ok guys

i went to see my grandpa on saterday. he is up and down like crazy. one minute he is ok with it and he will be like maybe i don't have to go to toronoto. or you ready to make all those bus trips to see me again? and sometimes he is just iek i cna't believe its back, i don't believe it, i wont until they tell me on thursday. its so hard to sit there when he is almost crying. we put him to work though planting flowers we brought for grandma and digging some out for us. him and dad and uncle donny were also looking at all of our cars he just got a new one this winter, and uncle donny just got a new accura. oh...and good news we found out that aunt meaghan is pregnant again...they weren't telling anyone but its obvious and so grandma asked uncle donny straight up, and he said yes. she is about 12 weeks, so pray that she wont loose the baby this time. and this was good news for my grandpa to hear too cuz donny is his only son. i am scared about my grandpa, but i have this kind of calming faith that everything is going to be ok. God is so awesome. He gave me you guys to help me to get through all the hard times. good friends are hard to find, i am so thankful to have you guys. pretend i am giving you hugs right now....even if you don't liek hugs ;) hehe. i spent today gardening with my mom, and i would imagine that if she is feeling alright after physio tomorrow we will be doing more. today was the hardest part though, after this we just have to plant little ones to fill spaces, and to fill containers. justin's arm seems to be getting better, thats good...it has taken so long. i cleaned our whole room yesterday and the day before because dan was comming and i didn't want him to know that i still hadn't put away all my school stuff. i had to give away a tone of clothes, but thats ok i have lots to spare. it looks nice and i even have some fresh cut lilacs in there to make it smell pretty...of course justin is allergic...but hey. i appreciate all of your prayers everyone. please keep praying for my grandpa, he is going to toronto on thursday...i guess thats when we will figure out what is going to happen, when treatment will start and where and whats gonna' go on. please pray for my grandpa to have strength, enough strength to get though. last time he wrote in his journal "i will beat this thing cancer". please pray he can do it again. and pray for his salvation. thank you all i love you all, have a good night. p.s. please pray that i keep up with my Bible reading and devotions and praying. thank you good night.

wow

when your world comes crashing down, when you feel completely alone, when your heart is breaking, when there is no place to cry, no arms to hold you no where for you...you feel like this. my grandpa has leukemia again. he is ready to face it and get it over with...but i am so scared. they say the second time around you don't do as well. he did so well last time...extremely well... he just got a new job. he had retired before he got sick, but now that he is well again he was bored. so he got a new job he just started...and now...he has to quit again. his life was finally getting back to normal...we had so many plans for the summer. today was a horrible day. it wasn't even just finding out about my grandpa...it was other stuff with my family...and i realized that sometimes your closest friends....don't care about you at all...and thats scarey...cuz they know everything about you...they are the people that will hurt you the most in your life. how do you know who to trust? how many chances can you give someone before they destroy you? please please please everyone pray for my grandpa! please! i really love him a lot.

anger

i tried to post earlier but it killed it and so then i was like ach not wasting my time...and i left for a few hours and now i am back to try again. stupid graduation from kid to grandma. oh well. my brother's arm still isn't better and no one knows why...huh. and we still haven't got the results back for my grandpa yet...:( please keep praying. there was plus a lot more...but...i don't remember it. umm oh yeah...i hope luke and nick are having fun! remember me here all alone...even though i paid my dues;) blah!! lol anyway i hope everyone is having a good night. i love you. i hope you guys are remembering to pray and do devotions....cuz i keep forgetting...ugh.

i hate titles.

i was picking out pictures of justin tonight for his school...it was fun...he used to be so cute...and i guess he still is. there are a couple of pictures of us abusing him....those are my favorites....hahaha...tonight he told me we need to clean OUR room...i was like grrr...anyway if its OUR room now then it should be team work, i should mess it up and he should clean it up! haha....it seems to be the opposite though.... i finally graduated...i guess i am like your grandma now...matty i know you get it....remember that part of our timmies conversation? yeah....well i finally did it today when we were at lansdown place. its been an interesting day i suppose. nicki and luke i hope you two are having fun....enjoy your time there nick! (and think of me not being there....grrr:( sadness). well ya'll...i'll post again another time...enjoy your night!

