cole

life

2011-01-11T19:23:00.002-05:00

it all goes by so slowly and so quickly at the same time. i have no idea what im doing. i just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best. there is no way to control everything anyway...no point in trying. my parents house is almost built. its beautiful. everything is perfect and exactly what they want. its not the same though. i cant believe its been over 3 months since b left us. doesnt make sense in my head nor in my heart and i miss her. im afraid. afraid it will happen to me and afraid it wont. she was so fill of life. i was always jealous of her. now shes gone. just like that. what if i die young with so much more to do? what if i die old and alone having done nothing. i dont want to be afraid. this next year is dedicated to finding me. i want to live a life that would make b smile. i'll be getting my first tattoo this year in her memory. and im going to start embracing things that make me happy. im determined to find beauty everywhere...if things are beautiful they cant be scary right?

a poem about b

2010-10-11T23:15:00.002-04:00

She does not sleep, she walks with Him.

She left the earth with a new life to begin.

Her smile is bigger now than it has ever been.

The sun shines brighter than she has ever seen.

The pain is gone, it doesn't hurt anymore.

She is happy now, of this we can be sure.

And yes we will miss her for the rest of our lives.

We will think of her fondly, we'll smile and cry.

But no one can take the memories we hold in our hearts.

She will live deep inside us until we too part.

We will hold tight to each thought until our last breath is due.

Then we will see her again and walk with Him too.

So, although she's not here and it hurts to carry on.

Just because we can't see her doesn't mean she is gone.

When tears fill your eyes and your heart grows dim.

Just remember,

She does not sleep, she walks with Him.

memories

2010-09-09T19:11:00.001-04:00

22 years and 4 months. thats how long i've known you. thats pretty much our entire lives. i can't even imagine what it would have been like without you. you were part of everything. i remember when i first met you E invited me over to play with you and i was so excited to make my first friend since moving. i think we were pretty much inseparable from that point on. you knew all my secrets...not that you always kept them secret! when i try to think of our good times my head nearly explodes because there are so many. i love you more than im supposed to i think. you're the only "sister" i have ever had. i remember when you mom paid me to babysit you guys...that was fun...i got paid to hang out with my best friend. i also got paid to baby sit someone taller than me...haha. those were good days...prank calls, zoodles and grilled cheese. so many good times were had in the pool too..."geek down the street" wearing a life jacket even though he could touch! playing mermaids, swapping bathing suits, swimming laps, you being the only one tall enough to get the ladder down...and my favourite...you changing outside! remember the slip and slide? didn't even last a whole summer and your parents took it away. boo. remember playing in the sandbox? making terrible mixtures and trying to get katy to eat it? i think some of my favourite times with you when we were little was playing barbies. i loved barbies! and cabbage patch dolls. remember when we both fit on the small circle couch? i was sad to see that gem go! best couch ever. i know your favourite was uno...but if i recall correctly its because you pretty much always won. remember trick-or-treating? all those other schmucks walking and my dad driving us around...ha. remember freeze pops? yum! i will so never forget you driving your bike so fast the training wheels came flying off. oh my gosh and riding the wagon down the hill! ...and the picking of the rocks from my chin when i crashed it. i also remember you guys had the best back yard. like 4 swing sets and the pool and the sand box and the climbing tire. then as we got too old for that the trampoline came! didn't the boys jump off the garage roof onto it? man we were nuts. remember sneak swimming in the river so your parents didnt get mad that we weren't in the pool? remember singing together? praying together? the opening of fishing season! sleeping in the car...you being real drunk. remember me threatening to throw that one guy in the river if he didn't leave you alone?! remember me being banned form being your date because holly hated me after i threatened to beat her up when you were in grade 8? remember going for runs together but i was slow and you were fast so you would jog ahead and come back? remember when we took the grandprix and you drove it into a tree at the movie store?! remember watching mike dance?! remember when he had a crush on me? :P oh boy. remember that time you got hurt playing rugby? i cried so much and had to play while crying haha. remember when my hair got chopped off and you put your clips in it to make it pretty? :) strip poker in my basement? sharing a slushy. sitting on the bench down town with a cosmo. banana popsicles. that time you insisted you would not burn, you put on a bikini and sat in the sun all day at my trailer...yeah you burned real nice. remember the time your daddy made US clean the pool after winter? man that was SICK. remember tuesdays and fridays figure skating and saturday morning bowling. remember our many crushes on like everyone! remember the fort? watching the boys play road hockey? me being in bed naked and you coming over and sitting on the end of it talking to me? remember always meeting and parting at the corner? the caterpillar tree?? ew. remember me always making you carry me? dirty dancing at school dances...and the teen dances! remember spending 7$ at Christmas? remember when we went away to school? and didn't see each other much anymore? :( remember talking on the phone when we could find time? remember when you told me they found tumors in your lungs and we cried in the parking lot at the mall... remember when you drove here for my birthday to surprise me? best birthday present ever. remember exploding chocolate sauce and me laughing in hysterics on the phone...then raymond having to clean it up...his punishment for making a terrible casserole. remember the best dance ever? remember the most wonderful lunch at reggies? so many more memories to come. God is in control. thank you for being my "sister" thank you for being part of everything in my life. i've never been so scared and so content at the same time. God really is in control. i love you belinda. my life would have been absolute crap without you.

not so bad...not so bad.

