anger

i tried to post earlier but it killed it and so then i was like ach not wasting my time...and i left for a few hours and now i am back to try again. stupid graduation from kid to grandma. oh well. my brother's arm still isn't better and no one knows why...huh. and we still haven't got the results back for my grandpa yet...:( please keep praying. there was plus a lot more...but...i don't remember it. umm oh yeah...i hope luke and nick are having fun! remember me here all alone...even though i paid my dues;) blah!! lol anyway i hope everyone is having a good night. i love you. i hope you guys are remembering to pray and do devotions....cuz i keep forgetting...ugh.

i hate titles.

i was picking out pictures of justin tonight for his school...it was fun...he used to be so cute...and i guess he still is. there are a couple of pictures of us abusing him....those are my favorites....hahaha...tonight he told me we need to clean OUR room...i was like grrr...anyway if its OUR room now then it should be team work, i should mess it up and he should clean it up! haha....it seems to be the opposite though.... i finally graduated...i guess i am like your grandma now...matty i know you get it....remember that part of our timmies conversation? yeah....well i finally did it today when we were at lansdown place. its been an interesting day i suppose. nicki and luke i hope you two are having fun....enjoy your time there nick! (and think of me not being there....grrr:( sadness). well ya'll...i'll post again another time...enjoy your night!

fun

jen's wedding was beautiful. i didn't get to stay for the whole reception cuz ty wanted to leave but that was ok. what i got to be part of was great! i can't believe they are married!! congratulations jordan and jenny i know your lives together are going to be awesome and blessed by God!!! if anyone has pictures of the wedding plese send them to me:( i only have one its of jordan and jen at the refreshment time before the pictures and reception. after ty and i left he dropped me off with dan and we hung out for a bit. we went for a drive, it was pretty cool, you drive right along the river for a while, i am sure its beautiful in the day time. then we went up to the lift locks and watched the fire works...sounds nice eh? well he wanted me to go onto the tower with him but as soon as i passes through both sets of gates and took one step out i freaked out. i couldn't walk on the side(even though there is a rail) becase i could see the road and i knew i was going to slip and fall to my death. so of course i do this little hyper ventilate thing(oh goody) and dan was way ahead of me and he was like whats wrong? and i couldn't answer all i could do was hold on relaly tight and very carefully get back to the pavement where i wouldn't slip and fall to my death....which is surprisingly hard to do when you are hyper ventilating... the firse works were still cool even though we just stood on the concrete and watched....the fire works were hig enough to go over the trees. it actaulyl was reall nice...its was cool to see them from so far away and see them b4 hearing them. then he brought me to timmies and my daddy came and got me and brought me home where my brother's friends and i cruised fatchicksinpartyhats.com, there are swears by the millions...and bad ones...i don't reccomend the site at all, unless you don't read the captions. i know courtney campbell really likes the site. anyway despite my little heart attack at the lift locks, and the mind trash i was looking at, last night was awesome:) and againg congratulations jordan and jenny! p.s. jerry lies he came to the wedding like he said he wasn't going to...geeze...whats with that guy? i love you jerry!

jerry digs chicks!

our dear firend jerry bolton has, for as long as he has been at klbc at least, claimed to dislike women. i am stepping out on a limb here though, and i am gonna' say jerry lies. he tries too hard to pretend he doesn't love us...its a dead give away;) oh don't worry jerry we love you too! in other news not only did matt and ruth have a baby (matthewcook.blogspot.com), but tomorrow jordan and jenny are getting married!!!! how exciting is that? hello?? like 7 exciting! anyway i miss you all and you had better be comming to miliscus! i hope you all have a great friday night! i wish i had something smart to say...that seems to be the reson most people have these things...but i am not going to..mostly cuz i am a moron...anyway...oh..i found my stomping tom cassette...and my kenny rodgers one too...so my life has become a little more complete! ahh...the good old days...