fun

jen's wedding was beautiful. i didn't get to stay for the whole reception cuz ty wanted to leave but that was ok. what i got to be part of was great! i can't believe they are married!! congratulations jordan and jenny i know your lives together are going to be awesome and blessed by God!!! if anyone has pictures of the wedding plese send them to me:( i only have one its of jordan and jen at the refreshment time before the pictures and reception. after ty and i left he dropped me off with dan and we hung out for a bit. we went for a drive, it was pretty cool, you drive right along the river for a while, i am sure its beautiful in the day time. then we went up to the lift locks and watched the fire works...sounds nice eh? well he wanted me to go onto the tower with him but as soon as i passes through both sets of gates and took one step out i freaked out. i couldn't walk on the side(even though there is a rail) becase i could see the road and i knew i was going to slip and fall to my death. so of course i do this little hyper ventilate thing(oh goody) and dan was way ahead of me and he was like whats wrong? and i couldn't answer all i could do was hold on relaly tight and very carefully get back to the pavement where i wouldn't slip and fall to my death....which is surprisingly hard to do when you are hyper ventilating... the firse works were still cool even though we just stood on the concrete and watched....the fire works were hig enough to go over the trees. it actaulyl was reall nice...its was cool to see them from so far away and see them b4 hearing them. then he brought me to timmies and my daddy came and got me and brought me home where my brother's friends and i cruised fatchicksinpartyhats.com, there are swears by the millions...and bad ones...i don't reccomend the site at all, unless you don't read the captions. i know courtney campbell really likes the site. anyway despite my little heart attack at the lift locks, and the mind trash i was looking at, last night was awesome:) and againg congratulations jordan and jenny! p.s. jerry lies he came to the wedding like he said he wasn't going to...geeze...whats with that guy? i love you jerry!

jerry digs chicks!

our dear firend jerry bolton has, for as long as he has been at klbc at least, claimed to dislike women. i am stepping out on a limb here though, and i am gonna' say jerry lies. he tries too hard to pretend he doesn't love us...its a dead give away;) oh don't worry jerry we love you too! in other news not only did matt and ruth have a baby (matthewcook.blogspot.com), but tomorrow jordan and jenny are getting married!!!! how exciting is that? hello?? like 7 exciting! anyway i miss you all and you had better be comming to miliscus! i hope you all have a great friday night! i wish i had something smart to say...that seems to be the reson most people have these things...but i am not going to..mostly cuz i am a moron...anyway...oh..i found my stomping tom cassette...and my kenny rodgers one too...so my life has become a little more complete! ahh...the good old days...

good and bad

so i am so glad that joesph william is here. matt and ruth are parents!!! how exciting is that? so thats the good news. the bad news is, my grandpa got some blood tests a couple of weeks ago because he goes every few weeks for about a year now, since the leukemia has been gone. well, he has been bruising, which was the first sign that he had leukemia the first time...which seems so long ago now. also, the tests came back that his platelettes are low. thats a bad sign. i didn't tell anyone cuz i guess i thought it would go away if i pretended it wasn't real. well today he got a bome marrow test done, and i am scared again. the results wont come back for a week, but i am so scared. please pray for my grandpa, please! i don't want him to have to go through what he went through again, and i don't want him to die. he isn't a Christian, but i found out last summer that one of his sisters and her husband are. please pray that he and other members of my family will be saved, and pray that my grandpa doesn't have leukemia again. thank you all so much.

kittens and root beer

i am bored. i get to hang out with matty tomorrow though and so that's funness! i miss everyone a lot. i am very jealous of those of you who get to go see luke this summer...you haven't paid your dues like i have! i deserve to go...i put my time in...you are all new! grrr....anyway...have fun ya'll. i can't believe jen and jordan are getting married in only a few days....its craziness!!! i am sad that i have to miss canada's wonderland...i haven't been in years and i would love to go, but there is no way i am missing this wedding if i don't have to! so i hope all who go to wonderland have a good time. guys...mail me call me leave a comment...whatever...i would love to hear from you! i hope you all have a good night.

finally!

i finally finished and emailed everything at about 7 30 this morning!!! i am finally done my third year at klbc!!!!! now all i have left is half of a year! thank goodness!!! i love klbc, but this prairie stuff is no fun at all...its difficult and its not ver rewarding. anyway i have no gotten 4 hours of sleep...i don't feel too too bad but i think i am gonna go back to be soon anyway. and andrew i am jsut too tired to use capitals this morning, i am sorry. thank you all so muchfor your prayers! there really is no way i could have finished everything without him. God is awesome! a special thank to luke and nicki and matty and stephi and everyone else who has been encouraging me over the past few weeks. your encouragment has meant a lot to me. luke plesae don't forget the face kicks next year if i procastinate again...i am ready to give you yours just in case! i love you guys, i might write more later when my brain is actually functioning. xo

