2022 update

I'm enjoying summer thus far. Lots of camping and daily outings. Kids are having fun. 

I have become a huge fan of yoga. Its changed my life. I go several times a week and meditate as often as possible.  It's dulled my anxiety to a manageable level. I have been finding connections with new people and making amazing friends who are like minded and lovely.  I feel changes coming for me that are scary but will be good. I feel like i have grown a lot. Kindness is my favourite thing. I strive to be kind to everyone because thats what i need from people. I think yoga and meditation are helping me to see the good in everyone but also realizing that not everyone has a permanent place in my life.  I am enjoying my new adventure.

Being a mom is hard. I am exhausted all the time. Trying to make everyone happy all the time is so difficult. I struggle a lot but i am so grateful for these little people. I'm trying my best to be everything they need me to be and to make sure they turn out to be kind loving people.  

Nick has decided to not play hockey this year and instead try a new adventure in martial arts. I am actually really sad he wont be playing but am excited for him to find a sport he loves. Everyone else wants to play. He is being tested for ASD and hearing issues with his right ear. He has some struggles but has a big heart and is a sweety.  

William has been diagnosed with adhd inattentive and after years of struggling in school is finally on a dose of medication that is helping him focus and excel! He is doing great.

Benjamin has been doing well in school.  He procrastinates like i always did but academics come easily to him. He loves baseball and while they are all playing this year, he loves it the most.

Elizabeth is in her first year of tball and is having fun! She starts school in the fall and that makes me so sad. She is my little bestie. She is so ready for it though.

And for Brian, the only person reading this "Yeah baby, yeah."  From your favourite movie. Also, you're my best friend and i love you and I am proud of you and you're going to be ok. Your love of fish is a bit much though. 😬 thanks for being a golden girl with me. 

Look sloop a new blog for you to read! I forgot blogs existed until today. 🧡

wooo

Update! Married, have a 1 year old, am pregnant!!!

life

it all goes by so slowly and so quickly at the same time. i have no idea what im doing. i just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. there is no way to control everything anyway...no point in trying. my parents house is almost built. its beautiful. everything is perfect and exactly what they want. its not the same though. i cant believe its been over 3 months since b left us. doesnt make sense in my head nor in my heart and i miss her. im afraid. afraid it will happen to me and afraid it wont. she was so fill of life. i was always jealous of her. now shes gone. just like that. what if i die young with so much more to do? what if i die old and alone having done nothing. i dont want to be afraid. this next year is dedicated to finding me. i want to live a life that would make b smile. i'll be getting my first tattoo this year in her memory. and im going to start embracing things that make me happy. im determined to find beauty everywhere...if things are beautiful they cant be scary right?

a poem about b

She does not sleep, she walks with Him.

She left the earth with a new life to begin.

Her smile is bigger now than it has ever been.

The sun shines brighter than she has ever seen.

The pain is gone, it doesn't hurt anymore.

She is happy now, of this we can be sure.

And yes we will miss her for the rest of our lives.

We will think of her fondly, we'll smile and cry.

But no one can take the memories we hold in our hearts.

She will live deep inside us until we too part.

We will hold tight to each thought until our last breath is due.

Then we will see her again and walk with Him too.

So, although she's not here and it hurts to carry on.

Just because we can't see her doesn't mean she is gone.

When tears fill your eyes and your heart grows dim.

Just remember,

She does not sleep, she walks with Him.

