cancer cancer everwhere.

i think i hate blogs now. there is jsut too much cancer in mine. ok, well my grandpa had his check up at princess margret in TO yesterday, and his counts were all low. so normally this would automatically mean the leukemia is back, however because he is on the experimental drug glevax, and they don't know enough about it to say for sure or not, it coule be the drug pulling his counts down, only 20 people are on the drug, and 1 has died thus far. there are no blast cells(cancer cells) in his blood which is good, but they took a bone marrow sample yesterday and we will know if it is cancer or not on monday or tuesday. so please be praying it isn't the leukemia back, and its just the effects of the drug he is on to treat the cancer.

also, apparently there is an oncologist who will be seeing my grandma, her doctor refered her to him to see if there is anymore he can do. please pray there is. but even if there isn't its so nice that they are trying so hard. often times they just say we are sorry there is nothing we can do and thats that. also, my grandma's roommate was a christian so thats awesome!

well thats enough cancer for today. i hope you all are doing well, and please remember to pray!

a prayer

"Father God, may I never forget to call on you in every situation. I want to call on you every day of my life and bring before you my adoration, confession, thanksgiving and suplication..." (Emilie Barnes, 15 minutes alond with God). i read this tonight, and it really means something to me, cuz as i have found in the past, i often don't go to God first in situations, i am learning though, and last time something good happened to me God was the one i wanted, thanked, and was happy with:) thank You LORD for helping us to change!

grandma was feeling better today a bit. if everything stays smooth she goes home tuesday. hopefully i get to see her tomorrow!

my cousin broke his leg and so might be comming here for me to take care of him cuz his mom has to help with grandma. please pray for him as well, he has to go in for leg surgery next week, and had finally found a job and loved it. he has had a tough life. his dad isn't very nice to him. he was at his dad's house when he broke his leg, and his dad told him if he was stupid enough to break his leg he can find his own way to the hospital. the next day he started getting sick, and so he called his mom to come in and take him. :S:S his whole life his dad has treated him like this. he also has a drug problem, so please pray about that. also pray that God will help me to talk to him about God if he comes here to stay a few days, which i really hope he does.

God is good!

well i was supposed to go see my grandma today, but it got changed to tonight....and so i can't go because i have choir practice:( if the next available time i can go see grandma falls on our other choir practice, saterday, i will skip that practice. at least i get to go grocery shoppign today.

last night i had an amazing night. i got to see how faithful God is, and is was so amazing! He knows us so well, He knows what we need, and when we need it. thank You LORD!
Proverbs 27:1
"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."

I think it can also work with do not dread tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
Why are we scared? we don't know what God has planned for us tomorrow! He is amazing and faithful, and isn't out to get us. He has a plan for our lives and its in accordance with His goos and perfect will, so we relaly have no need to fret!

thank you all for your prayers, please keep praying for my grandma, and please pray that i know what to say when i see her. xo

grandma

well...she survived the surgery. the got as much as they could. there is still some cancer in her liver and small intestine and something about lymphnodes. he said she has a year, maybe 2. so thats super sad...just keep her in your prayers please.

life

when life get hard and scarey, where shall i turn? when my fears over take me and the pain is unbearable, how do i cope? when my heart and tummy hurt, when emptiness fills me up, where do i look for help? "I will lift up my eyes to the hills-from whence comes my help? my help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1,2.

my grandma has her surgery today, please keep her in your prayers.

update

ok, well easter was interesting today. it was sad because grandma looked to sad and scared and so i almost cried a couple of times. it was happy because my cousin is very pregnant now, and looks so beautiful. and it was weird cuz my cousin jenna brought a friend who is a slightly round girl with a larg chest and who was wearing a SKIN TIGHT STRAPLESS SHIRT.....to meet our family...including our grandparents in....it was the most horrible/hillarious sight i have seen in a while. strange girl... it was a bbq, and we took lots of pictures...so that part was fun. and it was nice enough that we could sit on the back deck in the sunshine.

after easter at grandma's we came home and i went out with my friend victoria. we went to the movies in cobourg and saw ice age 2 hahahahaha soooo wonderful, i highly reccomend it! highly! i think i'd go again! any takers? hehe . on our way home we saw balloons stuck to a sign...well...we turned around an di went to get the balloons(yes i know bad nicole) anyway i couldn't pull them off, it was like 20 lb test fishing line....so....i CHEWED through...yeah...thats right...right there on the side of the road...lol then we drove home...and to the gas station with balloons in the back seat...i left them in the kitchen with a note for my mom saying i did it for her...haha.

