im goign to pour out my soul, if you dont like it, or plan on making fun of me...prolly dont read it.
so lately it seems my life just keeps getting crappier. i tried to have faith. i tried all last year and all summer when it felt like i was goign through absolute hell. turned out i failed pretty miserably and did some stupid stuff i will never be able to take back. i had faith all through my grandpa's illness....then my grandma got sick and died. ever go through someone's death feeling completely alone? and now...here i am 25, not married no job, and not so happy at home, but no way to leave, unless i want to live liek a 12 year old girl at bording school. people keep telling me to have faith...but these are people with lives that are happy. how do they know anything about having faith? what you have faith that God will...maintain your fabulous life? woopie. how can you tell someone to jsut have faith when you dont understand what faith is. people look down on me because i do not have faith...in reality i have as much faith as them, its jsut they aren't being tested...they dont have to 'have faith' because they have everythign they want. what would you do if you were living in a place with people who made it quite clear they dont want you, if you couldn't find a job and you had no way out? what woudl you do if the person you loved and trusted most in the world was someone you just messed up? if people all around you were sick and dying...if you were getting older and older and were still single even though you just feel like you were built to be a wife and a mother if your extended family looked at you as a failure because you are single...dont have a job and live at home...if you didn't fit in anywhere cuz the Christians think you are bad and the non Christians do things you don't want to do. what woudl you do? thats the advice i want. i dont want the advice to have faith from someone who doens't understand what exactly have faith means. im sure some people mean well, but i know most of you look down on me. im not less of a Christian because i struggle. and i dont want pitty, i want help...i want to knoo everything is goign to be ok. how do i know that? how do i have faith? when everything is going wrong how can i trust that someday something will go right? you tell me all i need is God...but, He made us social people, he gave us eachother to help us to grow, you tell me all i need is God, but i need friends too. i also need prayer. i'll prolly regret writing all this, i'll prolly get embarassed that you all know my personal life...but im stuggling and i need help. please dont just judge me, look down on me and think wow at least im not as messed up as her. im asking you for help...not for you to look down your noses at me. and i remember the verse consider it pure joy my brother's whenever you face trials of many kinds... but my question is how?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
a little adventure for you into my life:P
2 comments:
i like the vulnerability of this post. I would gently refute the claim that others don't have to have faith like you have to, at the same time recognizing where you're coming from and how things must seem. we all have different struggles, some of them aren't as visible. but that's not the point. i don't really know how to answer and not be cliché, it's terrible to feel alone in a struggle. it's hard to sometimes be at His mercy for when these trials will end, but we know that they are all for our good. keep blogging, keep processing and going through these thoughts. He is faithful, and one day you will be thankful for it. you're not alone champ. peace
You don’t know me, but who I am is not important and what I have to say is only important is it can be backed up by God’s Word.
I don’t have answers. I’m not sure anyone does.
Faith.
It is a BIG thing. But does the size of it matter? Unfortunately often in the kingdom people talk about faith as if the SIZE of it actually matters. But Jesus said that all that was need was faith the size of a mustard seed. Which, in case you’ve never seen a mustard seed, is pretty small.
You don’t need more. I don’t need more. People might tell us we do but people ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. What they say can hurt us but it isn’t always the truth. You must test what they say against what God says. God ALWAYS SPEAKS TRUTH. People can be easily misguided, even when they have the best intentions and hopes.
What I would suggest or challenge you to do is not focus on the amount of faith you have but rather in whom you have pout your faith.
Focus on GOD.
Our God is an awesome God. I cannot even come anywhere near close to describing His power and His might and how much He loves you Nicole. How beautiful He thinks you are. How perfect His plan for your life is.
It is hard to focus on God.
I, personally have a hard time focusing on anything for very long but it is something that can be developed. Work on it. Meditate upon Him. Upon His love for you.
He sees your heart. He knows that you are sad, hurt and all those things. He can empathise with all your emotional feelings but cling to the truth. It is REALLY hard to do. Often it requires us to change. Change is difficult but worth everything.
Focus on God’s perfect love for you.
He loves you.