2010-09-03T14:49:00.002-04:00

today i decided i like not being married, and i like not having kids. for now at least. i get to hang out with my friends whenever i want and i can fly by the seat of my pants. example, tonight i am having a mac and cheese party. woot.

people still read blogs?

2010-08-31T09:27:00.006-04:00

so i guess i can give a little update to those who don't care about facebook:P plus i discovered people still read these? craziness! anyway, belinda's real sick and needs your prayers. a lot. anytime you are like hmm what should i do....pray for her. there is a "we love belinda" facebook site you can go on for news of whats happening. in other news, my parents house burned...that sucks real bad. its been a pretty stressful summer all in all, belinda and i had a lunch date the other day, she asked me how my summer was going and i laughed and asked her how hers was going...stupid cancer. its such an ass hole. oh, but one kinda funny thing that came from our house burning was hearing my mom say the f word...pretty funny. some good things have happened this summer too, got to meet some new friends and thats always wonderful....its interesting how God brings people into our lives at just the right time. also discovered the kubo lounge on george street...its pretty nice in there. cute bartender:P i think this summer has been full of insane changes, some good...some really good.....but most just feel terrible. for those of you who do not know, my bother and amanda are having a baby! guess i have to re-vamp that old poem i wrote about them. im pretty excited.... however...my brother and avery really think the baby should be named leroy if its a boy....good grief. i hope amanda bans them form picking names:P you can creep my facebook if you want to see pictures of this summer. thanks for reading! remember to keep us all in your prayers, we need it. love you guys:) xo <3

Belinda

2010-01-25T23:54:00.003-05:00

Dear readers;

It seems as though my friend Belinda is sick, and going through a lot of tests right now. She is at Sunnybrook hospital in TO and needs your prayers. She has some large masses in her lungs. She had her biopsy done today, and is also getting her bone marrow tested tomorrow. I will update you as we find out more, but please be praying for her and her family. She is 23 and beautiful. She is young and strong thank goodness. She was engaged this past summer, and has been running in marathons. She really needs your prayers. Please spread the word. Also pray for her Family and Friends and her Fiance Ray. Thank you so much.

just wondering...

2009-12-19T14:50:00.002-05:00

does anyone read these anymore? i think i have stuff to say again....but i don't know if anyone is listening...do i care? prolly not im me.

so its crazy how much life changes...even day by day. and its even more crazy that we are constantly searching trying to figure out who we are. so, i got my lip pierced...i haven't had a piercing in years...forgot how much the healing process sucked. haha anyway, i have been thinking a lot lately about who i am. i think when i went to bible college who i was got changed and it wasn't me anymore. i still believe everything i believed then...its just that im not so naive anymore. i look back and i am sad that i was so mindless. so who am i? dont know. will i ever know? do we just go through our entire lives trying to figure out who we are? or do we eventually find ourselves? i know some things about who i am, the basics. anyway. i am bored of typing now. so i shall wait and see if anyone reads this. p.s...preston sucks.

wow i never post anymore!

2008-04-16T13:40:00.004-04:00

sorry guys...i dont even know what to say...ummm... i dont think anything is new? my hair is likely longer...and im a couple months older since the last post... ummm... haha but i think thats it! im mostly just doing this for luke... poor guy says he checks but there is never anything here. well now there is and its all for you pal...the only person who ever reads my blogs! i wish i were more important and had better things to say...but i dont. perhaps later ill write you a poem or something... hmm...maybe something about tree toads...or road flares....or song birds...never know really. i think the moral of the story is i am borring. oh wait...thats sort of lies. i have been goign for walks in the most beautiful place near where i live! its fantastic and the sun sets are sexy. so i will post photos of that eventually. oh annnd i had a date with jenna little last week...fantastic! and i do believe i have another date with her this thursday! oh how i do love that beautiful ray of sunshine! :D no dates with boys though...whats wrong with them? they should prolly ask me out...i might say yes! so for now i will bid you farewell, and i will be eagerly awaiting a comment on this post...very eagerly! haha i love whoever reads this! oh and speaking of love...i have now developed a habbit of making a heart with my hands...you shoudl try it, it makes any day grand! so to finish up i would like to remind you to never spay or neuter your pets, puppies and kitties are cute! ha xo

ohhh and ps my mom has a dog, and he name is micki and she is a cavalier king charles spaniel...you know...the kind with the long pretty ears...i'll post pictures later! hugs!

no news

2008-02-05T15:15:00.000-05:00

so its been 2 months...i dont think much is new though....my brother's gf got a bunny....and it lives at my parents house...thats about it. i continue to make terrible decisoins, and to like boys who will never like me back. i dont fit in at work...some people are even mean to me because i am not smart. i miss home a lot..though it is nice having my own place sometimes. i had a birthday, got older...that sucks. i dont think i have much else to say. i hope things are well with all of you.

hey luke, this one is dedicated to you as well!