so then, i got home and had a proverbs date with sarah. i love those dates. its such an amazing book...like the rest of the Bible. i really appreciate the time i spend with her though, she is a good friend, and its always nice to grow closer to God with a friend by your side to help you out and keep you accountable and be prayign for you.

grandma's surgery is still on monday as far as we know. she got an infection in her arm from the last iv she got and so she is on super antibiotics right now, but its clearing up fast and so surgery should be a go. please be praying for her, her surgery is at noon on monday, and last about 2 hours. please pray that they don't find any other cancer in her, and that she pulls through. thank you all so much for your continued prayers. :)

easter

well, since grandma has surgery on monday, we are having our family easter this weekend. its strange...it seems like only yesterday we were pushing father's day ahead so we could have it before grandpa went in for his treatment after his relaps. i ask that you would pray that my grandma be in good spirits for this family easter gathering...which will be a bbq this year, and pray also that the whole family can make it.

i could also use prayers for my self, as i work to strengthen my walk with God. a friend and i are having a mini lent, and i would really appreciate your prayers over the next 9 days as i work through the book of proverbs. thank you all. God is amazing! "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. do not be wise in your own eyes fear the LORD and depart from evil." (proverbs 3:5-7, nkjv). i am learning so much! praise the LORD!

also, the first after school club was today. it was fantastic! we got 9 kids out!! we watched the easter story, hannah barbara version, but it was pretty good. of course Jesus has strawberry blonde hair,a nd very blue eyes, and all the priests looked liek bad guy wizards with bad guy voices, lol but othere than that it was great. "take this and drink from it, it is my blood which will be given up for you and for MANY." i was super impressed. anyway we had snack, asked what the kids thought of when they heard the word easter(interesting answers) then watched the video, and did a craft which was making easter cards for thei parents, and of course everyone did a fantastic job! thank you for your continued prayers for the after school club! the next meeting will be april 19, and we are hoping for even more kids!

grandma update more

well....it wasn't the terrible news i guess. they are going to operate....on monday:s so thats super soon. we are having easter this weekend, on saterday so that she can have easter with us. she will be in the hospital for about a week after if all goes well. he is going to try to remove it, but he said he doens't konw if there is more cancer because the tumer is soooo huge that he cant see the other organs, so he wont be able to see until he opens her up. if its too bad he will just close her back up. if he can remove it, he will. he said it is a very high risk surgery, her lungs could fail or she could have a heart attack. so please be prayign for her. my mom is upset cuz of my dad's work he will be in cincinatti from monday until thursday so thats really stressfull for her...maybe pray that his work will cancel it, or htat he can get out of it because of the circumstances. apparently my grandpa isn't looking so well so please pray for him too. this is the first time he has found out how bad it is. so please keep praying for my grandma, and my family, and for the doctor that he has wisdom and ability. thank you all for your prayers.

grandma update

my grandma was supposed to have a doctor's appointment on thusday. however, this got pushed ahead to tomorrow at 4:30. this is when she will get the results of the CT scan. the results are either bad, or really really bad. so please pray that the cancer is only in her bowel, and that it is opperable. this is pretty scarey. she has been going through all her stuff...she gave back all the pictures we have all given her through the years. so yeah...she expects to not make it i think....i have a feeling of peace. but still, please pray for her, and for my family, especially my grandpa because he doens't deal with these things well. neither of them are Christians, nor is anyone in my family except for my grandpa's sister. so please for for them. thank you ya'll. i hope everything is well with you guys.

untitled

dear reader:
to answer your question, i will try my hardest to never give up on you. God is in control, He gives strength. lean on Him if you are struggling. He will guide you. He will guide me.

a day at val's

so i went to val's yesterday. firstly may i say that all three, val, lael, and aria, are all beautiful. dennis...you will never get your own again unless while talking to them you refuse to look at their beautiful faces. next, i think that val is a great mom, and i think the girls would agree. lastly, i had such a fun time. we just chaaed for a bit until lael got up from her nap, then we wondered around zellers, fun! spent no money but roamed...it was even exercise! lol then we went back to their house and chatted a bit, and had some pizza, then they took me home...through the thickest fog ever!! lol...we made it though and i sent her home a different way. i love talking to val. sure she is married and has 2 kids, and i am super alone:P but i feel like i connect with her. dear val, i love you! you are a great friend, thank you for having me over:). and lael, keep on wiki tikiing. :)

popularity contest

why is matt foreman more popular than me? i mean sure he is a fine fellow, but i mean come on...i'm just as fine. mmmm hmmm....

