well...

"hey nicole, how are you?" hmmm where should i start?
how about last weekend, may 24 long weekend...well, i was at aunt jane's house for thursday night-saterday night. i guess that would seem normal enough...except that saterday monring there was a super bad car accident on her lawn and a man died....and the kids saw as they were outside. the man stayed in the car on the lawn for 3 or 4 hours. then the corener came and the police took pictures. then as we were eating our burgers they finally started tryign to get him out, and ironically enough they had to use the jaws of "life".the kids are fairly messed up due to this incodent.
well then that evening i finally get to go home as the road has reopened. that night justin and his friends dalton and cody all stayed at their friend jakes house. at 1:10 am, while everyone was sleeping, there was a break and enter. the crazy man went to justin and dalton's room, woke them up by jumping on them and punching them in their heads, and kept them there for over an hour, telling them they have had life too easy and they need to suffer like he has. and trying to get them to go down to the river with him, while he was threatening them with a pair of pliars. the boys kept the man as calm as they could by talkign to him and asking him questions about himself, which is also how they found out his name and where he was staying. after he left the room he said he would be back, then went through the kitchen and the cupboards, and the fridge, and stole beer, and chocolate milk. after a while justin and dalton felt safe enough to wake up jake and cody, and together they woke up jake's parents, and ivy called 911. the man is being charged with break and enter, assult, and assult with a deadly weapon.
so then the week went pretty well, oh wait...did anyone hear about that appartment fire on brock street down town peterborough? oh, well there was one, yep. it was my pregnant cousin julie, and he fiance' adam's appartment. it was electrical. the smoke alarm of course, did not work. the only reason they woke up, was because the baby was kickign and kicking and so julie woke up and when she opened her eyes she couldn't see and at first she thought it was her eyes, then she realized it was smoke, and she woke up adam. he ran out into the rest of the appartment, and as soon as he opened the door the bedroom filled with smoke. he yelled at julie that they had to get out and as he was feeling his way out he bumped into a wall and has second degree burns on his hands, which may require surgery, he also has first degree burns on his face and ears. other than that and inhaling a lot of smoke which caused them to be on oxygen for 6 hours, they are all ok. the cats died, and the bird died, but the turtles are alive. everything is the appartment is gone, either burnt or destroyed by smoke. julie isn't dealing well at all. she isn't eating(not good since she is due in 34 days) and she is crying all the time. wal-mart(where adam is a manager) had a bbq todya nd i think tomorrow for them, and have jars set up in the stores to raise money for them, and 2 other walmarts from other places have donated 500$ each to them.
today i found out that my grandma may only have a couple months to live, not the year or two that was once expected.
please keep my family in your prayers, especially julie and adam and the baby. please also pray for the man who caused the accident at my aunt's house. he is only 24, and he faces a lot now that this has all happened.
to answer my own question from the start, "i am doing well:) God is in control, and He saved adam and julie and the baby from a fire, my brother from a psycho, and my cousins from being hit by the car that smashed onto their front lawn, only meters from them. praise God!"
thank you all for reading, and for your prayers.

update

well, last week my mom had a doctors appointment with a doctor whos job it is to diagnose weird things. so, we found out she has a weird strain of chronic fatigue syndrom. is this better or worse than ms? who knows? at least she has answers now, and she has learned there is nothing they can do to help her, except she can stay on celexa to help because chronic fatigue syndrom has to do with nerves.

on wednesday both of my grandparents have doctor's appointments again. grandma goes to st joe's in ptbo' to an oncologist to find out if there is anymore he can do for her to help prolong her life longer than the year she has been given. grandpa goes to princess margeret in TO. last time no cancer cells showed up in his bone marrow, however since they have the ability to hide he could very well have his cancer back. it would be so awesome if he went there and was told his blood was going back up on its own now that he is off the glevax(new cancer drug). please be praying that both of my grandparents get good news on wednesday.