yippy

i am finally done my art explorations! thank goodness...and thank the mcphails who allowed me to use their computer to get the music i needed that my parent's horrible computer wouldn't let me get. i love that family. so...i now have a permenant pink streak through my hair. i like it...but when i washed it the dye bled and so now it looks kinda crappy because its a pink streak and then bad pink mess around it. its ok though...it still looks alright i guess. its sure fun...i mena i haven't done fun stuff with my hair in years...and now...a hot pink streak!! lol thank you to sarah babineau for the wonderful idea...i miss you you beautiful pirate you! and thank you to luke who told me it would suit me...you're the best:) i still have a bunch of work to do b4 saterday...and i feel horrible...i am not sure whats wrong with me but i am dead tired and feel dizzy....its like i am going back to the way i was a couple of weeks b4 school was over...but at least i know i don't need a kidney transplant! i miss you guys a lot...and i will get on my encouragment notes next week cuz i will be all done my school work. i kinda' want a tatoo...the pink hair has inspired me...but i thik i will still wait until i am married that way if my husband doesn't like it i wont have it. hair dye will fade and piercings can be taken out...but tatoos...well they are forever. speaking about husband...since no boy i have talked to thus far seems to like pink hair...looks like its gonna' be a while...meh...oh well its worth it then. well ya'll i am gonna' do a bit more work and then go to bed...please keep remembering to pray for me! oh and check out ruthcook.blogspot.com...she is so cute and her belly has gotten so big! yay the baby will soon be here! keep them in your prayers too! i love you all...and i thank you all for being part of my life!

blach

spent so much time with medical people today. first physio and then in the hospital where we brought my brother when his little friend smashed him arm. its apparently not broken, but the doctor doesn't trust the xrays ....and i agree the thing is swallen huge! sick. anyway he has a half cast and has to keep it on for two weeks then go to the doctor and the x rays are going to a specialist. anyway....i am a great sister i went and bought slushies and froze my hands off walking home with three of them...one for each of us kids...of course it was jefrey's money....oh well lol. i am still borring tonight. so i am going to bed. thanks for reading my crap!

nothing to say

i really have nothing to say tonight. i guess just if you read this and haven't talked to me in a while maybe its about time you did. i miss you guys. i guess thats really it... yup i am borring alright.

ha

hurray for me being the coolest winner ever! when i said wfc...which is wouth for Christ, what i meant was yfc....which is youth for Christ...i think more of you are familiar with that group than with the other. please pray for me. i am really having a tough time. i relaly miss everyone from school and i thank you all so much for how you have shaped my life...every person from every year. and mister andymac....no!!!! waahahaa....ok here just for you. I love all my friends including, Andrew Mackay. Happy now? I hope so. Well, I believe that is it for me tonight. Please, though, remember to pray for me. Oh and on the bright side, I found an assignment I lost on my computer:). By the way Andrew, typing with capitals is hard work. I hope you appreciate it. Yay I just found out I get to walk with Derek at Lindsay's wedding:) Alright, good night ya'll.
p.s. i know luke isn't it awesome? i am so glad that i am healthy...especially since i have been jogging and stuff anyway....except tonight and i feel soo guilty...like horribly guilty...is that normal? like i don't think i am going to sleep well at all. ach.

stress

ok so i am still finishing up my work. and i am trying to find an internship...which sucks when you live in a little pit and you can't drive to get someplace thats not a pit. and i am stressing out over trying to find way to be able to get to lindsay's and back all summer for her wedding and for fittings and stuff. life is 100% pure stress....i am begining to think that there really aren't many happy moments at all....like maybe every person gets between 2 and 12 in their whole lifetime. i hope i am the person who gets 12...but i am thinking i am the person who gets 2. well at least i am running again...then maybe i can be a little better looking and unhappy. if you are having a happy moment people, enjoy it! it might be your very last one ever. mother's day is tomorrow. that day to me feels like hey nicole this is the day people would be celebrating for you if you weren't a failure. i know God has a plan for me...but really...i think i am honestly gonna' be the woman throwing cats and laughing out whooo whoo whooo whooo whoo whoo whoo whoo heh. blah.

hurray!

so exciting! i am not going to die! my ultra sound came back normal!! nothing wrong with my kideny!!! go me! what else is going on? i am running again yay! and even doing situps and such. i ran with my puppy jenny tonight, that was fun...interesting...but fun. i am getting school done so hopefully soon i can wash my hands of that. and then i have to find an internship....maybe at WFC...we'll see. i am glad to be home, even though i now share my room with my little brother. its a bunk bed but its kinda' fun anyway...it gives him a home so thats cool...of course he has taken over and watches movies...but lol thats ok. i miss all you guys. luke i can't believe its going to be 8 months....thats almost a year....i don't know if i can deal with that...ach. lets have a everyone come visit me day....hmmm...well thats enough i am old and i need sleep....or i need to lay in bed while justin watches a movie....lol oh well. i'm board people talk to me! tell me whats up! thanks for your prayers...i am so glad i don't need to take someone's kidney.