2007-12-08T11:29:00.000-05:00

ok so i am working at minacs and i love it! i have a new apartment and i love that too! though it gets a little sad being alone...no big deal i guess. life is pretty grand for me right now, i hope all of you are doing well too! i have been busy busy busy busy cleaning and putting stuff away! i have been decorating a bit, but its still not very christmassy in there. i'll get my tree next weekend and that will give me smiles:P i love you guys!

changed my mind

2007-11-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

ok so i decided to instead, accept a job at minacs. so i'll be working starting next monday, 4 weeks of training 9- 5 and then my shifts start. still need a place so pray please.

i've been told to update:P

2007-11-14T21:28:00.000-05:00

shmoo dedicates this to her favourite nephew.

ok so, i got a job at teleperformance! yay! i start training on monday. my shift is midnight until 8 am. im preatty excited. though i am extra terrified because i will be living by myself...and im going to miss my family...and i never wanted to leave home until i was married, which clearly i am not. so im super super scared, while being super excited. i appreciate your prayers big time!!!! i still have interviews with other place so...yeah you never know, but yeah pray pray pray for me please!!! i think thats all that was new with me...oh if anyone knows of a place for me to live let me know!!! i need an apartment!!! love you guys! xo

2007-10-20T01:06:00.000-04:00

She cries late at night, when she knows no one will hear. She sobs silently as she lives out all her fears. Her heart is breaking rapidly and she knows that no one cares. Her dreams are being shattered as her future disappears. She needs someone to hold her, to tell her every thing’s alright. She knows that no one loves her, but she smiles out of spite. She just lives pretending she’s ok. Ignores their evil looks, makes it through another day. Night falls and the tears come once again. Oh how she longs for the day when her smile is not pretend.

stolen from sarah babineau.

2007-09-24T13:45:00.000-04:00

the following post was stolen directly off of the blog of sarah babineau, word for word, stolen. she had some amazing things to say, and so i stole the whole thing and posted it on my blog. thank you to sarah babineau for your words of wisdom, and the scripture. perhaps comming from the mouth of someone so sweet, the words will mean more than comming from me, because you may not be able to see past my scarlet A. her link is on my page if you would like to read her blog, though she hasn't updated in 600000 years, perhaps you could encourage her!

"Romans 2:1-11Therefore you have no excuse, everyone * of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly * falls upon those who practice such things. But do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God ? Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance ? But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who WILL RENDER TO EACH PERSON ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS: to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life; but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation. There will be tribulation and distress for every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek, but glory and honor and peace to everyone who does good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For there is no partiality with God.

Ok so, I am sure we have all read this at some point in time. Verse 4ish stood out to me though.

2:4Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance ?

how often do we take what God did for us for granted. and does our knowledge lead us to repentance? I know I have a couple of unresolved things I haven't brought up yet, I mean sin is fun right? It is a lot easier to just sit back and play with it and ignore what we know to be true. Unfortunately as we put off repenting sometimes we forget about the sin, it becomes natural and comfortable to us and we become calloused and cold. So what happens?

2:5But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, (2:6) who WILL RENDER TO EACH PERSON ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS:

I didn't put the caps on it there... it came off of crosswalk like that. Lately - and really most of the time - I know what kind of marks and comments I am going to be getting off of my papers. The will tell me I am a horrible commaer and I have problems with sentence length. There are also little stuff here and there that I will know about but do not fix because I either do not know how to or, I don't have the time to. So I don't fix them and I get marked accordingly. Sometimes my spiritual life is like that too. I usually forget about the storing up part but it is no different than my papers - just on a larger and more important scale.

2:7to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life;

Perseverance. It kinda reminds me of training for the OUAs. We had a whole lot of exercise in a small period of time and had to train to get our endurance levels up. Then we carb loaded. Still at the end of the day I was spent and had to sit out for part of it and let our alternate take a turn. It is hard work. It is work. I don't like working, it is so much easier to let life happen to you - much more than happening to life. Perseverance is not just standing during a storm, it is moving through it.

2:8but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation.

'nuff said.this one was long, but it hasn't happened and I have been lazy lately. Obey the truth."

2007-09-13T17:36:00.000-04:00

christians are judgemental and hurt eachother for fun. why would anyone want to be like us? why does no one listen? grow up foolish people.

wow...God is amazing!

