway i was told by a pretty in shape kid that i am not in that bad of shape...sweet eh? i ran as much as him tonight it was pretty cool...he walked an extra lap than me...and he laped me once but he did 8 walked two and i did 7 and walked one so we both ran6!!!! sweet eh? anyway i hope everyone was safe today if you were in that storm! i found out the the guys in the car accident weere drunk, and that they dran k and drove all the time...so it sucks to say but mybe they will be a lesson to their friends...and also...its a good thing they didn't hit someone's family or anything. please keep praying for the families of luke hubble and tim hartwick(an only child). thanks:) night ya'll

what a day!

ok so for starters a BIG thank you going out to dan vanier for saving me and my mommy today! our battery died ach and so we were stuck in the parking lot at brookdale plaza. his truck was getting new tires at canadian tire and so he walked down, borrowed some jumper cables and got it going and then drove it and me over to my dad's work where my mother panicked and got a ride over to lol...so yeah...interesting day outside today lol!!! could have been even more interesting i guess had dan been at work this afternoon thank the Lord ! anyway other than that things are going well i suppose...luke's leaving in a week thats kinda' sucky but i know its awesome because its what God has for him, just keep him in your prayers! i found out a guy named tim hartwick died on the weekend, his class was pen pals with my class in grade 4...he and his friend died in a car accident, so please keep their families and their girlfriends (who were in another car there with them) all in your prayers. i hope things are going well for all of you. lindsay's wedding is comming up soon thats fun! so keep her and mark in your prayers too cuz its gonna' get busy! i love you all! and aunt shmoo loves you the most little luke(ha).

update

mom and dad went to see grandpa yesterday, and he isn't doing that well because he is very lonely because he doesn't have visitors very often this time...it sucs...mom has some lazy selfish siblings....ayway....while they were there they went accross the street to sick kids and visited justin crowley the kid who got into a dirt bike accident. he is doing great and he hopes to be home in the next couple of days...but it could take another week. also mom says they will have him eating solid foods before he leaves so no iv for the summer....sweet eh? its sooo cool that he is ok!!!! God is awesome thank you for your prayers!

home again home again

well i am home from the trailer...i have a burn on my back...in blotches...oddness....and on my chest...ach....but...i went fishing...and i caught a rock bass and a small mouth bass and then i caught a pickrel whose head i smashed off a rock and then my dad chopped him up and now he is in the freezer:) funness:):) anyway....my grandpa is doing better i hear...he is eating a little and he is finished his firt round of chemo...he will be there for a few more weeks. i have a new prayer request my brother justin's friend justin crowely got into an accident on his dirt bike and he flipped over the handle bars and his stomash expolded and so all his stomach acid and stuff went into his stomach. i have no idea how he is doing it happened a week ago....they weren't sure if he was going to make it but i guess he has thus far....he will have to spend another week in the hospital i thk and then two months without food at home. my brother is going to his house tomorrow to see how he is and if they need help on their farm....but keep him in your prayers he is 15 and a good little hockey player. thank you bunches. also please pray about me and finding an internship! and pray for luke and his very very very soon trip to ecuador which will last forever! or until christmasish. i hope everyone is having a good summer.

hey guys

hello everyone i don't have much time as i have to leave soon. i am gong to my grandparent's cottage by my trailer, and then in a few days my parents will be going down and i will be spending a few days at the lake...yay....anyway i just wanted to leave a note telling you all how faithfull GOd is...and how its soo cool that He answers our prayer and we don't even notice sometimes...and how He is faithful even when we are not....GOd is awesome. my dad's work will not be going on strike as a deal has been reached!! also some other things have happened in my life too. please keep my grandpa in your prayers, my mom has gone to TO today to see him. i'll write more when i get back from the lake, i love you all...read your Bibles!

hmm.... bizarre

So here's a pointless little picture and explanation that is bound to leave all of you who read this wondering why on earth you bother coming back to a site that contains such evidently unnecessary content. but for those willing to look past that you will see a beautiful work of art that is so avant-garde it's practically.... uh something or other... anyway, the art speaks of the fragility of life demonstrated by the ghost, Nicole, who is not in actuality dead. the passion of the artist is further seen by the use of alligators in symbolic usage of the way we treat animals that we perceive as "dangerous." finally, the artist captures the spirit of friendship and compassion through the imagery of giving flowers to a ghost. the fact remains, however, that the arm not extended from the live lego man (Luke Bruce, handsome young lad) betrays that there is a hesitancy to make oneself vulnerable enough to befriend a ghost who is unable to return that friendship by baking him pies....

