oopsy

another month has gone by! no one ever reads these anyway.... but i'll say this. i am getting more hours at the liquor store, my uncle is very vrey very sick and needs your prayers big time. and i met a boy. his name is chad, he is very nice and i like him. i hope all is well with you all. you know...if anyone reads this. keep praying for me and my family please.

wow!

has it ever been a while! a month and a day! that jsut craziness! how could i have forgotten about you dear blogger?! how i missed you so! haha anywayyy... i now have a job at the liquor store, thank you to those have been praying:) i ask you please keep praying as this job is only until september, and i only get between 4 and 6 hours per week pretty much:S not enough! so im hoping to get another job as well. i will be going back to my aunt's this summer on days im not at the liquor store:S ach. anyway i trust all is well with you all! i unfortunately have not been able to make it back to the church that i so fell in love with, though i am hoping maybe this weekend i will get a chance! unfortunately i am at the mercy of those who drive me! if they cannot or will not i cannot go:( it is not an assembly though brad, its a pentacostal church, and its great. nothing better than being able to dance in church and hear a good message too! hmm im not sure what else has been new with me lately...that might be it...oh, i have redone my room!! how exciting! i may post pictures if i ever take some! my life has been ok up to this point, i have met a few online friends who are pretty cool, and i still got the good old ones like the fabulous nicki!! to talk to when im down..oh how i love that girl! oh yes...my friend sarah, my friend since grade 3 has a wedding date set for next august! how exciting!! my aunt meaghan is due in about a month and a half...thats longer than braydon, her first baby stayed in for! yay!!:D my family is sitll in pretty rough shape dealing with all the stuff that comes with the death of their parents. it was an absolutely terrible winter for us, and now its just about time to seel the house...which is an unthinkable thought right now:S:( i do ask that you continue to pray that mom and her sisters and brother can all stick together in these times. oh and more good news my brother caught an 8 lb pickrel at my trailer!!! how exciting! so we'll have a new wall ornament soon:P anyway i hope to get some comments its been a long time since i have talked to some of you!! i miss you all and i love you all! xo

church, blessings, and prayers

first off, i want to say that not this sunday(cuz i had no ride), but the sunday before that i went to a pentacostal church, for the first time... it so not at all what i was expecting. sure there were a lot of hallelujah's and there was an hour of singing, and then the service so altogether it goes from 11-1..thats a 2 hour service people:P but the teaching was good, really giid and the people are fabulously friendly, all so excited to have you there...instead of the "why are you here" stares you tend to recieve at some churches. there is about 5 minutes where everyone goes around the church and greets everyone else. oh and its a huge church and its absolutely packed right full! its hard to find a seat!! and the teenagers sit up front..its a crazy thing...people actually want to be there, and so do i. as soon as i got in i said to my self " this is my new church". i love it. i dont think i know a single person there, except a kid from justin's school, who is a 16 or 17 year old cool kid, a guy even! who goes there without his parents cuz they dont go to church, just because he wants to be there. sweet eh? God's pretty fabulous. anyway, obviously there are still things i dont agree with that pentacostals would tend to, but oh well. the teaching was good that one week and i hope to see what its like every other week too. oh and they also have a tone of out reaches and stuff...im excited.

next topic.