2007-09-09T11:21:00.000-04:00

ok so...i guess all i can say is...forgiveness is an amazing concept. recently i have been going through some trying times....and a couple days ago...they got much much worse. i foudn out some things...that are very unfortunate...anyway...i was so so so angry with chad for the things i had learned...because those things...were very very terrible. i wanted to go beat him up and all the rest of the stuff you feel when you feel completely violated and used. but then suddenly something popped into my head. i told chad one day that i forgive him for everything, even the stuff i dont know...so...how is it i could just change my mind now that i know the stuff? and BAM i forgave him. how imposisble is that? very....cuz trust me the stuff was not pleasent. how amazing that God just...put the forgiveness there! God is so incredible! there was no process it was just like God said, alright you are going to forgive him right now, and the anger was gone! at first i thoguth id keep it to myself because i didn't want to boast that i could forgive...but the thing is i didn't forgive...i was mad and God just took away the anger and...put the forgiveness there. he replaced the madness with an absolutely incredible peace. i cant even describe it. i feel more content now than i ever have in all my life. i feel as though God is standing with His hands on my shoulders! God is so amazing, and so loving. i have not been as faithful through all this as i shoudl have been...and look how He takes care of me anyway! keep praying for chad, pray that God will reveal Himself to him, and show him how much He really loves him. pray that he understand that God raelly loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us, knowing we were gonna mess up! The kind of love God has for us is NOT based on our actions in anyway, and no matter what we do He is going to love us anyway! pray God will show this to chad in such a way that chad has to get it. also please continue to pray for me, that God continues to give me this incredible strangth and peace and contentment! and our friend joel who is going through hard times.

now here is a lesson i have learned through all this. people are watching us. our actions do not only effect us, but the people around us as well. my choosing to do the things with chad that i did, effected him too, not jsut me. also we need to nurture other people's faith. sure we may not be responsible for other people's decisions, but we do have the ability to help....or hinder them. lets not let satan use our actions to hurt other people. and remember it is our job to love, not to judge.

man God sure loves His little ones! in a way none of us can understand! and who cares who feels its their place to judge me? God knows best, and He is my daddy, and He is in control of my life, and those people cannot take Him away from me, or me away from Him!

keep your light going

2007-08-31T22:16:00.000-04:00

well, im affraid i dont have much to say. perhaps just a warning. be careful not to scare nonchristians away from Christ. becareful not to slame the kigdom of heaven shut for people. becareful not to smush baby faith but to nurture it. becarefull because...we are responsible when we do these things. be the hands and feet of Jesus, no matter what you are goign through. be salt and light, and shine so bright people can see you from a mile away, even when you are sad....perhaps especially when you are sad. remember to carry one anothers burdens, and remember to keep God the centre of everything. its scarey when you don't. please keep praying for chad, and please keep praying for me. i am finding it difficult being salt and light, and i am finding it difficult to consider it pure joy as i go through trials. i hope all is well with who ever still reads tis blog. and if you are reading this right now, i very much appreciate it, thank you.:)

so in love with God

2007-08-13T01:25:00.000-04:00

PRAISE GOD:) His yoke is easy and His burden is light. keep praying for chad and i and praise God for everything!O oh man He is soo awesome! God is just soo fabuous! He works in mysterious way! ways we never see comming! Oh dear LORD thank you thank you for everything you do! you know so much more than i! keep me strong oh LORD my salvaiton! When we are drowning in a river of fear and sorrow you strap life jackets on us! Oh LORD you help us through our trials! You hold up out heads! Praise the LORD! more solid than the ground we walk on! Praise the LORD, my everything! He hears my cry and sets me free, He rescues me! THank you LORD for the trials that make us whole, for the growth, for the everything. You are amazing God! unless you know trials...how can you nkow mercy?! I love you LORD!

2007-08-01T18:10:00.000-04:00

he broke up with me and i am a very stupid girl. pray for me, cuz well obviously i am a huge mess, and pray for him...cuz im not sure whats going on there but i know he is struggling with God. thanks.

whats this?

2007-07-12T00:08:00.000-04:00

nicole massey, no longer single?! thats right folks! as all you facebook users have seen, chad and i are now in a relationship! how exciting and strange for me! everythign seems new again it has been so long, but it is wonderful, and he is an amazing boy:) you all would love him, i just know it! if i can remember how, i shall attatch a picture of us! keep praying for my uncle, and for my cousin jenna, she has a very severe form of rehumatoid arthritis( i dont care that i can't spell), and is very very sick. they put her on chemo to try to put it in remission, but had to take her off of it and her billions of other drugs when the internal bleeding started. i will keep you updated on her condition, just remember to pray for her. she is just a tiney little thing and only 19. she already has some deformities from the disease, and is in horrible pain. also pray for chad and i, that we know where God is leading us:) love you all, and thank you for carring enough to read this! i will try to update more later this or next week! *edit* look i did it! i got the picture up! haha:) he is cute...no? :P

oopsy

2007-06-26T23:44:00.000-04:00

another month has gone by! no one ever reads these anyway.... but i'll say this. i am getting more hours at the liquor store, my uncle is very vrey very sick and needs your prayers big time. and i met a boy. his name is chad, he is very nice and i like him. i hope all is well with you all. you know...if anyone reads this. keep praying for me and my family please.

wow!