GRANDMA UPDATE

the doctor called my mom today. he said the bowel is completely blocked. he is 99.9% sure it is colan cancer. he also removed some polups...whatever that means. she has her CT scan on friday, that is when we will find out more, like if it is all through her, or if its just the one tumer, and if it is operable. he said she may also need chemo after the surgery, providing he is able to operate. please keep her in your prayers, and my grandpa too, that he can deal with her cancer as wlel as he has been his own.

grandma update

well things with grandma arent good...at all....the specialst cance guy said that normall if the tumor is this big it has likely spready, but not always. it is the size of a softball. but the doctor said that since she isn't showing any other symptoms the other organs may be fine, and may not have any other tumors on them. she goes otmorrow and he will see if there are any more tumors, so, its colan cancer...which is what her mother died of...my mom just came in and told me. so please keep her in your paryers. she has an appointment tomrrow they are goign to go in and look around...too see if there are more...so please pray for her.

val!

haha, ok val, freaky thing happened, hahaha...freaky thing...add me on msn, colei20@hotmail.com. haha ok and we will talk about that later.

next on the agenda, and for the rest of ya'll,
grandma gets her blood taken a bunch today, and she sees ther surgen guy on thursday, so he ct scan will be sometime before that. so please remember her in your prayers. my aunt(grandma's sister) said that her friend has the same thing and she is fine now, and the doctor said there should be no problem with her sruviving it, because my grandma asked if she would.

lastly,
it sucks when you have amazing dreams, then you wake up and realize its not real...then your amazing dreams just turn into a nightmare...how sad. this was my morning...i woke up very confused, and the confusion turned to sadness when i realized my dream wasnt reality..i panicked a little and then was ok.

thank you for listening!

grandma4

turns out that it wasn't her liver the doctor was feeling, it was a tumor on her bowel. the doctore is 90% sure it is cancer. she gets more tests and a ct scan done next week, and will meet with a specialist. and likely within the next few weeks it will be removed. they have given her a high chance of survival, infact its pretty much gaurenteed. it is still scraey, even though its like a billion times better than what we originally thought. thank you all for your prayers, oh and on a good note grandpa is still in remission as of yesterday, he had an appointment at princess margaret hospital. thank you for your continued prayers. i love you all. and just for dennis, i love you val! this is the fourth time i have posted this blog....lets see if it finally works this time.

my grandma finds out what is wrong today, please pray that that its not horrible news. her appointment is at 445. i will try to post whats going on, please pray that whatever it is it can be fixed.

more prayers

please pray for my grandma. she is anemic and has an enlarged liver. her ultra sound is today. this is the wife of my grandpa with leukemia, and also the grandma who broke her femer, so please pray for her. and no she doesnt drink.

whatever

hmm well then

i think i havde decided to keep posting using luke's name in every post until he comments like he did in the good old days. i know he comments on other people's i saw on matt's...so then this raises the question on coolness in luke's books...is it actually possible that he honestly believes matt foreman is cooler than me? hello...think about it..he isnt. so then why is it luke wont comment on my blog? is he jealous of my stunning good looks? i mean he is a good looking fella' but i guess i can see why he would be jealous. maybe its simply that he likes it when i suffer... but then why not just mail me anthrax... perhaps he forgot i had a blog... although he pretty much made it and people dont just forget their babbies... could it be that he hates me? no that brings us back to anthrax... well i guess i am out of ideas for now...do any of you have some ideas? tell me if you do!

new poem

when her brain tells her heart to shut up, because the feelings just wont stop. when her lips tell only lies, the truth will always be in her eyes. she needs to hide it from you, because her feelings are so true. she wants to run and get away. you'd never love her anyway.

hey everyone, hope all is well, i haven't posted in a while cuz i was waiting for luke to comment, but he never did...so i am moving on i guess....oh well....i thank all you who did comment:)