Christmas

well, for starters i'd like to say, i hope everyone had a fabulous, safe, and just plain wonderful Christmas. and now, i'd like to address an issue i have been thinking about. for Christmas i asked for one, simple practical present, did i get this present? yes, i did...but what else did i get? everything. i asked for a spice rack, i knew i was getting it, its very nice and i love it. but then on top of that my parents got me a digital camera, and an mp3 player, also soo many things like a blow dryer, and straightner, a game, clothes, candy, chocolate and other things. my brother got me a dvd player and a camera dock, my other brother got me pjs-2 sets, and the passion of the Christ dvd, amanda got me a sweet box of candles...big nice ones and makeup, mandy got me a rather expencive seeming scarf and mitts from garage, i got a necklace, towels, fuzzy socks, a massager, and other things from other friends and family...and im thinking...do i need all this stuff? dont get me wrong, im gratefull, i cant believe people spent this much on me. i love everything i GOT for Christmas, but do i need it all? even the spice rack i wanted so badly...did i really NEED it? every year its the same thing, people ask other people " what did you GET for Christmas?" is it all about the getting? should it even be about the giving? i have a friend who has spent all their money, and maxed out their cards and still felt they should have bought more...MORE. what is all this about? so, is all the giving a representation of what God gave us? He gave us a Saviour...so we give presents? if this is true..i guess i can understand, but God gave us what we needed and Christmas has become about giving what we think the person might WANT... i love Christmas, i think its fun, but how much is too much? do people really expect us to go deeply into debt to get them that new game system, the extra clothes, and the chocolates? Christmas is fun, and i like all the things all these wonderful people gave me, and i hope they like what i gave them too. i know nothing will change next year, people will still spend, people will still get what they WANT, but maybe we can think about the amazing gift God gave us, the gift thats worth so much more than a playstation or an mp3 player or even a new lap top, Jesus. the greatest gift of all folks...the only one we really NEED, and no one can top it, not even with their credit cards. thank you LORD, my salvation, my all in all, my favorite gift.

update

...its almost Christmas, thats fabulous! i need a job please pray for me. avery found his christmas present today lol a buzz lightyear video game:S lol but at least he likes it. umm..oh my dad has high cholesteral...weird cuz hes skinny, but they said its genetic, diet cant control it...sooo yeah yet another thing im prolly going to die of:P anyway...ok somy parents anniversary party was a big success:) thats good since it was pretty much my grandmas dying request:S. we had them a little second wedding and it was sooo fun:) grandma has been gone for a month and 3 days now im finally starting to be ok....and least oker:) i miss her incredibally...its crazy..and grandpa is so sick too...its scarey. we are having Christmas pretty much the same as normal...so thats something to look forward to except for we will all miss grandma sooo much. anyway i hope all is well with you all:) please keep us in your prayers:) and remember to keep Jesus number one this Christmas, after all it is His birthday celebration:) and He is awesome!

big word bull...

why do people use big words to describe things? why do so called "thinkers" really just come up with a long way of saying something people already know? and what is philosophy? i was recently sent this message

"been reading a great bk by martin buber "i and thou" ..... a classic philosophy/religion text...on connectedness:"Egos appear by setting themselves apart from other egos.Persons appear by entering into relation to other persons.One is the spiritual form of natural differentiation, the other that of natural association.The purpose of setting oneself apart is to experience and use, and the purpose of that is "living" - which means dying one human life long.The purpose of relation is the relation itself - touching the You. For as soon as we touch a You, we are touched by a breath of eternal life." p.112-3i like many things here...for e.g. that it is the relation that is key....not what it is "producing", what i am "getting" "out of IT", etc. But rather - it is the inter-act-i-on that is the "goal" [not that that is the goal] - to KNOW another, to know one-self, and ones-self...and the relation between these.But I see little of that today - rather it's treating the other like a he/she/it/object - looking for full-fill-ment from the other, and when that doesn't "produce", anxiety results, and either anger or withdrawal comes forth or "is produced".thots?"

now, what the heck?? my thought...who cares? thats right who cares. all those words to say what...ask not what they can do for you but what you can do for them? mm hmm...put others b4 your self...ok... touching the "YOU" LOL yeah ok if you touch my "YOU" i'll smack you. good grief...can anyone make sense of this? cuz all i think is...hey whitey stop thinking, go outside, play ball and get a tan!... theses "thinkers" sure think they are smart...but are they? think if the wrote an essay, a normal persons would be 6 pages, theirs would be 400 just cuz they feel the need to share their "genius thoughts". yeah...smart? or trying too hard?