anyway, that's one person's interpretation of this beautiful piece. hope y'all are blessed by it, and feel free to share what you think about it.
Sincerely,
Anonymous

hello

my mom is better now, the doctor said she had a fever, and the next day she went to the physio therapist the next day and he relaxed her neck for her. so yeah, she is doing better. we will know by midnight tonight if my dad is on strike or not. so please keep us in your prayers. my grandpa's appetite has gone now, and thats all i know for now. thank you for your prayers.

so last night i went to tfk with Courtney and Dan and my friend from highschool and courtney's friend i think his name was jason...i called him excuse me sir, and jessica, and kevin reid. it was fun, it was super super loud, at first we were sitting right in front of the speakers so we moved back and then to the middle....it was still super fun though. i really miss my klbc friends....especially luke! i love you all.

hi everyone

my mom is going to the hospital. her head has been really hurting for a few days now....she says it feels like there is something on the top of her head. please pray for her. she called the doctor and they said to go to the hospital because she needs to get a ct scan done...thats scarey...please pray.

whats new?

well, my grandpa get his hickman line in today, and he starts his chemo. i found out a couple of days ago that my friend jesse who lives in plevna, where my trailer is, got into a car accident and broke his neck last month. his friend was driving, and they hit a deer and then went into the woods where they had to stay for the night. he can walk but he has a hailo on. jesse is such an outgoing kid. he is only 17 and is a lot of fun...but he isn't a Christian, its a mirical though...breaking his neck without it hurting his spinal cord...pray that he can see God through this...if not now than even years from now when he is grown up and looks back. also, my dad works at quaker oats in peterborough, as does my brother. their contract is due, and the deadline is july first, which is friday. please pray that they don't go on strike. my mom's car has a flat tire, so she can't drive it without a new tire, and she can't afford to go to toronto to see my grandpa if quaker goes on strike. its a super stressful time for my family, so plese keep my parents in your prayers, and also for my mom's back because it is so bad she had to go on three different pills for the past couple of weeks because it hurts so bad that she can't move. this has been going on for about 4 years now and its really tough for her because no one seems to know what is wrong. thank you all for your prayers

hello

hello everyone. my grandpa starts his pills today and his chemo on monday, please keep him in your prayers. i am going to go to that klbc dinner thing tonight, that should be fun, i guess i'll be leaving in a about an hour, but i think i might go out and see if i can tan up a bit first. hope everything is well with you all, and luke if you read this befor ei talk to you, what happened to you?!?!?!?!?!LOL. have a good day everyone, and congrats to the folks getting married today!

:(

luke is a bully. i really liked the kitty, and i really wish i could have kept him:( now he goes back to zaks and will likely die soon:(

awwe kitty

jeffrey brought a kitty home from zak's house today. he is one of the few with 20 toes and 2 eyes! jeffrey named him garfield. he is sooo sweet. right now he is curled up in the thing that our monitor sits on...sooo sweet.... he is orange and only like 3 or 4 weeks old...i really wish we could keep him...but both jeffrey and justin are allergic to him and justin is sneezing and stuff already:( he has to go back to zak's later but at least it was nice to visit with him. i want a kitty when i have my own place....i love them they are soo cute, especially garfield! still...i really wish we could keep him....he is so sweet....and its been so long since i hae had a cat...like 7 years or something....sadness.

hmmm

please keep praying for my grandpa...no one wants him to go to toronto this time...and he doens't think he will live through the bone marrow transplant. so please just keep him in your prayers! pray about the leukemia and the treatments, and that we can keep someone at the hospital everyday, and please pray for his salvation, as well as the salvation of the rest of my family. my whole family is sooo stressed out, and my mom's back is insanely bad. she has really bad back problems but no one knows whats wrong with it. she has gone to so many specialists over the past like 6 or 7 years, but still nothing...so please keep her in your prayers too. thank you all so much.

ok...it has only been one day since i talked to luke and i am a little anxious ...sadness....oh dear....whatever will i do once he goes away to foreveraway land(ecudaor)? keep praying for him about ecuador:) even though i am sad he is going i am very excited for him....but it would suck if he got malaria or something! so pray for him, and pray that he knws what to teach those kids, and that he is an awesome witness! i hope you are having a good time at grampy's luke! and look i can type again!! hehe. can't wait to hear from you, i hope you have an awesome time eel fishing!

no fair!

ummm....guys...how come luke gets billions of comments and i get zero? i don't even get a comment from luke....how sad....i am so unpopular!

oh no!!

sorry folks...luke must have escaped from the ropes...he is crazy. i do think you should go visit him in nova scotia...and bring me with you...with your money...or if you cna't make it...or afford for us both to go...send me...that is if when i close my eyes and wish real hard i am still not there(as if that wont work).