people are never goping to learn they arent better than other people. there were parts of the klbc grad when i just wanted to walk out when mister Phil Barnes was speaking. not cuz his speach was bad, but because it was sooooooo good. because i felt i was sitting with a bunch of hypocrits(part of his address), who were just sitting there nodding, and not even listening to the man. the things he said were dead on. they are probably the things that are said every year, to live the life and so on...but this year i guess it extra hit me. maybe cuz hes a good speaker...maybe because im not living it...maybe cuz i know most people, sadly are not living it ...and there was a time i was naive enough to think they all were. anyway that was the klbc slogan this year, live it. and like mistr barnes said, that doesnt mean just going to church, it doesnt mean just reading your Bible, it doesnt mean just praying. it means really, actually living your live for Christ, in everything you do. and that means A LOT of change for pretty much everyone. cuz whats the point in reading the instruction manuel if you are just going to ignore the instructions? i was thinking of this thing....where if maybe we always carried some water....just an extra bottle or two, or a case if you have a car...so that when you see homeless people on the streets in the summer frantically searching through garbage cans for just a little drink...you could give them a bottle, and maybe tell them God loves them...whle showing them through your actions. i hope to be able to do this when i can. i got the idea from two sources. the first was last year i saw a man searching for water in trash cans and it soooo broke my heart, and so i gave him mine, because it was like 35 degrees that day and i could certainly buy another, but clearly he couldn't. then the second part...somehow let them know something about God through words...that came from no frills. a man asked for change and all i had was like 15 cents in my pocket, so i gave him that tiney bit of money and he said somerthing along the lines of "thank you, God bless you." then i emptied the cart into the trunk and brought it to him so he could return it for a mere quarter...and he said the same thing again. then i had time to go in my purse and find a bit more and he again said thank you and God bless you. it was so strange...because clearly...God has blessed me, hugely! yet this poor homeless man, who is excited at such a small sum of money, said those words to me. as though he felt so extraodrdinarily blessed that he wanted me to feel the same. we are blessed people. in two ways. if you are reading this, clearly you have money, a place to live and obvious luxeries many people dont have, so why not share a little in some form, a sandwich? water? change...? but if you are a Christian you have an even more important blessing. thats also something we should be sharing. i know its hard, im not quite sure how i can really do that yet..but i think its important we do...more important than the physical things we give, but they are a good way to get close enough to share even a few words.

next topic.

yesterday my parents brought home from grandpas a bunch of things, including the bible i gave him. at first it seemed as though he didnt open it at all...but one of the pieces of paper marking a verse was moved to genesis from psalms...maybe it just fell out...but the book mark had a verse on it to, and had i love you written on it. i know he read the alpha pamphlet. but yeah it was just sad to get it back. i miss him and my grandma so much. please pray lots for our family...that we make it through together and dont break apart.

next topic

i sooo need a job. i have my resume out at a lot of places, please pray i get something. but also know God is providing even though sometimes i feel im going to fall short, i always get a babysitting opportunity, or my mom gives me some...the money for my payments always comes from somewhere. i just would like to leave here and i cant do that without a job. also pray i can soon get my liscence.

thank you all for reading this huge blog. i love you.

friends

so...sometimes you can convince yourself that no one cares. turns out someone prolly does. someone will be there praying for you every step of the way, someone will do anything they can to help you, someone wants to see you succeed, someone love you even when you think they dont...or when you think you dont want them to. sometimes its the person you least expect. God is so gracious.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

and even when we get scared or worried, even when we run as far off the path as we can posibly run...Hes there with us...arms open, holding us, carrying us, forgiving us, loving us, and welcoming us back when we once again find the correct path. its not a secret my life isnt exactly going smoothly, but i know He has a plan for me, i just had to refind the path. thank you to anyone who gave my a pull in the right direction. thank you for prayers(keep it up:)), thank you to the person who pulled the most and hasnt stopped. God is good people...lets not forget.

five interesting or unknown facts about me

ok so i have been tagged by the beautiful nicki. she said she included me this time and if i dont do it she wont ever include me in anything ever again. so i had better do it! (haha nick i told you id put it in;))

1. my mom had to pick rocks out of my face after i fell out of a wagon i was riding down a hill at highspeeds:P(this wasn't the only time i had rocks picked from my flesh)

2. when i was little i made blue cookies, which were, if i remember, flour, white sugar and blue food colouring. oh, and i made my dad eat them;).

3. i used to play this game with my best friend sarah in grade 3, called jump dinky jump. ok so we named those old school pink erasers "dinky" and we'd bang on one end and make him jump across the table, and we'd say "jump dinky jump!" hahaha oh boy. the teacher eventually made us sit on opposite sides of the room, poor dinky couldnt jump that far.:(

4. i caught a crayfish with a flamming stick, threw him on the fire, waited until he was red, took him out and ate him;).

5. i won a fishing tournament when i was like 7...thats right, im awesome.

ok so like i tag....whos left ? lol ok shawn cuthill, jerry bolton, aj(just write it as a comment on my blog), val, and steve.