hurt by johnny cash

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

she is gone.

its all over now. grandma passed this morning at 4. death seemed so peacefull after all the painfull dying. still its so very sad. only 66. please keep my family in your prayers. the memorial is monday visitation at 1 pm until 2, and then the service and to the cemetary and back to grandpa's house after. the visitation is at nisbetts in peterborough. thank you for your prayers.


also:
God's plans never mess us up. its when we confuse our plans with His and thikn our are better. they never are. i know God is in control, and even though it hurts really bad to know my grandma isn't here, i trust God was fair with her, and i know that she had alot of prayers, and heard His Word a lot over the past month. i miss my grandma terribly, infact it doens't feel real, like at the time it felt like maybe she was just sleeping, or like it wasn't her and she was gogin to walk into the room. but God has kept me strong. God is amazing, and gives us exactly what we need. i am so glad i was there with her when she died. plese keep praying for us.

grandparents and good friends

ok i'll start with my grandma, she is on a morphine pump now for pain, the pills weren't cutting it anymore. she is still going down hill, so keep her and our family in your prayers.

my grandpa, well there is nothing else they can do for him now. he is on chemo pill, but eventually the cancer will just smash through the chemo pill and keep growing. the doctor told him to live everyday like its his last because it very well could be. this is very very hard. he has done so well, but there is jsut nothing else they can do now. on the bright side, he got his fake teeth, and he looks very handsome:) he even got a new hat, a flat top kind, its so cute:) please keep him in your pryaers as well.

i also thought i'd add thet my cousin totalled her mom's car last night, rolled it...but her and her friend are ok :) thank the LORD:)

now the good friends part. i was talking to jilly today:) i love her, memories are so fabulous! i love all of my friends, and i am so glad you are part of my life, even if i dont get to see you often, i appreciate you greatly:) thank you so much for your prayers, and for all the memories we have shared:) i am very fortunate to have met all of you. (hugs)

update

ok, so...life hasn't been easy. watching someone slowly die is horrible. my grandma is soo sick. she doesn't have much time left. she rambles about stuff and makes no sense. i stayed there last night and she woke me up a lot. she woke me up at 6 am yelling because she said she needed water...but i think it was just because she wanted to make sure someone was there. its so crazy. she wants me to stay there everynight, though i am not sure if i will. it is a scarey thought to think i could be there alone with her when she dies. the faither healer was in tehre yesterday...that was interesting. just please pray for me and for my family. i am terrified to be there alone with her, but i have to if they need me, because i couldn't possibly be more affraid of wathcing her die than she is of dying. i am so stressed out, and i can't even imagine what its goign to be like when she goes...its just...not cool to think about even though i woudl rather her go soon because she is in a lot of pain, she isn't with it, she can bearly swallow, and she doens't have bowel movements anymore. i know GOD IS IN CONTROL. but im still scared...so please pray for me, and for my family that is going to be completely devestated when she goes, especailly for my grandpa because he has leukemia, and although he looks great and all they don't know what to do with him so pleade pray for more treatments and that he can make it through her death. ach that sucks to even say. just please pray a lot.

on a bright note, i have been reading "the hiding place" by corrie tenboom, and i woudl reccomend it to EVERYONE. its amazing, just absolutely amazing. thank you all for everything(hugs)

i like this band a lot now.

HINDER LYRICS
"Lips Of An Angel"

honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweetComing from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweetComing from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
honey why you calling me so late?

updating is hard, thats why i don't do it. i was living at my grandparent's house, taking care of my grandma, but she is in the hospital now...which is sad. a man died when i was there today and it was like a preview of whats to come. she just slept the whole time and twitched a lot, and in her sleep said "i'm home". so horrible. she doesn't eat now, so it wont be too much longer before she dies...and i don't know how any of us are goign to deal with that especially my deathly ill grandfather. please keep us all in your prayers. this is so hard. i dont even want to write any of it down cuz it makes it very real. honestly im scared. just pary for my family, and please also pray for my relationship with God which for like 2 months was non existant. im doing a bit better now, at least i care now, and want to change, and live for Him again, but i know i can't do it alone, i need him to help me A LOT. so please pray:) and thank you all for all your prayers. and for your love, i love you guys. hmm i should put somethign good in here too...although me wanting to live for God again is super good, ok good, me and my mom are getting along pretty well now, since i stayed with grandma my parents keep telling me they are proud of me, and my dad told my brother he is giving me the car so thats cool:)