Untitled

Dear everyone... Happy Birthday to Luke.. I Nicole am too lazy to write this myself, so i'm forcing someone to do this for me... even though they've already posted three times tonight on their own blog.... anyway... do me, Nicole, a favour and go visit Luke in Nova Scotia... he's bored... give him the warmest of birthday wishes, and most of all, the warmest of birthday... handwarmers.... or something...

sincerely,
Nicole.... for real...

:)

well we went to the trailer today for the day. it ws soo soo hot and the lake was super warm. it was a great day:) i love it there. there are millions of horse flies and deer flies...but hey...it was great anyway....for real...i feel bad for all ya'll woh don't get to be in the bush once in a while! its excellent! jeffrey caught a bunch of fish, including a 6 lb pickrel that he is gonna' get mounted. all ya'll should come with me sometime! i don't feel that great and i am super sleepy, so i am gonna' go nowyeah...i love it there...ahhh...tiffany was the best selling cd in 1988...haha ahead of guns and roses!!! go tiffany!!!!! yeah...i think we're alone now beat paradise city!!! hahaha...oh man i love you tiffany!

haha

luke bruce is the luke that is hot. he is also my secratary. i was at the school practicing for milliscus and i had emailed him earlier in the day when i found out about my grandpa, and i asked him to call me at the school. then i asked him to write on my blog about my grandpa for me, and for those of you who know luke bruce, you know he is absolutely great, and funny, and fun, and so it made for an interesting blog. thank you so much luke for writing my blog for me:) my grandpa's spirits are high, and his sister results will bein on tuesday adn she was to fax the contact information of grandpa's brother's carl and ed, and his sister margeret to see if any of them are a match. please keep him in your prayers. he will be returning to princess margeret hospital soon, and we got him candy and word searches and scratch tickes and lounge clothes today at our early father's day celebration and so he was very excited to get so many gifts, and it helps him to prepare for his time in the hospital. grandma said they are just going to take it one day at a time. i cried a lot this weekend, the mere thought of telling dan made me sick because i knew it would make it more real so i tried to not tell him and i lasted all friday and most of saterday but saturday afternoon i broke down and started crying, then i told him and i cried basically right up until a couple of hours before the drama team had to perform. i was pretty upset, and scared, i love my grandpa so much, and i don't want to lose him. but, i feel a calm now. i know God is in control, and so i am sad and scared, but i know everything will work out according to God's plan. thank you all for your prayers thus far, please remember to keep praying. also, my aunt meaghan is pregnant again, she lost the last baby, and she was spotting at the beginning of this pregnancy, she is tired a lot, and she has to be very careful, please pray for her and for her baby. its fun because she is showing already...a lot...and she isn't quite 3 months! i am excited for her, and for my uncle donny, who is my grandpa and grandma's only son. this baby means a lot to the family, and grandma uses it to cheer grandpa up when he gets down. another grandchild is on the way, and its from his only son. :) we also met my cousin julie's fiance today, they will be getting married at the end of next augest. today was a really good day and i was so scared because i thought it was going to be horrible. God is awesome! praise Him!

I'm bad at titles

My secretary is typing this up for me as i am currently indisposed.

"I found out some bad news today that my grandpa is going to be put on new medication that will slow the progression of the leukemia. Hopefully one of his siblings will be a match for his bone marrow so that he can get the transplant and be ok. they cannot do chemo again. Please pray. I will write more when i am no longer indisposed."

