hey....

all ya'll never comment...i look so uncool....i know some people read.....but they never leave comments....some people who may or may not have an aunt shmoo....hmmm......sad....heart.....busted.

its a boy!

my cousin julie is pregnant and due july first, and today she found out its a boy! how exciting! i also have some advice for the world tonight...that is, communication is key people! relationships can't work without it...not even friendships!

hard questions with no answers.

its so hard not knowing if someone likes you or not, sometimes you think they do, somtimes you think they dont. you are always wondering always questioning...should i wait for him? should i move on? it makes your heart break because the not knowing eats at it all the time. its so much better just to know...even if its that they don't like you, because then you can move on, or at least start the long process of trying to get over him. sometimes, you just want him to tell you, even if it breaks your heart, because in reality...it is already breaking.

things always change

yeah...so i guess back to that whole difficult thing...only i am more at ease now...i know i am gonna' be ok. i guess change isn't always bad...even if it feels sooo bad while its happening....when people come into your life you never picture them leaving again...but the truth is...most of them do leave...as painful as it is. there are so many people i don't want to leave..but i know many of them will. i love you all, very much, don't forget while you go through your lives, that someone else will always love you, God.

short stories part 2, read part one first!

As he drives home through the pouring rain his eyes turn red. His fists clench tighter around the steering wheel as his heart fills with rage. He loosens his grip only to take another drink. He slams on the breaks and skids as he curses at the red light. He honks his horn impatiently as if it will cause it to turn green. He curses louder when it doesn’t work, and smashes his fist off the steering wheel. The second it turns green he screeches his tires as he speeds away. Another red light! Another fit of rage! Cursing so loud a man walking his dog down the street turns to see what the ruckus is. He turns back quickly as the man pounding his fist on the wheel pauses a moment to give him the finger and curse loudly at him. As he pulls into his driveway he rushes to the house, taking no time to turn the car off or shut its door.
Bam! He takes one look at her sitting there, she didn’t do the dishes again. He takes a drink, pulls the gun from inside his coat. He calls her name in a mocking voice, but he doesn’t wait for her to turn around. Bam! The blast is so loud it knocks pictures from the wall. He sits at the table beside her, wipes her blood from his section, and takes a long look at the very thing that turned him into what he has become. He picks it up, and he takes one last drink of that whisky. Picks the gun up off the table and Bam.
He lays there in a pool of his own blood. He can’t see anything, but he can feel everything. The pain is unbearable, but he can’t find the gun. As he lays there, he thinks of all that he has done, all that has happened to her, and knows it is all his fault. As he slowly drifts away, he mumbles softly the words "I’m sorry", and this time, he means it.

2 short stories part 1

She sits there in awe. Occasionally she looks up from the tiles on the floor to allow her eyes to meet with the clock. This time she stays fixated on the clock for a few moments, and when she lowers her head a single tear hits the tile. She focuses on the tear now, how its unique formation has created a tiny clean spot on the floor. She wonders to herself if perhaps she could clean the entire floor with the tears she has cried lately. She begins to think of how it all happened. Where did she go wrong? How could she not see? As she looks up at the clock again she realizes her eyes are once again so filled with tears she is unable to see what is right in front of her. Back down her head goes quickly, the tears pour over creating more unique clean spots, she focuses on them and realizes they are stains.
Bam! The door flies open she becomes frantic for a moment, and then numb. She closes her eyes. She smells whisky and can see a little girl playing in a field. She runs and runs and dances round and round, all the while picking beautiful flowers for her mother. She has a huge smile, she is so happy, so content, not one tear falls from her eyes to stain the field. She fears nothing, why would she? She has nothing to fear. She sees butterflies, and a light wind blowing the leaves of a near by tree. She runs to the tree and swings off the tire held up by the ropes her father tied for her. She realizes she is the little girl.
A bright light blinds her as she opens her eyes. First she can see nothing, then her mother, a face she hasn’t seen in five years. "Its ok baby girl, you are going to be ok. That son of a bitch thought he killed you then he killed himself. You are safe now baby girl, you don’t have to be afraid again. We can see each other now, he can’t stop us." She smiles, and then closes her eyes for the last time.

difficult

sometimes life gets really hard. and you have to make decisions you don't want to make...sometimes no matter how hard you pray you can't make someone love you....and then...you have to learn you can't take them with you when you move on...sometimes...you just want to scream because your heart doesn't know if its happy or sad...because in reality its ecstatic and devestaed all at once. growing up is so painful, even when its happy.