P.S. HOW DO I ADD LINKS AND PICTURES TO MY BLOGS? I TRIED BUT I JSUT DON'T GET IT!! PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!

p.p.s. sometimes when you think things are just about you, God sends a little someone your way, and you can't help but smile.:) thanks girlie, for trusting me.

pray time please

things are just getting really hard, and everything is confusing. i dont think i have every felt so many emotions at once before. my grandma has about a month left i think, and so thats rough. also all my emotions about other people and other things, my grandpa being so sick, and my brother almost dying, and amanda and jeffrey breaking up, and some other things....its just too hard. everything seems too hard. i think i have pretty much just given up because i just cant deal with things alone anymore. so please pray for me, and for my family because they are so stressed out trying to make all the final arrangements with my grandma and cleaning out the house and stuff. pretty much right now nothing means anything, i often hate everything and everyone, and i don't even cry anymore its just like...fine i give up. i have a hard time trusting anyone anymore...at all...and so thats proving to be a huge challenge right now. i have no idea what i want to do with my life, i have no job right now, and most days i don't even want to go out of my room. i have noticed that i really care what people think now, and that bothers me a lot. it like actualy makes me sad when people don't like me...even if their reasons are retarded. i feel totally inadequate. i never felt like this before, i coudn't have cared less what people thought of me. it just feels like everything is caving in around me, and i just don't care enough to fight anymore. i just give up. and i feel stupid all the time. so plese pray for me.

yet another reason to not have kids?

"i think when the woman gets her period, and then the man goes over and has sex with her...im just guessing" that is a quote from my 7 year old cousin....ha....explaining sex and babbies to my 10 year old cousin today... they thought today is the day we should know about sex and babbies... so i was asked sooo many questions...i tried chaning the subject many times, and it finally worked after what felt like forever! even the 3 year old had imput...they are farmers so they have seen calves be born, and lucas said, "the baby comes out of the cows bum"...good grief....why do people have kids? they jsut get lice and wanna' know about sex:S:S ha...ok well maybe i still want them...but man....you thik lice are bad val....wait until the sex questions start....like "does the boys weinner go in the girls weinner"? ahhhhh what the heck do ya' say to that? i of course laughed and went and called my mother:S.

lice: a good reason to not have children.

well my aunts kids got lice. and since im home with them allll day long, i had to be the one picking dirty nasty little bugs and eggs out of their hair....how freaking nice for me. i don't even have kids yet...and sitll i had to pick lice. so, i smell. thats right i smell. like tea tree oil, it repels them. so i washed my hair in it. also....its killer on your hair, but at least i dind't get lice, and i am pretty sure i got rid of the kids. when i left tonight there wasn't a nit i could see...go me...super babysitter. so, i put olive oil, for 2 hours, then picked out bugs nad nits, and then washed it with dish soap and then with tea tree oil shampoo with extra drops added. them little nasty bugs had better be dead out of the kids hair...i did that 2 days in a row...oh how fun...joy! ok so, people who want to be parents someday....remember...lice are out there....so don't let your kids have friends....they jsut give them bugs. and remember how sad it is to hold a three year olds head under the faucet while he is balling his eyes out...and remember you ahve to pick bugs while he balls his eyes out....poor little fella's. ok, so maybe its still worth it to have kids....but it is pretty icky. i am home now though, and in a lice free zone, still smelling, and no longer picking bugs! for the record...rachel was right...they are the size of seseme seeds...ew. hope you all are doing well. :)

terrific job!