i am doing ok. i am still not exactly healthy, but am better. i have a couple more appointments left and hopefully i am better by then, if not i have to go on pills. please be praying for me as well. i really don't wnat to have to take medication everyday for the rest of my life. spiritually i am doing a lot better. it is sad though that it takes going through hard times for me to realize i need God. why couldn't i have just realized before? it feels as though i have wasted so much time. its nice having belinda home. i miss her when she is away at school. i actually have someone to go for walks with now, its so yay!
thank you all for your prayers and i hope things are going well for you all.

its a great day to be alive

i had a great day today:) God is awesome, and he puts amazing people in our lives. Thank you LORD! i am so thankful for my friends. i am sorry if i haven't made you all realize how much i really appreciate you. i hope you all are living your lives for God, and that you are praying for me to live mine for Him as well:)

my brother's friend's dad has cancer. he goes to kingston on wednesday. he has a huge farm and 5 kids age 10-19. please keep him in your prayers, his name is john. also please continue to pray for my grandparents, and my cousin, and my friend's mom with breast cancer. thank you!

an old friend, a new start?

yesterday i went to pick up a few groceries with my mom in peterborough. as we were going to the check out i hear a voice i rcognize yell hey hows it going? i turned around and saw him, it took me a second to realize who it was, but when i did i was slightly shocked, but was glad to see him. it was my best friend from when i was younger. his name is adam bell. we were inseperable when we were younger, and did so much together, he was a year younger than me, but got much higher marks. he was also an amazing hockey player. when i was in grade 6, and he in grade 5 adam started doing drugs. weed at first of course, i remember one day he was really sick on the bus because he had had too much so i sat with hima nd took care of him. he started hanging out with boys in my grade, and started drinking and smoking. by about grade 7 he was in to drugs pretty badly. he dropped out of school second semester of grade 9, after skipping most of the first semester. this is when our friendship really ended. he started dong heavier drugs, and pretty frequently, speed i believe was the first heavy drug he got into. the next year something bad happened between us, and thats when i realized the adorable little boy who wore track suits and glasses, and loved the pitsburg penguines had passed, and this other boy had taken over his body. at that point i begged him to stop what he was doing, and to change for himself, but he was more into what his "friends" thought of him. he always wanted to be cool. i guess you could say he is popular now...he is wanted at least, by the police that is. he has been on the run for a few years now, i can't say where. this is why i was shocked to see him. he doesn't come back to hastings now, cuz he would be murdered because he was a cocain dealer and screwed over a lot of people, who would love to see him dead, and who wouldn't be affraid to kill him. he looks amazing now. i know he isn't on drugs anymore. i couldn't believe how wodnerfull he looked, it made me smile. he had a sparkle back in his eye, and i could tell because he actually looked me in the eye for the first time in many many years. he has made a good life for himself where he is living. he has a good job, and is even getting married, apparently soon. i am proud of him for turning his life around. and i hope he doesn't get caught by the cops, cuz i nkow there are people waiting for him in jail, people who are already in there so why do they care if they kill him. he dind't do anything really bad, just a lot of little things, and then this whole running thing, which i understand he had to do. i love my friend very much, no matter what he did to me, to anyone else, or to himself. please pray that God saves him, and his fiance. i forget her name. adam was really the first one in this town to get into really heavy drugs, but now they run rampid. i hugged adam, and i congratulated him on getting married. i know he knows the hug said more than that. he knows i love him and am proud of him. i am glad God brought us together yesterday.

who can beat this thing cancer?

"where would i be...what would i do if you werent here?" "you'll never have to worry about that."

well they are taking my grandpa off the glevax. they think the leukemia is back, even though they have found no blast cells, cuz sometimes they hide. so that news sucks bad. also, grandma hasn't heard from the other cancer doctor, which i think means that there is nothing more they can do. and that sucks too. but on top of that, my cousin on the same side of the family has his white cells very very high, which signals cancer, or another serious disease. he is having tests done on his stomach and bowels. he is the the only cousin i have older than me, he is 29. my mom and her sisters are being tested for the type of cancer their mom and grandmother have or died from, and if even one of them has it then all of us grandkids will be involved in genetic testing...whatever that means. please keep my family in your prayers. a long time ago, when my grandpa first foun out he has leukemia, he started a journal, and i remember on one page he wrote on the top "i will beat this thing cancer". what is this thing cancer anyway? and can anyone ever really beat it?