good and bad

so i am so glad that joesph william is here. matt and ruth are parents!!! how exciting is that? so thats the good news. the bad news is, my grandpa got some blood tests a couple of weeks ago because he goes every few weeks for about a year now, since the leukemia has been gone. well, he has been bruising, which was the first sign that he had leukemia the first time...which seems so long ago now. also, the tests came back that his platelettes are low. thats a bad sign. i didn't tell anyone cuz i guess i thought it would go away if i pretended it wasn't real. well today he got a bome marrow test done, and i am scared again. the results wont come back for a week, but i am so scared. please pray for my grandpa, please! i don't want him to have to go through what he went through again, and i don't want him to die. he isn't a Christian, but i found out last summer that one of his sisters and her husband are. please pray that he and other members of my family will be saved, and pray that my grandpa doesn't have leukemia again. thank you all so much.

kittens and root beer

i am bored. i get to hang out with matty tomorrow though and so that's funness! i miss everyone a lot. i am very jealous of those of you who get to go see luke this summer...you haven't paid your dues like i have! i deserve to go...i put my time in...you are all new! grrr....anyway...have fun ya'll. i can't believe jen and jordan are getting married in only a few days....its craziness!!! i am sad that i have to miss canada's wonderland...i haven't been in years and i would love to go, but there is no way i am missing this wedding if i don't have to! so i hope all who go to wonderland have a good time. guys...mail me call me leave a comment...whatever...i would love to hear from you! i hope you all have a good night.

finally!

i finally finished and emailed everything at about 7 30 this morning!!! i am finally done my third year at klbc!!!!! now all i have left is half of a year! thank goodness!!! i love klbc, but this prairie stuff is no fun at all...its difficult and its not ver rewarding. anyway i have no gotten 4 hours of sleep...i don't feel too too bad but i think i am gonna go back to be soon anyway. and andrew i am jsut too tired to use capitals this morning, i am sorry. thank you all so muchfor your prayers! there really is no way i could have finished everything without him. God is awesome! a special thank to luke and nicki and matty and stephi and everyone else who has been encouraging me over the past few weeks. your encouragment has meant a lot to me. luke plesae don't forget the face kicks next year if i procastinate again...i am ready to give you yours just in case! i love you guys, i might write more later when my brain is actually functioning. xo

yippy

i am finally done my art explorations! thank goodness...and thank the mcphails who allowed me to use their computer to get the music i needed that my parent's horrible computer wouldn't let me get. i love that family. so...i now have a permenant pink streak through my hair. i like it...but when i washed it the dye bled and so now it looks kinda crappy because its a pink streak and then bad pink mess around it. its ok though...it still looks alright i guess. its sure fun...i mena i haven't done fun stuff with my hair in years...and now...a hot pink streak!! lol thank you to sarah babineau for the wonderful idea...i miss you you beautiful pirate you! and thank you to luke who told me it would suit me...you're the best:) i still have a bunch of work to do b4 saterday...and i feel horrible...i am not sure whats wrong with me but i am dead tired and feel dizzy....its like i am going back to the way i was a couple of weeks b4 school was over...but at least i know i don't need a kidney transplant! i miss you guys a lot...and i will get on my encouragment notes next week cuz i will be all done my school work. i kinda' want a tatoo...the pink hair has inspired me...but i thik i will still wait until i am married that way if my husband doesn't like it i wont have it. hair dye will fade and piercings can be taken out...but tatoos...well they are forever. speaking about husband...since no boy i have talked to thus far seems to like pink hair...looks like its gonna' be a while...meh...oh well its worth it then. well ya'll i am gonna' do a bit more work and then go to bed...please keep remembering to pray for me! oh and check out ruthcook.blogspot.com...she is so cute and her belly has gotten so big! yay the baby will soon be here! keep them in your prayers too! i love you all...and i thank you all for being part of my life!

blach

spent so much time with medical people today. first physio and then in the hospital where we brought my brother when his little friend smashed him arm. its apparently not broken, but the doctor doesn't trust the xrays ....and i agree the thing is swallen huge! sick. anyway he has a half cast and has to keep it on for two weeks then go to the doctor and the x rays are going to a specialist. anyway....i am a great sister i went and bought slushies and froze my hands off walking home with three of them...one for each of us kids...of course it was jefrey's money....oh well lol. i am still borring tonight. so i am going to bed. thanks for reading my crap!