memories

22 years and 4 months. thats how long i've known you. thats pretty much our entire lives. i can't even imagine what it would have been like without you. you were part of everything. i remember when i first met you E invited me over to play with you and i was so excited to make my first friend since moving. i think we were pretty much inseparable from that point on. you knew all my secrets...not that you always kept them secret! when i try to think of our good times my head nearly explodes because there are so many. i love you more than im supposed to i think. you're the only "sister" i have ever had. i remember when you mom paid me to babysit you guys...that was fun...i got paid to hang out with my best friend. i also got paid to baby sit someone taller than me...haha. those were good days...prank calls, zoodles and grilled cheese. so many good times were had in the pool too..."geek down the street" wearing a life jacket even though he could touch! playing mermaids, swapping bathing suits, swimming laps, you being the only one tall enough to get the ladder down...and my favourite...you changing outside! remember the slip and slide? didn't even last a whole summer and your parents took it away. boo. remember playing in the sandbox? making terrible mixtures and trying to get katy to eat it? i think some of my favourite times with you when we were little was playing barbies. i loved barbies! and cabbage patch dolls. remember when we both fit on the small circle couch? i was sad to see that gem go! best couch ever. i know your favourite was uno...but if i recall correctly its because you pretty much always won. remember trick-or-treating? all those other schmucks walking and my dad driving us around...ha. remember freeze pops? yum! i will so never forget you driving your bike so fast the training wheels came flying off. oh my gosh and riding the wagon down the hill! ...and the picking of the rocks from my chin when i crashed it. i also remember you guys had the best back yard. like 4 swing sets and the pool and the sand box and the climbing tire. then as we got too old for that the trampoline came! didn't the boys jump off the garage roof onto it? man we were nuts. remember sneak swimming in the river so your parents didnt get mad that we weren't in the pool? remember singing together? praying together? the opening of fishing season! sleeping in the car...you being real drunk. remember me threatening to throw that one guy in the river if he didn't leave you alone?! remember me being banned form being your date because holly hated me after i threatened to beat her up when you were in grade 8? remember going for runs together but i was slow and you were fast so you would jog ahead and come back? remember when we took the grandprix and you drove it into a tree at the movie store?! remember watching mike dance?! remember when he had a crush on me? :P oh boy. remember that time you got hurt playing rugby? i cried so much and had to play while crying haha. remember when my hair got chopped off and you put your clips in it to make it pretty? :) strip poker in my basement? sharing a slushy. sitting on the bench down town with a cosmo. banana popsicles. that time you insisted you would not burn, you put on a bikini and sat in the sun all day at my trailer...yeah you burned real nice. remember the time your daddy made US clean the pool after winter? man that was SICK. remember tuesdays and fridays figure skating and saturday morning bowling. remember our many crushes on like everyone! remember the fort? watching the boys play road hockey? me being in bed naked and you coming over and sitting on the end of it talking to me? remember always meeting and parting at the corner? the caterpillar tree?? ew. remember me always making you carry me? dirty dancing at school dances...and the teen dances! remember spending 7$ at Christmas? remember when we went away to school? and didn't see each other much anymore? :( remember talking on the phone when we could find time? remember when you told me they found tumors in your lungs and we cried in the parking lot at the mall... remember when you drove here for my birthday to surprise me? best birthday present ever. remember exploding chocolate sauce and me laughing in hysterics on the phone...then raymond having to clean it up...his punishment for making a terrible casserole. remember the best dance ever? remember the most wonderful lunch at reggies? so many more memories to come. God is in control. thank you for being my "sister" thank you for being part of everything in my life. i've never been so scared and so content at the same time. God really is in control. i love you belinda. my life would have been absolute crap without you.

not so bad...not so bad.

today i decided i like not being married, and i like not having kids. for now at least. i get to hang out with my friends whenever i want and i can fly by the seat of my pants. example, tonight i am having a mac and cheese party. woot.

people still read blogs?

so i guess i can give a little update to those who don't care about facebook:P plus i discovered people still read these? craziness! anyway, belinda's real sick and needs your prayers. a lot. anytime you are like hmm what should i do....pray for her. there is a "we love belinda" facebook site you can go on for news of whats happening. in other news, my parents house burned...that sucks real bad. its been a pretty stressful summer all in all, belinda and i had a lunch date the other day, she asked me how my summer was going and i laughed and asked her how hers was going...stupid cancer. its such an ass hole. oh, but one kinda funny thing that came from our house burning was hearing my mom say the f word...pretty funny. some good things have happened this summer too, got to meet some new friends and thats always wonderful....its interesting how God brings people into our lives at just the right time. also discovered the kubo lounge on george street...its pretty nice in there. cute bartender:P i think this summer has been full of insane changes, some good...some really good.....but most just feel terrible. for those of you who do not know, my bother and amanda are having a baby! guess i have to re-vamp that old poem i wrote about them. im pretty excited.... however...my brother and avery really think the baby should be named leroy if its a boy....good grief. i hope amanda bans them form picking names:P you can creep my facebook if you want to see pictures of this summer. thanks for reading! remember to keep us all in your prayers, we need it. love you guys:) xo <3

Belinda

Dear readers;

It seems as though my friend Belinda is sick, and going through a lot of tests right now. She is at Sunnybrook hospital in TO and needs your prayers. She has some large masses in her lungs. She had her biopsy done today, and is also getting her bone marrow tested tomorrow. I will update you as we find out more, but please be praying for her and her family. She is 23 and beautiful. She is young and strong thank goodness. She was engaged this past summer, and has been running in marathons. She really needs your prayers. Please spread the word. Also pray for her Family and Friends and her Fiance Ray. Thank you so much.

just wondering...

does anyone read these anymore? i think i have stuff to say again....but i don't know if anyone is listening...do i care? prolly not im me.