2007-05-31T16:40:00.000-04:00

has it ever been a while! a month and a day! that jsut craziness! how could i have forgotten about you dear blogger?! how i missed you so! haha anywayyy... i now have a job at the liquor store, thank you to those have been praying:) i ask you please keep praying as this job is only until september, and i only get between 4 and 6 hours per week pretty much:S not enough! so im hoping to get another job as well. i will be going back to my aunt's this summer on days im not at the liquor store:S ach. anyway i trust all is well with you all! i unfortunately have not been able to make it back to the church that i so fell in love with, though i am hoping maybe this weekend i will get a chance! unfortunately i am at the mercy of those who drive me! if they cannot or will not i cannot go:( it is not an assembly though brad, its a pentacostal church, and its great. nothing better than being able to dance in church and hear a good message too! hmm im not sure what else has been new with me lately...that might be it...oh, i have redone my room!! how exciting! i may post pictures if i ever take some! my life has been ok up to this point, i have met a few online friends who are pretty cool, and i still got the good old ones like the fabulous nicki!! to talk to when im down..oh how i love that girl! oh yes...my friend sarah, my friend since grade 3 has a wedding date set for next august! how exciting!! my aunt meaghan is due in about a month and a half...thats longer than braydon, her first baby stayed in for! yay!!:D my family is sitll in pretty rough shape dealing with all the stuff that comes with the death of their parents. it was an absolutely terrible winter for us, and now its just about time to seel the house...which is an unthinkable thought right now:S:( i do ask that you continue to pray that mom and her sisters and brother can all stick together in these times. oh and more good news my brother caught an 8 lb pickrel at my trailer!!! how exciting! so we'll have a new wall ornament soon:P anyway i hope to get some comments its been a long time since i have talked to some of you!! i miss you all and i love you all! xo

church, blessings, and prayers

2007-04-30T12:04:00.000-04:00

first off, i want to say that not this sunday(cuz i had no ride), but the sunday before that i went to a pentacostal church, for the first time... it so not at all what i was expecting. sure there were a lot of hallelujah's and there was an hour of singing, and then the service so altogether it goes from 11-1..thats a 2 hour service people:P but the teaching was good, really giid and the people are fabulously friendly, all so excited to have you there...instead of the "why are you here" stares you tend to recieve at some churches. there is about 5 minutes where everyone goes around the church and greets everyone else. oh and its a huge church and its absolutely packed right full! its hard to find a seat!! and the teenagers sit up front..its a crazy thing...people actually want to be there, and so do i. as soon as i got in i said to my self " this is my new church". i love it. i dont think i know a single person there, except a kid from justin's school, who is a 16 or 17 year old cool kid, a guy even! who goes there without his parents cuz they dont go to church, just because he wants to be there. sweet eh? God's pretty fabulous. anyway, obviously there are still things i dont agree with that pentacostals would tend to, but oh well. the teaching was good that one week and i hope to see what its like every other week too. oh and they also have a tone of out reaches and stuff...im excited.

next topic.

people are never goping to learn they arent better than other people. there were parts of the klbc grad when i just wanted to walk out when mister Phil Barnes was speaking. not cuz his speach was bad, but because it was sooooooo good. because i felt i was sitting with a bunch of hypocrits(part of his address), who were just sitting there nodding, and not even listening to the man. the things he said were dead on. they are probably the things that are said every year, to live the life and so on...but this year i guess it extra hit me. maybe cuz hes a good speaker...maybe because im not living it...maybe cuz i know most people, sadly are not living it ...and there was a time i was naive enough to think they all were. anyway that was the klbc slogan this year, live it. and like mistr barnes said, that doesnt mean just going to church, it doesnt mean just reading your Bible, it doesnt mean just praying. it means really, actually living your live for Christ, in everything you do. and that means A LOT of change for pretty much everyone. cuz whats the point in reading the instruction manuel if you are just going to ignore the instructions? i was thinking of this thing....where if maybe we always carried some water....just an extra bottle or two, or a case if you have a car...so that when you see homeless people on the streets in the summer frantically searching through garbage cans for just a little drink...you could give them a bottle, and maybe tell them God loves them...whle showing them through your actions. i hope to be able to do this when i can. i got the idea from two sources. the first was last year i saw a man searching for water in trash cans and it soooo broke my heart, and so i gave him mine, because it was like 35 degrees that day and i could certainly buy another, but clearly he couldn't. then the second part...somehow let them know something about God through words...that came from no frills. a man asked for change and all i had was like 15 cents in my pocket, so i gave him that tiney bit of money and he said somerthing along the lines of "thank you, God bless you." then i emptied the cart into the trunk and brought it to him so he could return it for a mere quarter...and he said the same thing again. then i had time to go in my purse and find a bit more and he again said thank you and God bless you. it was so strange...because clearly...God has blessed me, hugely! yet this poor homeless man, who is excited at such a small sum of money, said those words to me. as though he felt so extraodrdinarily blessed that he wanted me to feel the same. we are blessed people. in two ways. if you are reading this, clearly you have money, a place to live and obvious luxeries many people dont have, so why not share a little in some form, a sandwich? water? change...? but if you are a Christian you have an even more important blessing. thats also something we should be sharing. i know its hard, im not quite sure how i can really do that yet..but i think its important we do...more important than the physical things we give, but they are a good way to get close enough to share even a few words.

next topic.

yesterday my parents brought home from grandpas a bunch of things, including the bible i gave him. at first it seemed as though he didnt open it at all...but one of the pieces of paper marking a verse was moved to genesis from psalms...maybe it just fell out...but the book mark had a verse on it to, and had i love you written on it. i know he read the alpha pamphlet. but yeah it was just sad to get it back. i miss him and my grandma so much. please pray lots for our family...that we make it through together and dont break apart.