Luke is Hot

Signed,

Nicole

klbc here we come!

i am going to klbc today for the weekend. milliscus is tomorrow, and the drama team is performing! :) sarah nicki and i and dan are staying in rez. it should be an awesome fun time! i miss my friends so much and i get to see a bunch of them this weekend yay! hope to see a bunch of you at milliscus tomorrow! love you all!

prayer please

hi guys. today is the day my grandpa goes to toronto to find out whats going on. i guess he will find out if and when treatment starts and where. please pray that everything goes smoothly today, and that the news isn't even more horrible. thank you so much for all of your prayers thus far, they are so greatly appreciated. i will post more tonight if i know more. i hope everyone has a great day. ps. its weird not having my little brother in my room...he is in ottawa until tomorrow evening...its so strange now that i am used to hearing him in there at night. and its strang not getting booted off of here whenever he feels like going on! bye bye ya'll!

hey everyone back again. i am a little bit stressed about drama i just know i am going to forget something. ross called me this morning and asked me to organize the drama part of milliscus and i am finding it stressful cuz i only have 1 day so please pray for me. and pray for ross because i know that he is super stressed out too....well he has to be way more stressed out than me, he has a lot to do. alright, my grandpa will be going to the hospital some time in the next 2 weeks to start treatment again. it will be basically the same as last time but there is this new pill that is supposed to be a big success so he will be taking that too. also they tested aunt dot's (his sister) bone marrow to see if it was a match. they don't usually do transplants on people over 60, but since he is in such good shape they might if there is a match. i kinda' want to be tested now even though i am terrified of needles and it hurts like mad. just please keep praying for him. we are having father's day on sunday so we can have it for sure before he goes to toronto. please pray for my grandpa and my family over these next few months, and remember that they aren't Christians, except for aunt dot and her husband. thank you all so much, i hope to see a bunch of you this weekend. i love you all! and i wish you could be here luke :( i miss you like crazy. night ya'll!

ok guys

i went to see my grandpa on saterday. he is up and down like crazy. one minute he is ok with it and he will be like maybe i don't have to go to toronoto. or you ready to make all those bus trips to see me again? and sometimes he is just iek i cna't believe its back, i don't believe it, i wont until they tell me on thursday. its so hard to sit there when he is almost crying. we put him to work though planting flowers we brought for grandma and digging some out for us. him and dad and uncle donny were also looking at all of our cars he just got a new one this winter, and uncle donny just got a new accura. oh...and good news we found out that aunt meaghan is pregnant again...they weren't telling anyone but its obvious and so grandma asked uncle donny straight up, and he said yes. she is about 12 weeks, so pray that she wont loose the baby this time. and this was good news for my grandpa to hear too cuz donny is his only son. i am scared about my grandpa, but i have this kind of calming faith that everything is going to be ok. God is so awesome. He gave me you guys to help me to get through all the hard times. good friends are hard to find, i am so thankful to have you guys. pretend i am giving you hugs right now....even if you don't liek hugs ;) hehe. i spent today gardening with my mom, and i would imagine that if she is feeling alright after physio tomorrow we will be doing more. today was the hardest part though, after this we just have to plant little ones to fill spaces, and to fill containers. justin's arm seems to be getting better, thats good...it has taken so long. i cleaned our whole room yesterday and the day before because dan was comming and i didn't want him to know that i still hadn't put away all my school stuff. i had to give away a tone of clothes, but thats ok i have lots to spare. it looks nice and i even have some fresh cut lilacs in there to make it smell pretty...of course justin is allergic...but hey. i appreciate all of your prayers everyone. please keep praying for my grandpa, he is going to toronto on thursday...i guess thats when we will figure out what is going to happen, when treatment will start and where and whats gonna' go on. please pray for my grandpa to have strength, enough strength to get though. last time he wrote in his journal "i will beat this thing cancer". please pray he can do it again. and pray for his salvation. thank you all i love you all, have a good night. p.s. please pray that i keep up with my Bible reading and devotions and praying. thank you good night.

wow

when your world comes crashing down, when you feel completely alone, when your heart is breaking, when there is no place to cry, no arms to hold you no where for you...you feel like this. my grandpa has leukemia again. he is ready to face it and get it over with...but i am so scared. they say the second time around you don't do as well. he did so well last time...extremely well... he just got a new job. he had retired before he got sick, but now that he is well again he was bored. so he got a new job he just started...and now...he has to quit again. his life was finally getting back to normal...we had so many plans for the summer. today was a horrible day. it wasn't even just finding out about my grandpa...it was other stuff with my family...and i realized that sometimes your closest friends....don't care about you at all...and thats scarey...cuz they know everything about you...they are the people that will hurt you the most in your life. how do you know who to trust? how many chances can you give someone before they destroy you? please please please everyone pray for my grandpa! please! i really love him a lot.