nothing to say

i really have nothing to say tonight. i guess just if you read this and haven't talked to me in a while maybe its about time you did. i miss you guys. i guess thats really it... yup i am borring alright.

ha

hurray for me being the coolest winner ever! when i said wfc...which is wouth for Christ, what i meant was yfc....which is youth for Christ...i think more of you are familiar with that group than with the other. please pray for me. i am really having a tough time. i relaly miss everyone from school and i thank you all so much for how you have shaped my life...every person from every year. and mister andymac....no!!!! waahahaa....ok here just for you. I love all my friends including, Andrew Mackay. Happy now? I hope so. Well, I believe that is it for me tonight. Please, though, remember to pray for me. Oh and on the bright side, I found an assignment I lost on my computer:). By the way Andrew, typing with capitals is hard work. I hope you appreciate it. Yay I just found out I get to walk with Derek at Lindsay's wedding:) Alright, good night ya'll.
p.s. i know luke isn't it awesome? i am so glad that i am healthy...especially since i have been jogging and stuff anyway....except tonight and i feel soo guilty...like horribly guilty...is that normal? like i don't think i am going to sleep well at all. ach.

stress

ok so i am still finishing up my work. and i am trying to find an internship...which sucks when you live in a little pit and you can't drive to get someplace thats not a pit. and i am stressing out over trying to find way to be able to get to lindsay's and back all summer for her wedding and for fittings and stuff. life is 100% pure stress....i am begining to think that there really aren't many happy moments at all....like maybe every person gets between 2 and 12 in their whole lifetime. i hope i am the person who gets 12...but i am thinking i am the person who gets 2. well at least i am running again...then maybe i can be a little better looking and unhappy. if you are having a happy moment people, enjoy it! it might be your very last one ever. mother's day is tomorrow. that day to me feels like hey nicole this is the day people would be celebrating for you if you weren't a failure. i know God has a plan for me...but really...i think i am honestly gonna' be the woman throwing cats and laughing out whooo whoo whooo whooo whoo whoo whoo whoo heh. blah.

hurray!

so exciting! i am not going to die! my ultra sound came back normal!! nothing wrong with my kideny!!! go me! what else is going on? i am running again yay! and even doing situps and such. i ran with my puppy jenny tonight, that was fun...interesting...but fun. i am getting school done so hopefully soon i can wash my hands of that. and then i have to find an internship....maybe at WFC...we'll see. i am glad to be home, even though i now share my room with my little brother. its a bunk bed but its kinda' fun anyway...it gives him a home so thats cool...of course he has taken over and watches movies...but lol thats ok. i miss all you guys. luke i can't believe its going to be 8 months....thats almost a year....i don't know if i can deal with that...ach. lets have a everyone come visit me day....hmmm...well thats enough i am old and i need sleep....or i need to lay in bed while justin watches a movie....lol oh well. i'm board people talk to me! tell me whats up! thanks for your prayers...i am so glad i don't need to take someone's kidney.

ok then

mom says that i am getting my blood tests done on friday now...pushed back but still...i have to get stabbed. i wish i knew why i needed an ultra sound done...this is kinda' scaring me...plus can i do physical activity? i don't know...ach. i feel so horrible and tired and i have so much work to do...please pray for me!!!

ok what?

i have now decided that i want mono. eye infection stomach problems blood tests what?!?! and what? ultra sound on my abdomen with attention to my left kidney?!?! pardon? what is that? am i dying or something? give me the mono instead....suddenly it doesn't seem so bad at all... i hate needles...i don't want to go get blood tests tomorrow....will someone go gor me? ach....thats all for now. ok mom called me and said i can't get my tests done until friday now cuz my little brother justin has basketball tomorrow in ptbo' and his coach needs my mom to drive...ach...ridiculous.

sick? what?