:)

how can i not smile? :)

love story explaination

its about my brother and his gf. i thought their story was beautiful, so i wrote about it. she has a 2 year old son, avery he is very cute. i'm a little bit sick please keep me in your prayers:)

a love story

The very first moment I saw you your eyes were shining as the bright moon, my heart fluttered, and then sank. As I watched him sleeping I knew I could never have you. I love him, but I hated that I couldn’t have the happiness I had dreamed of. Then one day I saw in your smile something I hadn’t seen before, and I thought maybe...just maybe your heart had fluttered too. You started coming around more and more and before I knew it I was totally swept up in you, and he got to come too. I started to see how much you loved us both, and again my heart sank. You are so amazing, too good for me, but so good for him. Rivers poured from my face and I broke down and told you to go. But then as I looked up from my sobs, I saw you were sobbing too. You didn’t want to go you wanted to stay, you love me and you love him, and we love you. Life is different now, we are us, three of us, and now when I go through the hard times, I never have to go alone again. Every moment I see you your eyes shine as bright as the moon and my heart flutters.

The very first moment I saw you your eyes were shining as the bright moon, my heart fluttered and then sank. As I watched you I knew you were too busy to be with me. Your love him, could there be any left for me? Then one day I saw in your smile something I hadn’t seen before, and I thought maybe...just maybe your heart fluttered too. I started to come around more and before I knew it I was totally swept up in you, in both of you. I started to love you both like I have never loved before. But then you started to be distant. Here was this beautiful thing I had wanted for so long and it was slowly moving away. I knew you didn’t want me anymore. Then one day you started sobbing, rivers were pouring from my eyes, it hurt me to see you like that and I sobbed too. I never want to go, I always want to stay, I love you and I love him, and I know you both love me too. Life is different now, we are us, three of us, and now when we go through the hard times, neither of us ever has to go alone again. Every moment I see you your eyes shine as bright as the moon and my heart flutters.

:)

God is awesome! although my grandparents are both so sick, and i am giong through a bit of a rough patch myself, all i can say is God is awesome. ever notice how amazingly He takes care of you when you need Him to? how you can be in a situation you would consider terrible and just know that you are goign to be ok, and you know that because God is in control. let go of the bad things you hold on to and give them to Him, He will take care of you guarenteed:) thank you LORD! thank you for my smile:) thank you for everything you give me every day! thank you for holdin gme and my future in your hand and thank you for having a good and perfect plan for my life!

cancer cancer everwhere.

i think i hate blogs now. there is jsut too much cancer in mine. ok, well my grandpa had his check up at princess margret in TO yesterday, and his counts were all low. so normally this would automatically mean the leukemia is back, however because he is on the experimental drug glevax, and they don't know enough about it to say for sure or not, it coule be the drug pulling his counts down, only 20 people are on the drug, and 1 has died thus far. there are no blast cells(cancer cells) in his blood which is good, but they took a bone marrow sample yesterday and we will know if it is cancer or not on monday or tuesday. so please be praying it isn't the leukemia back, and its just the effects of the drug he is on to treat the cancer.

also, apparently there is an oncologist who will be seeing my grandma, her doctor refered her to him to see if there is anymore he can do. please pray there is. but even if there isn't its so nice that they are trying so hard. often times they just say we are sorry there is nothing we can do and thats that. also, my grandma's roommate was a christian so thats awesome!

well thats enough cancer for today. i hope you all are doing well, and please remember to pray!