Love them like Jesus?

ok, so where are we exactly? and what is it we are doing? does anyone care about anyone? probably not. do we just do missions to look good? im going to make a bold statement, Christians are the most selfish people i have ever met. they don't care about other people, they care A LOT what other people think of them, and they pretty much have their heads up their asses. you NEED to leave your church, your family, your school and your 3 closest friends in order to see the world. if you've never seen a drunk person, you probably aren't doing your "job". being a Christian does not mean snubbing nonChristians because they do "bad" things. news flash, everyone does bad things. it means being Christ like. it means going out into the world with the gospel, not hiding the gospel while you're hiding yourself from the big bad sinners out there who smoke pot and use the dreaded "fword". it doesnt mean we all have to fly to india, but it does mean we need to leave our comfort zones venture out, and actually meet a nonchristian. oh and here's a hint, dont be affraid of them, you have God on your side. im going to bring this further. Chtistians dont even love other Christians. how can they? they are too busy judging them for their sins and differences. when a Christian is struggling, for the most part other Christians snub them too..."wretched sinner" they say, "i would NEVER do what they do. its their own fault they are suffering." sound like you? probably. LOVE. weird concept... to actually LOVE people..."LOVE them like JESUS" . thats right, the one we are supposed to be modeling our selves after...He LOVES! here are a couple songs to think about. one Christian, one secular. read them CAREFULLY.

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
Never even met her
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction




We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
Get a job you fuckin' slob's all he replied

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like (X4)

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she swears god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]

I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked the baddest dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start


I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game

God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]
To have to lose...


so, you probably haven't read this far, but im goign to keep goign anyway, just incase. i realize the second song has swear words, get over it. you know he is talkign about YOU in that song. perhaps you wouldn't use the term "you fuckin' slob", but you probably wouldn't give him any money, food or water, and you certainly wouldn't admit you were at a liqure store. This is how the world sees you. judgmental, mean, probably evil, definately selfish. they dont see Jesus in you, why? not because its their fault they can't see it, but because its YOUR fault you don't show it. so, lets stop hiding our lights under baskets shall we? how about we STOP looking down our noses at everyone? heres a biggie, how about we dont bash people behind their backs? you are NOT better than me, or the alcoholic down the street, or the murderer who killed a little girl after molesting her. open your eyes, open your arms, and open your hearts. lift eachother up, and love your neighbour as your self, even if he swears, drinks and doesnt believe in God.here is another tough one, PRAY. if you read all yhis, i am very surprised, leave a comment.

stolen, but so good!

Leonard Ravenhill quotes: stolen from steve bremner's blog.

"The Church used to be a lifeboat rescuing the perishing. Now she is a cruise ship recruiting the promising."
"Your doctrine can be as straight as a gun barrel-and just as empty!" (oh yes it can! saying it and living it are sooo different! so lets live it!)
"God pity us that after years of writing, using mountains of paper and rivers of ink, exhausting flashy terminology about the biggest revival meetings in history, we are still faced with gross corruption in every nation, as well as with the most prayerless church age since Pentecost." (yikes)
"You never have to advertise a fire. Everyone comes running when there's a fire. Likewise, if your church is on fire, you will not have to advertise it. The community will already know it." (you know what? i think it probably applies to our lives as well...if we are on fire for God...people are going to notice...we wont have to tell them. green thoughts are not stolen from steve:P)
"Some women will spend thirty minutes to an hour preparing for church externally (putting on special clothes and makeup, etc.). What would happen if we all spent the same amount of time preparing internally for church with prayer and meditation?" (imagine that...prayrfully preparing for church!)
"No man is greater than his prayer life. The pastor who is not praying is playing; the people who are not praying are straying. The pulpit can be a shop window to display one's talents; the prayer closet allows no showing off." (hmm...pray or stray? why do we pretend to pray, and then try to do things on our own? then we wonder why nothing works and we lose faith...duh nicole!)
"Everyone recognizes that Stephen was Spirit-filled when he was performing wonders. Yet, he was just as Spirit-filled when he was being stoned to death."(spirit filled in the hardest of times??imagine that! kinda goes along with "consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds..." no? so why do we feel sorry for our selves and whine and do everything BUT have joy?)
"Today’s church wants to be raptured from responsibility." (haha yeah...cuz its way easier!)