so its crazy how much life changes...even day by day. and its even more crazy that we are constantly searching trying to figure out who we are. so, i got my lip pierced...i haven't had a piercing in years...forgot how much the healing process sucked. haha anyway, i have been thinking a lot lately about who i am. i think when i went to bible college who i was got changed and it wasn't me anymore. i still believe everything i believed then...its just that im not so naive anymore. i look back and i am sad that i was so mindless. so who am i? dont know. will i ever know? do we just go through our entire lives trying to figure out who we are? or do we eventually find ourselves? i know some things about who i am, the basics. anyway. i am bored of typing now. so i shall wait and see if anyone reads this. p.s...preston sucks.

wow i never post anymore!

sorry guys...i dont even know what to say...ummm... i dont think anything is new? my hair is likely longer...and im a couple months older since the last post... ummm... haha but i think thats it! im mostly just doing this for luke... poor guy says he checks but there is never anything here. well now there is and its all for you pal...the only person who ever reads my blogs! i wish i were more important and had better things to say...but i dont. perhaps later ill write you a poem or something... hmm...maybe something about tree toads...or road flares....or song birds...never know really. i think the moral of the story is i am borring. oh wait...thats sort of lies. i have been goign for walks in the most beautiful place near where i live! its fantastic and the sun sets are sexy. so i will post photos of that eventually. oh annnd i had a date with jenna little last week...fantastic! and i do believe i have another date with her this thursday! oh how i do love that beautiful ray of sunshine! :D no dates with boys though...whats wrong with them? they should prolly ask me out...i might say yes! so for now i will bid you farewell, and i will be eagerly awaiting a comment on this post...very eagerly! haha i love whoever reads this! oh and speaking of love...i have now developed a habbit of making a heart with my hands...you shoudl try it, it makes any day grand! so to finish up i would like to remind you to never spay or neuter your pets, puppies and kitties are cute! ha xo

ohhh and ps my mom has a dog, and he name is micki and she is a cavalier king charles spaniel...you know...the kind with the long pretty ears...i'll post pictures later! hugs!

no news

so its been 2 months...i dont think much is new though....my brother's gf got a bunny....and it lives at my parents house...thats about it. i continue to make terrible decisoins, and to like boys who will never like me back. i dont fit in at work...some people are even mean to me because i am not smart. i miss home a lot..though it is nice having my own place sometimes. i had a birthday, got older...that sucks. i dont think i have much else to say. i hope things are well with all of you.

hey luke, this one is dedicated to you as well!

ok so i am working at minacs and i love it! i have a new apartment and i love that too! though it gets a little sad being alone...no big deal i guess. life is pretty grand for me right now, i hope all of you are doing well too! i have been busy busy busy busy cleaning and putting stuff away! i have been decorating a bit, but its still not very christmassy in there. i'll get my tree next weekend and that will give me smiles:P i love you guys!

changed my mind

ok so i decided to instead, accept a job at minacs. so i'll be working starting next monday, 4 weeks of training 9- 5 and then my shifts start. still need a place so pray please.

i've been told to update:P

shmoo dedicates this to her favourite nephew.

ok so, i got a job at teleperformance! yay! i start training on monday. my shift is midnight until 8 am. im preatty excited. though i am extra terrified because i will be living by myself...and im going to miss my family...and i never wanted to leave home until i was married, which clearly i am not. so im super super scared, while being super excited. i appreciate your prayers big time!!!! i still have interviews with other place so...yeah you never know, but yeah pray pray pray for me please!!! i think thats all that was new with me...oh if anyone knows of a place for me to live let me know!!! i need an apartment!!! love you guys! xo

She cries late at night, when she knows no one will hear. She sobs silently as she lives out all her fears. Her heart is breaking rapidly and she knows that no one cares. Her dreams are being shattered as her future disappears. She needs someone to hold her, to tell her every thing’s alright. She knows that no one loves her, but she smiles out of spite. She just lives pretending she’s ok. Ignores their evil looks, makes it through another day. Night falls and the tears come once again. Oh how she longs for the day when her smile is not pretend.

stolen from sarah babineau.

the following post was stolen directly off of the blog of sarah babineau, word for word, stolen. she had some amazing things to say, and so i stole the whole thing and posted it on my blog. thank you to sarah babineau for your words of wisdom, and the scripture. perhaps comming from the mouth of someone so sweet, the words will mean more than comming from me, because you may not be able to see past my scarlet A. her link is on my page if you would like to read her blog, though she hasn't updated in 600000 years, perhaps you could encourage her!



"Romans 2:1-11Therefore you have no excuse, everyone * of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly * falls upon those who practice such things. But do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God ? Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance ? But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who WILL RENDER TO EACH PERSON ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS: to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life; but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation. There will be tribulation and distress for every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek, but glory and honor and peace to everyone who does good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For there is no partiality with God.