a prayer

"Father God, may I never forget to call on you in every situation. I want to call on you every day of my life and bring before you my adoration, confession, thanksgiving and suplication..." (Emilie Barnes, 15 minutes alond with God). i read this tonight, and it really means something to me, cuz as i have found in the past, i often don't go to God first in situations, i am learning though, and last time something good happened to me God was the one i wanted, thanked, and was happy with:) thank You LORD for helping us to change!

grandma was feeling better today a bit. if everything stays smooth she goes home tuesday. hopefully i get to see her tomorrow!

my cousin broke his leg and so might be comming here for me to take care of him cuz his mom has to help with grandma. please pray for him as well, he has to go in for leg surgery next week, and had finally found a job and loved it. he has had a tough life. his dad isn't very nice to him. he was at his dad's house when he broke his leg, and his dad told him if he was stupid enough to break his leg he can find his own way to the hospital. the next day he started getting sick, and so he called his mom to come in and take him. :S:S his whole life his dad has treated him like this. he also has a drug problem, so please pray about that. also pray that God will help me to talk to him about God if he comes here to stay a few days, which i really hope he does.

God is good!

well i was supposed to go see my grandma today, but it got changed to tonight....and so i can't go because i have choir practice:( if the next available time i can go see grandma falls on our other choir practice, saterday, i will skip that practice. at least i get to go grocery shoppign today.

last night i had an amazing night. i got to see how faithful God is, and is was so amazing! He knows us so well, He knows what we need, and when we need it. thank You LORD!
Proverbs 27:1
"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."

I think it can also work with do not dread tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
Why are we scared? we don't know what God has planned for us tomorrow! He is amazing and faithful, and isn't out to get us. He has a plan for our lives and its in accordance with His goos and perfect will, so we relaly have no need to fret!

thank you all for your prayers, please keep praying for my grandma, and please pray that i know what to say when i see her. xo

grandma

well...she survived the surgery. the got as much as they could. there is still some cancer in her liver and small intestine and something about lymphnodes. he said she has a year, maybe 2. so thats super sad...just keep her in your prayers please.

life

when life get hard and scarey, where shall i turn? when my fears over take me and the pain is unbearable, how do i cope? when my heart and tummy hurt, when emptiness fills me up, where do i look for help? "I will lift up my eyes to the hills-from whence comes my help? my help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1,2.

my grandma has her surgery today, please keep her in your prayers.

update

ok, well easter was interesting today. it was sad because grandma looked to sad and scared and so i almost cried a couple of times. it was happy because my cousin is very pregnant now, and looks so beautiful. and it was weird cuz my cousin jenna brought a friend who is a slightly round girl with a larg chest and who was wearing a SKIN TIGHT STRAPLESS SHIRT.....to meet our family...including our grandparents in....it was the most horrible/hillarious sight i have seen in a while. strange girl... it was a bbq, and we took lots of pictures...so that part was fun. and it was nice enough that we could sit on the back deck in the sunshine.

after easter at grandma's we came home and i went out with my friend victoria. we went to the movies in cobourg and saw ice age 2 hahahahaha soooo wonderful, i highly reccomend it! highly! i think i'd go again! any takers? hehe . on our way home we saw balloons stuck to a sign...well...we turned around an di went to get the balloons(yes i know bad nicole) anyway i couldn't pull them off, it was like 20 lb test fishing line....so....i CHEWED through...yeah...thats right...right there on the side of the road...lol then we drove home...and to the gas station with balloons in the back seat...i left them in the kitchen with a note for my mom saying i did it for her...haha.

so then, i got home and had a proverbs date with sarah. i love those dates. its such an amazing book...like the rest of the Bible. i really appreciate the time i spend with her though, she is a good friend, and its always nice to grow closer to God with a friend by your side to help you out and keep you accountable and be prayign for you.