ok, so here's the thing people. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US? do we find our selves telling people we are Christians and they are like; " reallly? i never would have guessed it." or do people notice a difference in us....do they say thigns like "are you a Christian or something?" that would be so nice if people could know...well they should know. they should notice a difference in us. we are to be lights right? so why do we hide our lights under baskets? its crazy...we are being very selfish...we are hiding truth! or we bend the truth because we are affraid of offending people....even though the gospel is offencive to sinners(thats us too!). ok so what do we do? lets be our selves. our selves we know we should be! lets not trade in our values because things get hard, or because we are affraid! lets not give up prayer for video games or cocktails or anything else. lets live for God. and lets not be affraid...lets keep eachother accountable! i love you guys!

finally!

well i dont have much to say, but i can finally update! actually thats all i have to say! hope all is well with everyone! i love you all:)

OH MY GOSH!!! I CAN ADD PICTURES NOW!! WOOOO!!! arent i pretty?:P

blogs, death, growth, a song and a poem.

why does this rarely let me blog? why does it tell me i have to switch to google...then not let me? how do i do whatever it wants me to do? please someone...help!

so, my uncle died. heart attack. 53 years old. on my moms side of course... very difficult to deal with all these deaths..please keep praying for us.

i've been reading my Bible every day for the past week. i've also been having a lot of conversations with people...seemingly random and what once i would have considered normal...but now i see God is helping me to get back on track. i find it very interesting the people God chooses to help me, people i didnt know until a week ago, people i've never talked to about these things amd people i said id never trust again. God rips down walls and He builds bridges and the things we dont even know could happen, happen. when we are in our weakest darkest moment, there He is to pull us up even when we think we might like to stay down. praise the LORD and give thanks for everything and everyone He gives you. and if you love someone, you should prolly tell them. you never know when the last time you see them or talk to them is going to be.



Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads

All my memories gathered round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrop in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelinThat I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, down country roads
Take me home, down counrty roads

- john denver

i remember life when life was more fun than sad. partties, and music, good food and laughs. i remember when she baked me cakes on my birthday and he read on Christmas eve. i remember the santa suit, and i remember raking leaves. i remember boxing day, and playing baseball, i remember the sweet maple smells in fall. i remember all those flamingos, and i remember backyard snow. i remember costumes and i remember jokes. i remember feelings and i remember words you spoke. i remember sitting on the back deck, and out front on hot days. i remember being carefree, like youd be there always. i remember when i heard the news...then heard the news again. knowing you were going to go, but not knowing when. i remember sitting with him, in the hospital waiting for him to get well. i remember sitting by the phone hearing that she fell. i remember each homecomming, hoping it was the last. i remember sitting there with her as each day and night went past. i remember the exhaustion, the worry and the fear. i remember the knowing...soon she wont be here. i remember being there when her suffering was no more. but mourning and crying there was no time for. i remember trying hard to keep myself germ free. i remember holding my breath and saying this cant be. i remember when he died, we begged him not to go. but his time had come and he left us all alone. i remember crying, cuz the tears dont really stop. i remember cryign cuz the tears dont really stop.

ill probably revise this a lot.

over so quickly..its so final.

grandpa died last night. it sucked worse than i ever could have imagined. i want him back. peay for us...a lot cuz we are all shocked and soo sad. hes really gone.... the visitation is tuesday at 1 pm until 2 pm, then the little service then back to his house for a party...though now that they are both gone..it is so different. i havent slept in a really long time...i went to my brothers hockey game tonight...he got a hattrick...for grandpa.