next topic

i sooo need a job. i have my resume out at a lot of places, please pray i get something. but also know God is providing even though sometimes i feel im going to fall short, i always get a babysitting opportunity, or my mom gives me some...the money for my payments always comes from somewhere. i just would like to leave here and i cant do that without a job. also pray i can soon get my liscence.

thank you all for reading this huge blog. i love you.

friends

2007-04-12T23:58:00.000-04:00

so...sometimes you can convince yourself that no one cares. turns out someone prolly does. someone will be there praying for you every step of the way, someone will do anything they can to help you, someone wants to see you succeed, someone love you even when you think they dont...or when you think you dont want them to. sometimes its the person you least expect. God is so gracious.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

and even when we get scared or worried, even when we run as far off the path as we can posibly run...Hes there with us...arms open, holding us, carrying us, forgiving us, loving us, and welcoming us back when we once again find the correct path. its not a secret my life isnt exactly going smoothly, but i know He has a plan for me, i just had to refind the path. thank you to anyone who gave my a pull in the right direction. thank you for prayers(keep it up:)), thank you to the person who pulled the most and hasnt stopped. God is good people...lets not forget.

five interesting or unknown facts about me

2007-03-30T10:34:00.000-04:00

ok so i have been tagged by the beautiful nicki. she said she included me this time and if i dont do it she wont ever include me in anything ever again. so i had better do it! (haha nick i told you id put it in;))

1. my mom had to pick rocks out of my face after i fell out of a wagon i was riding down a hill at highspeeds:P(this wasn't the only time i had rocks picked from my flesh)

2. when i was little i made blue cookies, which were, if i remember, flour, white sugar and blue food colouring. oh, and i made my dad eat them;).

3. i used to play this game with my best friend sarah in grade 3, called jump dinky jump. ok so we named those old school pink erasers "dinky" and we'd bang on one end and make him jump across the table, and we'd say "jump dinky jump!" hahaha oh boy. the teacher eventually made us sit on opposite sides of the room, poor dinky couldnt jump that far.:(

4. i caught a crayfish with a flamming stick, threw him on the fire, waited until he was red, took him out and ate him;).

5. i won a fishing tournament when i was like 7...thats right, im awesome.

ok so like i tag....whos left ? lol ok shawn cuthill, jerry bolton, aj(just write it as a comment on my blog), val, and steve.

Love them like Jesus?

2007-03-24T10:37:00.000-04:00

ok, so where are we exactly? and what is it we are doing? does anyone care about anyone? probably not. do we just do missions to look good? im going to make a bold statement, Christians are the most selfish people i have ever met. they don't care about other people, they care A LOT what other people think of them, and they pretty much have their heads up their asses. you NEED to leave your church, your family, your school and your 3 closest friends in order to see the world. if you've never seen a drunk person, you probably aren't doing your "job". being a Christian does not mean snubbing nonChristians because they do "bad" things. news flash, everyone does bad things. it means being Christ like. it means going out into the world with the gospel, not hiding the gospel while you're hiding yourself from the big bad sinners out there who smoke pot and use the dreaded "fword". it doesnt mean we all have to fly to india, but it does mean we need to leave our comfort zones venture out, and actually meet a nonchristian. oh and here's a hint, dont be affraid of them, you have God on your side. im going to bring this further. Chtistians dont even love other Christians. how can they? they are too busy judging them for their sins and differences. when a Christian is struggling, for the most part other Christians snub them too..."wretched sinner" they say, "i would NEVER do what they do. its their own fault they are suffering." sound like you? probably. LOVE. weird concept... to actually LOVE people..."LOVE them like JESUS" . thats right, the one we are supposed to be modeling our selves after...He LOVES! here are a couple songs to think about. one Christian, one secular. read them CAREFULLY.

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
Never even met her
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
Get a job you fuckin' slob's all he replied

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like (X4)

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she swears god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]

I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked the baddest dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game

God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]
To have to lose...

so, you probably haven't read this far, but im goign to keep goign anyway, just incase. i realize the second song has swear words, get over it. you know he is talkign about YOU in that song. perhaps you wouldn't use the term "you fuckin' slob", but you probably wouldn't give him any money, food or water, and you certainly wouldn't admit you were at a liqure store. This is how the world sees you. judgmental, mean, probably evil, definately selfish. they dont see Jesus in you, why? not because its their fault they can't see it, but because its YOUR fault you don't show it. so, lets stop hiding our lights under baskets shall we? how about we STOP looking down our noses at everyone? heres a biggie, how about we dont bash people behind their backs? you are NOT better than me, or the alcoholic down the street, or the murderer who killed a little girl after molesting her. open your eyes, open your arms, and open your hearts. lift eachother up, and love your neighbour as your self, even if he swears, drinks and doesnt believe in God.here is another tough one, PRAY. if you read all yhis, i am very surprised, leave a comment.

stolen, but so good!