grandma's surgery is still on monday as far as we know. she got an infection in her arm from the last iv she got and so she is on super antibiotics right now, but its clearing up fast and so surgery should be a go. please be praying for her, her surgery is at noon on monday, and last about 2 hours. please pray that they don't find any other cancer in her, and that she pulls through. thank you all so much for your continued prayers. :)

easter

well, since grandma has surgery on monday, we are having our family easter this weekend. its strange...it seems like only yesterday we were pushing father's day ahead so we could have it before grandpa went in for his treatment after his relaps. i ask that you would pray that my grandma be in good spirits for this family easter gathering...which will be a bbq this year, and pray also that the whole family can make it.

i could also use prayers for my self, as i work to strengthen my walk with God. a friend and i are having a mini lent, and i would really appreciate your prayers over the next 9 days as i work through the book of proverbs. thank you all. God is amazing! "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. do not be wise in your own eyes fear the LORD and depart from evil." (proverbs 3:5-7, nkjv). i am learning so much! praise the LORD!

also, the first after school club was today. it was fantastic! we got 9 kids out!! we watched the easter story, hannah barbara version, but it was pretty good. of course Jesus has strawberry blonde hair,a nd very blue eyes, and all the priests looked liek bad guy wizards with bad guy voices, lol but othere than that it was great. "take this and drink from it, it is my blood which will be given up for you and for MANY." i was super impressed. anyway we had snack, asked what the kids thought of when they heard the word easter(interesting answers) then watched the video, and did a craft which was making easter cards for thei parents, and of course everyone did a fantastic job! thank you for your continued prayers for the after school club! the next meeting will be april 19, and we are hoping for even more kids!

grandma update more

well....it wasn't the terrible news i guess. they are going to operate....on monday:s so thats super soon. we are having easter this weekend, on saterday so that she can have easter with us. she will be in the hospital for about a week after if all goes well. he is going to try to remove it, but he said he doens't konw if there is more cancer because the tumer is soooo huge that he cant see the other organs, so he wont be able to see until he opens her up. if its too bad he will just close her back up. if he can remove it, he will. he said it is a very high risk surgery, her lungs could fail or she could have a heart attack. so please be prayign for her. my mom is upset cuz of my dad's work he will be in cincinatti from monday until thursday so thats really stressfull for her...maybe pray that his work will cancel it, or htat he can get out of it because of the circumstances. apparently my grandpa isn't looking so well so please pray for him too. this is the first time he has found out how bad it is. so please keep praying for my grandma, and my family, and for the doctor that he has wisdom and ability. thank you all for your prayers.

grandma update

my grandma was supposed to have a doctor's appointment on thusday. however, this got pushed ahead to tomorrow at 4:30. this is when she will get the results of the CT scan. the results are either bad, or really really bad. so please pray that the cancer is only in her bowel, and that it is opperable. this is pretty scarey. she has been going through all her stuff...she gave back all the pictures we have all given her through the years. so yeah...she expects to not make it i think....i have a feeling of peace. but still, please pray for her, and for my family, especially my grandpa because he doens't deal with these things well. neither of them are Christians, nor is anyone in my family except for my grandpa's sister. so please for for them. thank you ya'll. i hope everything is well with you guys.

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dear reader:
to answer your question, i will try my hardest to never give up on you. God is in control, He gives strength. lean on Him if you are struggling. He will guide you. He will guide me.

a day at val's

so i went to val's yesterday. firstly may i say that all three, val, lael, and aria, are all beautiful. dennis...you will never get your own again unless while talking to them you refuse to look at their beautiful faces. next, i think that val is a great mom, and i think the girls would agree. lastly, i had such a fun time. we just chaaed for a bit until lael got up from her nap, then we wondered around zellers, fun! spent no money but roamed...it was even exercise! lol then we went back to their house and chatted a bit, and had some pizza, then they took me home...through the thickest fog ever!! lol...we made it though and i sent her home a different way. i love talking to val. sure she is married and has 2 kids, and i am super alone:P but i feel like i connect with her. dear val, i love you! you are a great friend, thank you for having me over:). and lael, keep on wiki tikiing. :)