having faith

im goign to pour out my soul, if you dont like it, or plan on making fun of me...prolly dont read it.
so lately it seems my life just keeps getting crappier. i tried to have faith. i tried all last year and all summer when it felt like i was goign through absolute hell. turned out i failed pretty miserably and did some stupid stuff i will never be able to take back. i had faith all through my grandpa's illness....then my grandma got sick and died. ever go through someone's death feeling completely alone? and now...here i am 25, not married no job, and not so happy at home, but no way to leave, unless i want to live liek a 12 year old girl at bording school. people keep telling me to have faith...but these are people with lives that are happy. how do they know anything about having faith? what you have faith that God will...maintain your fabulous life? woopie. how can you tell someone to jsut have faith when you dont understand what faith is. people look down on me because i do not have faith...in reality i have as much faith as them, its jsut they aren't being tested...they dont have to 'have faith' because they have everythign they want. what would you do if you were living in a place with people who made it quite clear they dont want you, if you couldn't find a job and you had no way out? what woudl you do if the person you loved and trusted most in the world was someone you just messed up? if people all around you were sick and dying...if you were getting older and older and were still single even though you just feel like you were built to be a wife and a mother if your extended family looked at you as a failure because you are single...dont have a job and live at home...if you didn't fit in anywhere cuz the Christians think you are bad and the non Christians do things you don't want to do. what woudl you do? thats the advice i want. i dont want the advice to have faith from someone who doens't understand what exactly have faith means. im sure some people mean well, but i know most of you look down on me. im not less of a Christian because i struggle. and i dont want pitty, i want help...i want to knoo everything is goign to be ok. how do i know that? how do i have faith? when everything is going wrong how can i trust that someday something will go right? you tell me all i need is God...but, He made us social people, he gave us eachother to help us to grow, you tell me all i need is God, but i need friends too. i also need prayer. i'll prolly regret writing all this, i'll prolly get embarassed that you all know my personal life...but im stuggling and i need help. please dont just judge me, look down on me and think wow at least im not as messed up as her. im asking you for help...not for you to look down your noses at me. and i remember the verse consider it pure joy my brother's whenever you face trials of many kinds... but my question is how?

hmmm oops.

i fear that face book may cause me to neglect blogigng! but here is a blog for ya'll who still read it:P everyone here is doing well. God is awesome and faithfull as always:P im sick..but meh...who isn't. im still looking for a job so please keep praying! i baby sat last night so i got to go in the hot tub...that was pretty sweet...rolle din the snow and got back in:P the boys liked it haha. i hope all is going well with everyone...sorry i have nothing profound to say.... though i guess i could talk a little bit about how i feel so content. God is awesome! im not so freaking out about things like i usually do. im like...happy...weird:P isn't it just sooo amazing how amazing God really is? its liek every morning i wake up and forget...then i am reminded everyday in a new way! glory be to my God, my Father, my King!

update

ok so the doctor's a moron...wanted to put him in paletive care cuz of how sick he was last week....well...he beat that sick...its old news. grandpa is still doing great...welll feeling ok anyway. he is dying, but not today. thanks for the prayers. keep em comming:)

pray please

hey everyone. my grandpas cancer doctor called a family meeting for thursday at 4 pm. family meetings with cancer doctors are never good. he has leukemia, hes had it a few years now and there is nothing else they can do for him. hes been on chemo pills for a while to try to keep the cancer cells sdown, but it keeps his other cells down too, so he has no immune system and could bleed to death easily. he has a lung infection right now, and is on antibiotics. please pray for him, for salvation and healing, and for our family. also pray the news will actually not be bad... just pray a lot please. my grandma has been gone 2 months today and thats still hard to deal with. she was 66 my grandpa is 67...so young, so sucky. so please pray for him and all of us. thank you so much, i love you all.

sheryl crow lyrics.

"The First Cut Is The Deepest"

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worse...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
If you want I'll try to love again, (try)
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...
OOHHH,

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
But when it comes to lovin' me, he's worse...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cuz if you want I'll try to love again(Try to love again, try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know,

OOHHH....The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
When it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worse

OOHHH, the first cut is the deepest
Baby I know (baby I know)
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again...

Christmas

well, for starters i'd like to say, i hope everyone had a fabulous, safe, and just plain wonderful Christmas. and now, i'd like to address an issue i have been thinking about. for Christmas i asked for one, simple practical present, did i get this present? yes, i did...but what else did i get? everything. i asked for a spice rack, i knew i was getting it, its very nice and i love it. but then on top of that my parents got me a digital camera, and an mp3 player, also soo many things like a blow dryer, and straightner, a game, clothes, candy, chocolate and other things. my brother got me a dvd player and a camera dock, my other brother got me pjs-2 sets, and the passion of the Christ dvd, amanda got me a sweet box of candles...big nice ones and makeup, mandy got me a rather expencive seeming scarf and mitts from garage, i got a necklace, towels, fuzzy socks, a massager, and other things from other friends and family...and im thinking...do i need all this stuff? dont get me wrong, im gratefull, i cant believe people spent this much on me. i love everything i GOT for Christmas, but do i need it all? even the spice rack i wanted so badly...did i really NEED it? every year its the same thing, people ask other people " what did you GET for Christmas?" is it all about the getting? should it even be about the giving? i have a friend who has spent all their money, and maxed out their cards and still felt they should have bought more...MORE. what is all this about? so, is all the giving a representation of what God gave us? He gave us a Saviour...so we give presents? if this is true..i guess i can understand, but God gave us what we needed and Christmas has become about giving what we think the person might WANT... i love Christmas, i think its fun, but how much is too much? do people really expect us to go deeply into debt to get them that new game system, the extra clothes, and the chocolates? Christmas is fun, and i like all the things all these wonderful people gave me, and i hope they like what i gave them too. i know nothing will change next year, people will still spend, people will still get what they WANT, but maybe we can think about the amazing gift God gave us, the gift thats worth so much more than a playstation or an mp3 player or even a new lap top, Jesus. the greatest gift of all folks...the only one we really NEED, and no one can top it, not even with their credit cards. thank you LORD, my salvation, my all in all, my favorite gift.