2007-03-06T13:14:00.000-05:00

Leonard Ravenhill quotes: stolen from steve bremner's blog.

"The Church used to be a lifeboat rescuing the perishing. Now she is a cruise ship recruiting the promising."
"Your doctrine can be as straight as a gun barrel-and just as empty!" (oh yes it can! saying it and living it are sooo different! so lets live it!)
"God pity us that after years of writing, using mountains of paper and rivers of ink, exhausting flashy terminology about the biggest revival meetings in history, we are still faced with gross corruption in every nation, as well as with the most prayerless church age since Pentecost." (yikes)
"You never have to advertise a fire. Everyone comes running when there's a fire. Likewise, if your church is on fire, you will not have to advertise it. The community will already know it." (you know what? i think it probably applies to our lives as well...if we are on fire for God...people are going to notice...we wont have to tell them. green thoughts are not stolen from steve:P)
"Some women will spend thirty minutes to an hour preparing for church externally (putting on special clothes and makeup, etc.). What would happen if we all spent the same amount of time preparing internally for church with prayer and meditation?" (imagine that...prayrfully preparing for church!)
"No man is greater than his prayer life. The pastor who is not praying is playing; the people who are not praying are straying. The pulpit can be a shop window to display one's talents; the prayer closet allows no showing off." (hmm...pray or stray? why do we pretend to pray, and then try to do things on our own? then we wonder why nothing works and we lose faith...duh nicole!)
"Everyone recognizes that Stephen was Spirit-filled when he was performing wonders. Yet, he was just as Spirit-filled when he was being stoned to death."(spirit filled in the hardest of times??imagine that! kinda goes along with "consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds..." no? so why do we feel sorry for our selves and whine and do everything BUT have joy?)
"Today’s church wants to be raptured from responsibility." (haha yeah...cuz its way easier!)

ok, so here's the thing people. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US? do we find our selves telling people we are Christians and they are like; " reallly? i never would have guessed it." or do people notice a difference in us....do they say thigns like "are you a Christian or something?" that would be so nice if people could know...well they should know. they should notice a difference in us. we are to be lights right? so why do we hide our lights under baskets? its crazy...we are being very selfish...we are hiding truth! or we bend the truth because we are affraid of offending people....even though the gospel is offencive to sinners(thats us too!). ok so what do we do? lets be our selves. our selves we know we should be! lets not trade in our values because things get hard, or because we are affraid! lets not give up prayer for video games or cocktails or anything else. lets live for God. and lets not be affraid...lets keep eachother accountable! i love you guys!

finally!

2007-03-04T01:35:00.000-05:00

well i dont have much to say, but i can finally update! actually thats all i have to say! hope all is well with everyone! i love you all:)

OH MY GOSH!!! I CAN ADD PICTURES NOW!! WOOOO!!! arent i pretty?:P

blogs, death, growth, a song and a poem.

2007-02-22T09:29:00.000-05:00

why does this rarely let me blog? why does it tell me i have to switch to google...then not let me? how do i do whatever it wants me to do? please someone...help!

so, my uncle died. heart attack. 53 years old. on my moms side of course... very difficult to deal with all these deaths..please keep praying for us.

i've been reading my Bible every day for the past week. i've also been having a lot of conversations with people...seemingly random and what once i would have considered normal...but now i see God is helping me to get back on track. i find it very interesting the people God chooses to help me, people i didnt know until a week ago, people i've never talked to about these things amd people i said id never trust again. God rips down walls and He builds bridges and the things we dont even know could happen, happen. when we are in our weakest darkest moment, there He is to pull us up even when we think we might like to stay down. praise the LORD and give thanks for everything and everyone He gives you. and if you love someone, you should prolly tell them. you never know when the last time you see them or talk to them is going to be.

Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads

All my memories gathered round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrop in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelinThat I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong
West Virginia, Mountain Mama
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, down country roads
Take me home, down counrty roads

- john denver

i remember life when life was more fun than sad. partties, and music, good food and laughs. i remember when she baked me cakes on my birthday and he read on Christmas eve. i remember the santa suit, and i remember raking leaves. i remember boxing day, and playing baseball, i remember the sweet maple smells in fall. i remember all those flamingos, and i remember backyard snow. i remember costumes and i remember jokes. i remember feelings and i remember words you spoke. i remember sitting on the back deck, and out front on hot days. i remember being carefree, like youd be there always. i remember when i heard the news...then heard the news again. knowing you were going to go, but not knowing when. i remember sitting with him, in the hospital waiting for him to get well. i remember sitting by the phone hearing that she fell. i remember each homecomming, hoping it was the last. i remember sitting there with her as each day and night went past. i remember the exhaustion, the worry and the fear. i remember the knowing...soon she wont be here. i remember being there when her suffering was no more. but mourning and crying there was no time for. i remember trying hard to keep myself germ free. i remember holding my breath and saying this cant be. i remember when he died, we begged him not to go. but his time had come and he left us all alone. i remember crying, cuz the tears dont really stop. i remember cryign cuz the tears dont really stop.

ill probably revise this a lot.

over so quickly..its so final.