so tomorrow i am going to the doctor to get tested for mono i guess...or at least to get checked out...i hate this game. i don't want mono i don't have time for it at all...not to mention that i have to get a needle to see if i have it! blood tests? whats that? can't they just use spit or something?? thats how you transfer it right? yep...this game sucks. and no physical activity...nothing...no running, to wrestling with my brothers, no boxing, no hiking through the bush, no catching snakes or frogs, no walking, playing with, or training my dog, no lifting of anything even a little bit heavy....yeah....gee how fun...i do not want this sick. can i trade someone else for their sick? anyone got some chicken pox, or a flu they want to trade off for? or how about i just postpone the mono until i have time to have it? i am still hoping i will wake up in the morning and it will be gone....and it will be just a coinsidence that i had these symptoms, and its not mono at all. pray for me!!! and pray that if it is mono i didn't spread it to everyone else in the world. night ya'll i have to go do work and then sleep forever...oh and p.s. eating feels horrible and i want to throw up.

mm hmm

we went shooting with courtney today after choir...so today was fun....not so much the shooting part, but the shooting the hand gun was fun....the best part though, was watching people shoot who have never shot a gun before. it was exciting. everyone should shoot a gun at least once in their lifetime. i found today that closing my eyes helped me to hit the target...meh....that gun was little and scarey. ok so falling off of fences...not the most fun game in the world...ha...why don't i listen to people when they tell me to not wear my filp flops? stupid shoes...it was amusing though...falling off of that good old fence...then it turns out we didn't even need to climb at all because of the big huge gate we could have gone through...grrr. anyway...i am trying to do some work here....anyone have any input on romans 11? bed time is definately comming early tonight, i am beat...old age sucks. i am going to miss ross and leanne...drama was a great part of my life...and what on earth am i going to do with all this weird energy if i can't get it out through acting? ach. acting has been part of my life for so many years...its gonna' be weird not doing it. maybe i will just make real life like tv. well i am off to do some work now. but in closing i would liek to say i am still crazy about mattymac...but not in the sick way heather is...ew(kidding)...in a different way...in a i would help you move the body way. mm hmm....the end. p.s. holly panabaker is getting married.

mm hmm

nicki hates the internet....and can we blame her? no. it hates her first...infact...here is a little secret...it hates us all...in varying degrees. i am so excited about PK and dorthy!! yay another kerr!!! excitement! and brad and tanya? yay! so weddings and babies all around!!! my turn yet? maybe soon....i gave PK a list i made of things composing the perfect husband...so maybe he can recruit someone for me when he moves! lol yeah....anyway i am already crazy about mattymac....but who isn't....he is soooo dreamy! anyway....thats it for me for now! love you all!

ach

last night's drama went pretty well....it was the last one ever:( i can't believe ross and leanne are leaving! its so sad....drama has been an awesome experience for me in my three years at klbc. i am so sad its over. i helped lead music last night....that went ok....but i really wish i could hear out of both ears....will i ever get better? or do i learn to live with it? ach. ever notice how some things just aren't the same without certain people around? yeah...i have. i am getting so excited for mark and lindsay's wedding...it is going to come quick! hmmm anyone know when it will be my turn? ok i guess God does. we listened to this message last night in the van on the way back from barrie....i forget who the guy was ask ross. it was on trusting God, not being worried. check out psalm 37, matthew 6:33-34, and philippians 4:6. do not be anxious. do not fret. do not worry. God is in control folks! "every morning i wake up and i ask myself two questions, 1. is God as worried about today as i am? if the answer is yes i take two prozak and go back to bed. but the answer is never yes, its no. and the second question is if God isn't worried about today than why shoudl i be?" that was from the message last night in the van....isn't it great!?!?! we don't have to worry, God has our lives planned....He knows what He has for us, and He doesn't worry! so then....why do we?

ok so i am super excited about mark and lidsay's wedding!!! and i get to be in it!! yay!! that has kept me excited for days. and here is what has been dragging me down...does anyone out there think its ok for boys to hit a girl in any circumstancs? if so when...and why? and why do i trust anyone ever? i really want this year to be over. of course there are people i am gonig to miss a lot, like luke...he will be in far away land for what will seem like forever. good friends are hard to come by and often times imposters sneak in. guard your hearts folks and keep your eyes on Jesus. and when a good friend does come along, treat them awesome. do as i say not as i tend to do. i sure could use a hero right now...is there anyone out there who will come make everything better?