He always has. He set you apart before the creation of the world to be his wonderful Nicole. He has perfect plans for you. Plans to prosper you. Plans for your future. His plan for you are perfect and loving and exactly what is best for you.
Unfortunately often these plans come with troubles. Jesus said that in this world we will have many troubles but do not lose heart, do not fear. Do you know why you have no cause to lose heart? Because God overcame the world. If He is for you, what can anything that is against you do? Who has more power than Him who is for you?
No one.
Sometimes it is really hard to have perspective.
Life looks horrible.
We see no point.
Everything is in ruins.
All our hopes and plans and dreams.
I challenge you to continually surrender your heart, your hopes, your dreams, and your plans into God’s hands.
Oh, yes it is so hard. I know. I struggle with doing that to. But I know that my God loves me and that His plans for me will be for His glory. Not necessarily for what I think is best right now.
Draw close to God.
Remind yourself of how He sees you.
What He thinks.
What he wants.
His desires for you.
Know these things.
Know them.
Memorise them so that you can stand firm on the Word of God when the enemy comes in your thoughts or in the voice of other people telling you that you are worthless or hopeless or not good enough or a lost cause. Know that you, Nicole, are none of these things to God. That He loves you! He loves you.
He loves you, Nicole.
He sacrificed His son for you.
His son willingly endured the cross for you.
It seems as if, like myself you struggle with seeing yourself in a positive light. I struggle with this. I have struggled with it but I am slowly, by the grace of God, changing. It is really hard.
I would challenge you to write out a list of ten things that you think are GREAT about yourself. Ten things that you believe are great about yourself.
It took be ages to write out my list and it still wasn’t the best list ever but it was a start.
Pray that the Holy Spirit will start to transform your mind. That your thoughts will be based on truth and not on what people say. I am praying for you. I will continue to pray for you about this.
I really think that the Devil’s schemes are pretty ingenious. I mean, what is powerful than hindering the elected than by making them think they are worthless? He diminishes the power they posses because their thoughts are that they are nothing. It also could maybe be a sign that God has some incredible things in store for you that Satan wants you to never achieve. Just a random thought…I like randomness also
If you have asked God to forgive for whatever you have done, then He has.
God has taken what you have repented from and placed it into the sea of forgetfulness. He has removed it as far as the east is from the west. It is gone. God no longer thinks of it or sees it. He sees you through the perfect of His son Christ.
Now you have to forgive yourself and forget it. By that I mean you have to remember so you don’t go and do it again but forget all the chains of guilt and shame that are associated with it.
If God, the creator of everything can forgive you and has forgiven you for what you have done surly you can forgive yourself.
It is hard. I know. But another way we become less effective is if we are being drown in false guilt of our making.
So remember God has forgotten it and therefore go and sin no more!
Another thought that might help you is to look into what faith is according to the Bible. What did the lives of people who are in the faith hall of fame look like?
How did they live?
How did they think of God?
What did they do?
What does the Bible say faith is?
They weren’t perfect. They did some bad stuff but God loved them. God loves you. He doesn’t expect you to be perfect.
What do you think faith means?
I’d actually be interested in your thoughts on that….
Look at how Paul describes how he sometimes felt…
2 Corinthians Chapter One verses: 3, 4a, 8-9
All praise to the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles…I think you ought to know…about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead.
Do not lose heart. For great us our God and like the song says: mighty to save.
Now to answer your question:
I have no idea what I would do in your situation. I don’t really know it but from the sounds of it, it is pretty hard and tough and there doesn’t seem to be a soft place to fall but there is God. And even though you don’t know me and I don’t know you I am hear anytime you want to talk or pray.
I do not look down on you. I can relate to many things you describe.
Never forget that God loves you.
You aren’t supposed to do this on your own but often people don’t know how to help other people. They say what they think is best. Unfortunately it often doesn’t help. In fact my words could cause you great offence and harm as in who am I to say these things but I know there are people that care deeply about you. They might not express it in the way that translates that to you but I KNOW it. It is a fact that I think you can stand firm on. It is hard when they are not near you and you are surrounded by people that don’t show love and encouragement toward you.
You are loved.
God loves you.
Your friends love you.
I love you.
Post a Comment