KILL-FLOOR Person required, will train. Serious applicants only need apply in person. Little Britain Meat Packers or call 705-786-2101. Fax application to 705-786-2151.



the coolest job posting ever. i stumbled accross it while looking for a job...lol how hilarious!

so, do you ever get into a situation where you have to defend God, and you suddenly realize what a horrible hypocrit you are? yeah well that was me tonight. so in light of this situation, i ask for prayers for myself, and the person i was talking with, and i would like to leave you with these lyrics:


Kutless - Draw Me Close Lyrics
Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
Help me find a way to bring me back to you
[Chorus:]
You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want,
Help me know you are near
You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause no one else
Can take you place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find a way to bring me back to you
[Chorus:]
You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want,
Help me know you are near

also please pray for my grandparents still. grandpa is in TO having an experimental drug because his cancer is back and he can't take anymore chemo, and my grandma could die any day i think....i mean i would guess her to have a month left, but...i don't know...they don't leave her alone anymore...so please pray for my family, and for their salvation. thank you.

update

well this week was fairly brutal. first off, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. this was monday and he was just toatlly wrecked. he was balling his eyes out while laying on my mom's bed with my mom holding him. this was something i hadn't seen before....and its not like we don't know loss, a lot of our friends have died but i have never witnessed a reaction like this from him before. i of course balled my eyes out a lot. i love her so much and her 3 year old son, and i missed them the second i found out. they are now, back together. the breakup only lasted a couple of days, and they were back together friday evening. i have a feeling things will be better now than ever, because she is oging to talk to him instead of push him away wehn things aren't right. so then i got to stop crying and my blood pressure returned to normal. and today i got to see her and give her a big hug...man i love that girl. anyway, on wednesday we found out that my grandma only has maybe a month, or maybe more to live...not long anyway. the cancer had gone crazy in her and spread everywhere, including more on her liver. she is taking a chemo pill that will hopefully shrink the big ones enough to make her more comfortable so that she can die with a little less pain. that seems kinda' sucky to me...pretty freaking sad. anyway, things are looking a bit better here now, aside from my grandma. my grandpa will be taking some sort of experimental cancer drug in a couple weeks. he will be the first man in canada to get it so thats pretty cool. please keep them and us in your prayers. anyway i hope all your lives are going well. keep growing:) love you all.

thanks

thank you if anyone prayed.

prayer please

my family is going through some really difficult things right now...please pray for us...a lot...please, especially my brother who is 21, as well as my grandparents, thank you.

baby st john has arrived!

well julie had her baby! it was a boy of course, and i assume his name is still dradon. he weighed 10 pounds!!! they induced her yesterday morning cuz they knew he was goign to be big, and he just wasn't comming out so they did a c section last night after 10 sometime. its pretty exciting he is the first gret grandchild in our family. anyway i am at my aunt's house baby sitting, i'll prolly have more to update on thursday night when i get home. hope you are all doing well, and enjoying your summers.

summer fun

well, this summer is shaping up to be interesting if nothing else. grandma will be starting chemo soon i think, unless its too late. grandpa is starting his new drug, but first they are pulling out all his teeth. julie still hasn't had her baby, he is a week and a day overdue. i will be at jane's house for most of the summer....pretty much everyday, its supposed to be babysitting, but in reality its making breakfast and lunch for the kids and dinner for the whole family, cleaning, laundry, baking, and the last day i was there last week she handed me this itinerary for an expencive kids camp, and asked me to do all the things with her kids that they would have been doing at camp. :S 3 boys 3, 7, and 10. working there and living there all week is just crazy and it drains me of every bit of energy i have. except that, someone asked my mom if i would put my resume in at a restaurant here. so my mom said yes i would. so if i get this job i would be working there every day that i am not working at jane's likely. so basically i will be working 24 hours a days for 3-5 days a week, and then i will come home and go to work someplace else....is it just me or does this seem crazy? oh and before i forget, my aunt still hasn't paid me for the last week, and one day for the week before that, so i still have zero dollars. pretty sure this is going to be the worst summer ever. hope everyone else has time to take a shower and a deep breath, cuz i sure don't.

my cooking adventure

well today i got bored, and so i decided to make chicken curry. then of course i thought well....cant eat it without naan! so today i made chicken curry and naan! i had to make the curry with noe recipe cuz i couldnt find one i liked, but it turned out fabulous! a little spicey but i took one of my pills and some tums lol and after a lot of pain it eventually felt better LOL. i made so much but have no one to share with:( thats ok though. the point is i can make it and naan! lol next time i'll try roti! anyone else have any ideas? :) hope things are well with everyone:) my dad is doing well:) i am too. keep praying for my family please.