update

...its almost Christmas, thats fabulous! i need a job please pray for me. avery found his christmas present today lol a buzz lightyear video game:S lol but at least he likes it. umm..oh my dad has high cholesteral...weird cuz hes skinny, but they said its genetic, diet cant control it...sooo yeah yet another thing im prolly going to die of:P anyway...ok somy parents anniversary party was a big success:) thats good since it was pretty much my grandmas dying request:S. we had them a little second wedding and it was sooo fun:) grandma has been gone for a month and 3 days now im finally starting to be ok....and least oker:) i miss her incredibally...its crazy..and grandpa is so sick too...its scarey. we are having Christmas pretty much the same as normal...so thats something to look forward to except for we will all miss grandma sooo much. anyway i hope all is well with you all:) please keep us in your prayers:) and remember to keep Jesus number one this Christmas, after all it is His birthday celebration:) and He is awesome!

big word bull...

why do people use big words to describe things? why do so called "thinkers" really just come up with a long way of saying something people already know? and what is philosophy? i was recently sent this message

"been reading a great bk by martin buber "i and thou" ..... a classic philosophy/religion text...on connectedness:"Egos appear by setting themselves apart from other egos.Persons appear by entering into relation to other persons.One is the spiritual form of natural differentiation, the other that of natural association.The purpose of setting oneself apart is to experience and use, and the purpose of that is "living" - which means dying one human life long.The purpose of relation is the relation itself - touching the You. For as soon as we touch a You, we are touched by a breath of eternal life." p.112-3i like many things here...for e.g. that it is the relation that is key....not what it is "producing", what i am "getting" "out of IT", etc. But rather - it is the inter-act-i-on that is the "goal" [not that that is the goal] - to KNOW another, to know one-self, and ones-self...and the relation between these.But I see little of that today - rather it's treating the other like a he/she/it/object - looking for full-fill-ment from the other, and when that doesn't "produce", anxiety results, and either anger or withdrawal comes forth or "is produced".thots?"

now, what the heck?? my thought...who cares? thats right who cares. all those words to say what...ask not what they can do for you but what you can do for them? mm hmm...put others b4 your self...ok... touching the "YOU" LOL yeah ok if you touch my "YOU" i'll smack you. good grief...can anyone make sense of this? cuz all i think is...hey whitey stop thinking, go outside, play ball and get a tan!... theses "thinkers" sure think they are smart...but are they? think if the wrote an essay, a normal persons would be 6 pages, theirs would be 400 just cuz they feel the need to share their "genius thoughts". yeah...smart? or trying too hard?

hurt by johnny cash

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

she is gone.

its all over now. grandma passed this morning at 4. death seemed so peacefull after all the painfull dying. still its so very sad. only 66. please keep my family in your prayers. the memorial is monday visitation at 1 pm until 2, and then the service and to the cemetary and back to grandpa's house after. the visitation is at nisbetts in peterborough. thank you for your prayers.


also:
God's plans never mess us up. its when we confuse our plans with His and thikn our are better. they never are. i know God is in control, and even though it hurts really bad to know my grandma isn't here, i trust God was fair with her, and i know that she had alot of prayers, and heard His Word a lot over the past month. i miss my grandma terribly, infact it doens't feel real, like at the time it felt like maybe she was just sleeping, or like it wasn't her and she was gogin to walk into the room. but God has kept me strong. God is amazing, and gives us exactly what we need. i am so glad i was there with her when she died. plese keep praying for us.