Ok so, I am sure we have all read this at some point in time. Verse 4ish stood out to me though.

2:4Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance ?

how often do we take what God did for us for granted. and does our knowledge lead us to repentance? I know I have a couple of unresolved things I haven't brought up yet, I mean sin is fun right? It is a lot easier to just sit back and play with it and ignore what we know to be true. Unfortunately as we put off repenting sometimes we forget about the sin, it becomes natural and comfortable to us and we become calloused and cold. So what happens?

2:5But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, (2:6) who WILL RENDER TO EACH PERSON ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS:

I didn't put the caps on it there... it came off of crosswalk like that. Lately - and really most of the time - I know what kind of marks and comments I am going to be getting off of my papers. The will tell me I am a horrible commaer and I have problems with sentence length. There are also little stuff here and there that I will know about but do not fix because I either do not know how to or, I don't have the time to. So I don't fix them and I get marked accordingly. Sometimes my spiritual life is like that too. I usually forget about the storing up part but it is no different than my papers - just on a larger and more important scale.

2:7to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life;

Perseverance. It kinda reminds me of training for the OUAs. We had a whole lot of exercise in a small period of time and had to train to get our endurance levels up. Then we carb loaded. Still at the end of the day I was spent and had to sit out for part of it and let our alternate take a turn. It is hard work. It is work. I don't like working, it is so much easier to let life happen to you - much more than happening to life. Perseverance is not just standing during a storm, it is moving through it.

2:8but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation.

'nuff said.this one was long, but it hasn't happened and I have been lazy lately. Obey the truth."

christians are judgemental and hurt eachother for fun. why would anyone want to be like us? why does no one listen? grow up foolish people.

wow...God is amazing!

ok so...i guess all i can say is...forgiveness is an amazing concept. recently i have been going through some trying times....and a couple days ago...they got much much worse. i foudn out some things...that are very unfortunate...anyway...i was so so so angry with chad for the things i had learned...because those things...were very very terrible. i wanted to go beat him up and all the rest of the stuff you feel when you feel completely violated and used. but then suddenly something popped into my head. i told chad one day that i forgive him for everything, even the stuff i dont know...so...how is it i could just change my mind now that i know the stuff? and BAM i forgave him. how imposisble is that? very....cuz trust me the stuff was not pleasent. how amazing that God just...put the forgiveness there! God is so incredible! there was no process it was just like God said, alright you are going to forgive him right now, and the anger was gone! at first i thoguth id keep it to myself because i didn't want to boast that i could forgive...but the thing is i didn't forgive...i was mad and God just took away the anger and...put the forgiveness there. he replaced the madness with an absolutely incredible peace. i cant even describe it. i feel more content now than i ever have in all my life. i feel as though God is standing with His hands on my shoulders! God is so amazing, and so loving. i have not been as faithful through all this as i shoudl have been...and look how He takes care of me anyway! keep praying for chad, pray that God will reveal Himself to him, and show him how much He really loves him. pray that he understand that God raelly loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us, knowing we were gonna mess up! The kind of love God has for us is NOT based on our actions in anyway, and no matter what we do He is going to love us anyway! pray God will show this to chad in such a way that chad has to get it. also please continue to pray for me, that God continues to give me this incredible strangth and peace and contentment! and our friend joel who is going through hard times.

now here is a lesson i have learned through all this. people are watching us. our actions do not only effect us, but the people around us as well. my choosing to do the things with chad that i did, effected him too, not jsut me. also we need to nurture other people's faith. sure we may not be responsible for other people's decisions, but we do have the ability to help....or hinder them. lets not let satan use our actions to hurt other people. and remember it is our job to love, not to judge.

man God sure loves His little ones! in a way none of us can understand! and who cares who feels its their place to judge me? God knows best, and He is my daddy, and He is in control of my life, and those people cannot take Him away from me, or me away from Him!

keep your light going

well, im affraid i dont have much to say. perhaps just a warning. be careful not to scare nonchristians away from Christ. becareful not to slame the kigdom of heaven shut for people. becareful not to smush baby faith but to nurture it. becarefull because...we are responsible when we do these things. be the hands and feet of Jesus, no matter what you are goign through. be salt and light, and shine so bright people can see you from a mile away, even when you are sad....perhaps especially when you are sad. remember to carry one anothers burdens, and remember to keep God the centre of everything. its scarey when you don't. please keep praying for chad, and please keep praying for me. i am finding it difficult being salt and light, and i am finding it difficult to consider it pure joy as i go through trials. i hope all is well with who ever still reads tis blog. and if you are reading this right now, i very much appreciate it, thank you.:)