anger

i tried to post earlier but it killed it and so then i was like ach not wasting my time...and i left for a few hours and now i am back to try again. stupid graduation from kid to grandma. oh well. my brother's arm still isn't better and no one knows why...huh. and we still haven't got the results back for my grandpa yet...:( please keep praying. there was plus a lot more...but...i don't remember it. umm oh yeah...i hope luke and nick are having fun! remember me here all alone...even though i paid my dues;) blah!! lol anyway i hope everyone is having a good night. i love you. i hope you guys are remembering to pray and do devotions....cuz i keep forgetting...ugh.

i hate titles.

i was picking out pictures of justin tonight for his school...it was fun...he used to be so cute...and i guess he still is. there are a couple of pictures of us abusing him....those are my favorites....hahaha...tonight he told me we need to clean OUR room...i was like grrr...anyway if its OUR room now then it should be team work, i should mess it up and he should clean it up! haha....it seems to be the opposite though.... i finally graduated...i guess i am like your grandma now...matty i know you get it....remember that part of our timmies conversation? yeah....well i finally did it today when we were at lansdown place. its been an interesting day i suppose. nicki and luke i hope you two are having fun....enjoy your time there nick! (and think of me not being there....grrr:( sadness). well ya'll...i'll post again another time...enjoy your night!

fun

jen's wedding was beautiful. i didn't get to stay for the whole reception cuz ty wanted to leave but that was ok. what i got to be part of was great! i can't believe they are married!! congratulations jordan and jenny i know your lives together are going to be awesome and blessed by God!!! if anyone has pictures of the wedding plese send them to me:( i only have one its of jordan and jen at the refreshment time before the pictures and reception. after ty and i left he dropped me off with dan and we hung out for a bit. we went for a drive, it was pretty cool, you drive right along the river for a while, i am sure its beautiful in the day time. then we went up to the lift locks and watched the fire works...sounds nice eh? well he wanted me to go onto the tower with him but as soon as i passes through both sets of gates and took one step out i freaked out. i couldn't walk on the side(even though there is a rail) becase i could see the road and i knew i was going to slip and fall to my death. so of course i do this little hyper ventilate thing(oh goody) and dan was way ahead of me and he was like whats wrong? and i couldn't answer all i could do was hold on relaly tight and very carefully get back to the pavement where i wouldn't slip and fall to my death....which is surprisingly hard to do when you are hyper ventilating... the firse works were still cool even though we just stood on the concrete and watched....the fire works were hig enough to go over the trees. it actaulyl was reall nice...its was cool to see them from so far away and see them b4 hearing them. then he brought me to timmies and my daddy came and got me and brought me home where my brother's friends and i cruised fatchicksinpartyhats.com, there are swears by the millions...and bad ones...i don't reccomend the site at all, unless you don't read the captions. i know courtney campbell really likes the site. anyway despite my little heart attack at the lift locks, and the mind trash i was looking at, last night was awesome:) and againg congratulations jordan and jenny! p.s. jerry lies he came to the wedding like he said he wasn't going to...geeze...whats with that guy? i love you jerry!

jerry digs chicks!

our dear firend jerry bolton has, for as long as he has been at klbc at least, claimed to dislike women. i am stepping out on a limb here though, and i am gonna' say jerry lies. he tries too hard to pretend he doesn't love us...its a dead give away;) oh don't worry jerry we love you too! in other news not only did matt and ruth have a baby (matthewcook.blogspot.com), but tomorrow jordan and jenny are getting married!!!! how exciting is that? hello?? like 7 exciting! anyway i miss you all and you had better be comming to miliscus! i hope you all have a great friday night! i wish i had something smart to say...that seems to be the reson most people have these things...but i am not going to..mostly cuz i am a moron...anyway...oh..i found my stomping tom cassette...and my kenny rodgers one too...so my life has become a little more complete! ahh...the good old days...

good and bad

so i am so glad that joesph william is here. matt and ruth are parents!!! how exciting is that? so thats the good news. the bad news is, my grandpa got some blood tests a couple of weeks ago because he goes every few weeks for about a year now, since the leukemia has been gone. well, he has been bruising, which was the first sign that he had leukemia the first time...which seems so long ago now. also, the tests came back that his platelettes are low. thats a bad sign. i didn't tell anyone cuz i guess i thought it would go away if i pretended it wasn't real. well today he got a bome marrow test done, and i am scared again. the results wont come back for a week, but i am so scared. please pray for my grandpa, please! i don't want him to have to go through what he went through again, and i don't want him to die. he isn't a Christian, but i found out last summer that one of his sisters and her husband are. please pray that he and other members of my family will be saved, and pray that my grandpa doesn't have leukemia again. thank you all so much.

kittens and root beer

i am bored. i get to hang out with matty tomorrow though and so that's funness! i miss everyone a lot. i am very jealous of those of you who get to go see luke this summer...you haven't paid your dues like i have! i deserve to go...i put my time in...you are all new! grrr....anyway...have fun ya'll. i can't believe jen and jordan are getting married in only a few days....its craziness!!! i am sad that i have to miss canada's wonderland...i haven't been in years and i would love to go, but there is no way i am missing this wedding if i don't have to! so i hope all who go to wonderland have a good time. guys...mail me call me leave a comment...whatever...i would love to hear from you! i hope you all have a good night.

finally!

i finally finished and emailed everything at about 7 30 this morning!!! i am finally done my third year at klbc!!!!! now all i have left is half of a year! thank goodness!!! i love klbc, but this prairie stuff is no fun at all...its difficult and its not ver rewarding. anyway i have no gotten 4 hours of sleep...i don't feel too too bad but i think i am gonna go back to be soon anyway. and andrew i am jsut too tired to use capitals this morning, i am sorry. thank you all so muchfor your prayers! there really is no way i could have finished everything without him. God is awesome! a special thank to luke and nicki and matty and stephi and everyone else who has been encouraging me over the past few weeks. your encouragment has meant a lot to me. luke plesae don't forget the face kicks next year if i procastinate again...i am ready to give you yours just in case! i love you guys, i might write more later when my brain is actually functioning. xo

yippy

i am finally done my art explorations! thank goodness...and thank the mcphails who allowed me to use their computer to get the music i needed that my parent's horrible computer wouldn't let me get. i love that family. so...i now have a permenant pink streak through my hair. i like it...but when i washed it the dye bled and so now it looks kinda crappy because its a pink streak and then bad pink mess around it. its ok though...it still looks alright i guess. its sure fun...i mena i haven't done fun stuff with my hair in years...and now...a hot pink streak!! lol thank you to sarah babineau for the wonderful idea...i miss you you beautiful pirate you! and thank you to luke who told me it would suit me...you're the best:) i still have a bunch of work to do b4 saterday...and i feel horrible...i am not sure whats wrong with me but i am dead tired and feel dizzy....its like i am going back to the way i was a couple of weeks b4 school was over...but at least i know i don't need a kidney transplant! i miss you guys a lot...and i will get on my encouragment notes next week cuz i will be all done my school work. i kinda' want a tatoo...the pink hair has inspired me...but i thik i will still wait until i am married that way if my husband doesn't like it i wont have it. hair dye will fade and piercings can be taken out...but tatoos...well they are forever. speaking about husband...since no boy i have talked to thus far seems to like pink hair...looks like its gonna' be a while...meh...oh well its worth it then. well ya'll i am gonna' do a bit more work and then go to bed...please keep remembering to pray for me! oh and check out ruthcook.blogspot.com...she is so cute and her belly has gotten so big! yay the baby will soon be here! keep them in your prayers too! i love you all...and i thank you all for being part of my life!

blach

spent so much time with medical people today. first physio and then in the hospital where we brought my brother when his little friend smashed him arm. its apparently not broken, but the doctor doesn't trust the xrays ....and i agree the thing is swallen huge! sick. anyway he has a half cast and has to keep it on for two weeks then go to the doctor and the x rays are going to a specialist. anyway....i am a great sister i went and bought slushies and froze my hands off walking home with three of them...one for each of us kids...of course it was jefrey's money....oh well lol. i am still borring tonight. so i am going to bed. thanks for reading my crap!

nothing to say

i really have nothing to say tonight. i guess just if you read this and haven't talked to me in a while maybe its about time you did. i miss you guys. i guess thats really it... yup i am borring alright.

ha

hurray for me being the coolest winner ever! when i said wfc...which is wouth for Christ, what i meant was yfc....which is youth for Christ...i think more of you are familiar with that group than with the other. please pray for me. i am really having a tough time. i relaly miss everyone from school and i thank you all so much for how you have shaped my life...every person from every year. and mister andymac....no!!!! waahahaa....ok here just for you. I love all my friends including, Andrew Mackay. Happy now? I hope so. Well, I believe that is it for me tonight. Please, though, remember to pray for me. Oh and on the bright side, I found an assignment I lost on my computer:). By the way Andrew, typing with capitals is hard work. I hope you appreciate it. Yay I just found out I get to walk with Derek at Lindsay's wedding:) Alright, good night ya'll.
p.s. i know luke isn't it awesome? i am so glad that i am healthy...especially since i have been jogging and stuff anyway....except tonight and i feel soo guilty...like horribly guilty...is that normal? like i don't think i am going to sleep well at all. ach.

stress

ok so i am still finishing up my work. and i am trying to find an internship...which sucks when you live in a little pit and you can't drive to get someplace thats not a pit. and i am stressing out over trying to find way to be able to get to lindsay's and back all summer for her wedding and for fittings and stuff. life is 100% pure stress....i am begining to think that there really aren't many happy moments at all....like maybe every person gets between 2 and 12 in their whole lifetime. i hope i am the person who gets 12...but i am thinking i am the person who gets 2. well at least i am running again...then maybe i can be a little better looking and unhappy. if you are having a happy moment people, enjoy it! it might be your very last one ever. mother's day is tomorrow. that day to me feels like hey nicole this is the day people would be celebrating for you if you weren't a failure. i know God has a plan for me...but really...i think i am honestly gonna' be the woman throwing cats and laughing out whooo whoo whooo whooo whoo whoo whoo whoo heh. blah.

hurray!

so exciting! i am not going to die! my ultra sound came back normal!! nothing wrong with my kideny!!! go me! what else is going on? i am running again yay! and even doing situps and such. i ran with my puppy jenny tonight, that was fun...interesting...but fun. i am getting school done so hopefully soon i can wash my hands of that. and then i have to find an internship....maybe at WFC...we'll see. i am glad to be home, even though i now share my room with my little brother. its a bunk bed but its kinda' fun anyway...it gives him a home so thats cool...of course he has taken over and watches movies...but lol thats ok. i miss all you guys. luke i can't believe its going to be 8 months....thats almost a year....i don't know if i can deal with that...ach. lets have a everyone come visit me day....hmmm...well thats enough i am old and i need sleep....or i need to lay in bed while justin watches a movie....lol oh well. i'm board people talk to me! tell me whats up! thanks for your prayers...i am so glad i don't need to take someone's kidney.

ok then

mom says that i am getting my blood tests done on friday now...pushed back but still...i have to get stabbed. i wish i knew why i needed an ultra sound done...this is kinda' scaring me...plus can i do physical activity? i don't know...ach. i feel so horrible and tired and i have so much work to do...please pray for me!!!

ok what?

i have now decided that i want mono. eye infection stomach problems blood tests what?!?! and what? ultra sound on my abdomen with attention to my left kidney?!?! pardon? what is that? am i dying or something? give me the mono instead....suddenly it doesn't seem so bad at all... i hate needles...i don't want to go get blood tests tomorrow....will someone go gor me? ach....thats all for now. ok mom called me and said i can't get my tests done until friday now cuz my little brother justin has basketball tomorrow in ptbo' and his coach needs my mom to drive...ach...ridiculous.

sick? what?

so tomorrow i am going to the doctor to get tested for mono i guess...or at least to get checked out...i hate this game. i don't want mono i don't have time for it at all...not to mention that i have to get a needle to see if i have it! blood tests? whats that? can't they just use spit or something?? thats how you transfer it right? yep...this game sucks. and no physical activity...nothing...no running, to wrestling with my brothers, no boxing, no hiking through the bush, no catching snakes or frogs, no walking, playing with, or training my dog, no lifting of anything even a little bit heavy....yeah....gee how fun...i do not want this sick. can i trade someone else for their sick? anyone got some chicken pox, or a flu they want to trade off for? or how about i just postpone the mono until i have time to have it? i am still hoping i will wake up in the morning and it will be gone....and it will be just a coinsidence that i had these symptoms, and its not mono at all. pray for me!!! and pray that if it is mono i didn't spread it to everyone else in the world. night ya'll i have to go do work and then sleep forever...oh and p.s. eating feels horrible and i want to throw up.

mm hmm

we went shooting with courtney today after choir...so today was fun....not so much the shooting part, but the shooting the hand gun was fun....the best part though, was watching people shoot who have never shot a gun before. it was exciting. everyone should shoot a gun at least once in their lifetime. i found today that closing my eyes helped me to hit the target...meh....that gun was little and scarey. ok so falling off of fences...not the most fun game in the world...ha...why don't i listen to people when they tell me to not wear my filp flops? stupid shoes...it was amusing though...falling off of that good old fence...then it turns out we didn't even need to climb at all because of the big huge gate we could have gone through...grrr. anyway...i am trying to do some work here....anyone have any input on romans 11? bed time is definately comming early tonight, i am beat...old age sucks. i am going to miss ross and leanne...drama was a great part of my life...and what on earth am i going to do with all this weird energy if i can't get it out through acting? ach. acting has been part of my life for so many years...its gonna' be weird not doing it. maybe i will just make real life like tv. well i am off to do some work now. but in closing i would liek to say i am still crazy about mattymac...but not in the sick way heather is...ew(kidding)...in a different way...in a i would help you move the body way. mm hmm....the end. p.s. holly panabaker is getting married.

mm hmm

nicki hates the internet....and can we blame her? no. it hates her first...infact...here is a little secret...it hates us all...in varying degrees. i am so excited about PK and dorthy!! yay another kerr!!! excitement! and brad and tanya? yay! so weddings and babies all around!!! my turn yet? maybe soon....i gave PK a list i made of things composing the perfect husband...so maybe he can recruit someone for me when he moves! lol yeah....anyway i am already crazy about mattymac....but who isn't....he is soooo dreamy! anyway....thats it for me for now! love you all!

ach

last night's drama went pretty well....it was the last one ever:( i can't believe ross and leanne are leaving! its so sad....drama has been an awesome experience for me in my three years at klbc. i am so sad its over. i helped lead music last night....that went ok....but i really wish i could hear out of both ears....will i ever get better? or do i learn to live with it? ach. ever notice how some things just aren't the same without certain people around? yeah...i have. i am getting so excited for mark and lindsay's wedding...it is going to come quick! hmmm anyone know when it will be my turn? ok i guess God does. we listened to this message last night in the van on the way back from barrie....i forget who the guy was ask ross. it was on trusting God, not being worried. check out psalm 37, matthew 6:33-34, and philippians 4:6. do not be anxious. do not fret. do not worry. God is in control folks! "every morning i wake up and i ask myself two questions, 1. is God as worried about today as i am? if the answer is yes i take two prozak and go back to bed. but the answer is never yes, its no. and the second question is if God isn't worried about today than why shoudl i be?" that was from the message last night in the van....isn't it great!?!?! we don't have to worry, God has our lives planned....He knows what He has for us, and He doesn't worry! so then....why do we?

ok so i am super excited about mark and lidsay's wedding!!! and i get to be in it!! yay!! that has kept me excited for days. and here is what has been dragging me down...does anyone out there think its ok for boys to hit a girl in any circumstancs? if so when...and why? and why do i trust anyone ever? i really want this year to be over. of course there are people i am gonig to miss a lot, like luke...he will be in far away land for what will seem like forever. good friends are hard to come by and often times imposters sneak in. guard your hearts folks and keep your eyes on Jesus. and when a good friend does come along, treat them awesome. do as i say not as i tend to do. i sure could use a hero right now...is there anyone out there who will come make everything better?

schwearrrr

i miss my friends from last year...we should have a day where the school pays for them all to come see me...and we go to the zoo....i haven't been to the zoo yet this year....whats that? there are some cool people here this year though...the 4 of them know who they are....5 including me of course! ha! so...its smarter to stand in a lightening storm with a metal rod than it is to start smoking...don't forget that...i love tv sometimes. i have to work today...but i am ok with that because i get free food imediately after when i get picked up and brought to my grandparents. ok, so who thinks i should get my G1.......again? we'll see....i am not sure if i will write a billion of these a day...or if i wont write at all....i bet a combination....but this one is finished so that jilly can read it and then go! i love you jilly! p.s. i can't spell or type properly....so...shut up.