2007-02-09T11:48:00.000-05:00

grandpa died last night. it sucked worse than i ever could have imagined. i want him back. peay for us...a lot cuz we are all shocked and soo sad. hes really gone.... the visitation is tuesday at 1 pm until 2 pm, then the little service then back to his house for a party...though now that they are both gone..it is so different. i havent slept in a really long time...i went to my brothers hockey game tonight...he got a hattrick...for grandpa.

having faith

2007-01-29T12:25:00.000-05:00

im goign to pour out my soul, if you dont like it, or plan on making fun of me...prolly dont read it.
so lately it seems my life just keeps getting crappier. i tried to have faith. i tried all last year and all summer when it felt like i was goign through absolute hell. turned out i failed pretty miserably and did some stupid stuff i will never be able to take back. i had faith all through my grandpa's illness....then my grandma got sick and died. ever go through someone's death feeling completely alone? and now...here i am 25, not married no job, and not so happy at home, but no way to leave, unless i want to live liek a 12 year old girl at bording school. people keep telling me to have faith...but these are people with lives that are happy. how do they know anything about having faith? what you have faith that God will...maintain your fabulous life? woopie. how can you tell someone to jsut have faith when you dont understand what faith is. people look down on me because i do not have faith...in reality i have as much faith as them, its jsut they aren't being tested...they dont have to 'have faith' because they have everythign they want. what would you do if you were living in a place with people who made it quite clear they dont want you, if you couldn't find a job and you had no way out? what woudl you do if the person you loved and trusted most in the world was someone you just messed up? if people all around you were sick and dying...if you were getting older and older and were still single even though you just feel like you were built to be a wife and a mother if your extended family looked at you as a failure because you are single...dont have a job and live at home...if you didn't fit in anywhere cuz the Christians think you are bad and the non Christians do things you don't want to do. what woudl you do? thats the advice i want. i dont want the advice to have faith from someone who doens't understand what exactly have faith means. im sure some people mean well, but i know most of you look down on me. im not less of a Christian because i struggle. and i dont want pitty, i want help...i want to knoo everything is goign to be ok. how do i know that? how do i have faith? when everything is going wrong how can i trust that someday something will go right? you tell me all i need is God...but, He made us social people, he gave us eachother to help us to grow, you tell me all i need is God, but i need friends too. i also need prayer. i'll prolly regret writing all this, i'll prolly get embarassed that you all know my personal life...but im stuggling and i need help. please dont just judge me, look down on me and think wow at least im not as messed up as her. im asking you for help...not for you to look down your noses at me. and i remember the verse consider it pure joy my brother's whenever you face trials of many kinds... but my question is how?

hmmm oops.

2007-01-24T14:43:00.000-05:00

i fear that face book may cause me to neglect blogigng! but here is a blog for ya'll who still read it:P everyone here is doing well. God is awesome and faithfull as always:P im sick..but meh...who isn't. im still looking for a job so please keep praying! i baby sat last night so i got to go in the hot tub...that was pretty sweet...rolle din the snow and got back in:P the boys liked it haha. i hope all is going well with everyone...sorry i have nothing profound to say.... though i guess i could talk a little bit about how i feel so content. God is awesome! im not so freaking out about things like i usually do. im like...happy...weird:P isn't it just sooo amazing how amazing God really is? its liek every morning i wake up and forget...then i am reminded everyday in a new way! glory be to my God, my Father, my King!

update

2007-01-11T16:33:00.000-05:00

ok so the doctor's a moron...wanted to put him in paletive care cuz of how sick he was last week....well...he beat that sick...its old news. grandpa is still doing great...welll feeling ok anyway. he is dying, but not today. thanks for the prayers. keep em comming:)

pray please

2007-01-10T01:42:00.000-05:00

hey everyone. my grandpas cancer doctor called a family meeting for thursday at 4 pm. family meetings with cancer doctors are never good. he has leukemia, hes had it a few years now and there is nothing else they can do for him. hes been on chemo pills for a while to try to keep the cancer cells sdown, but it keeps his other cells down too, so he has no immune system and could bleed to death easily. he has a lung infection right now, and is on antibiotics. please pray for him, for salvation and healing, and for our family. also pray the news will actually not be bad... just pray a lot please. my grandma has been gone 2 months today and thats still hard to deal with. she was 66 my grandpa is 67...so young, so sucky. so please pray for him and all of us. thank you so much, i love you all.

sheryl crow lyrics.

2007-01-06T23:44:00.000-05:00

"The First Cut Is The Deepest"

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worse...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
If you want I'll try to love again, (try)
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...
OOHHH,

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
But when it comes to lovin' me, he's worse...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cuz if you want I'll try to love again(Try to love again, try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know,

OOHHH....The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
When it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worse

OOHHH, the first cut is the deepest
Baby I know (baby I know)
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again...

Christmas

2006-12-28T11:58:00.000-05:00

well, for starters i'd like to say, i hope everyone had a fabulous, safe, and just plain wonderful Christmas. and now, i'd like to address an issue i have been thinking about. for Christmas i asked for one, simple practical present, did i get this present? yes, i did...but what else did i get? everything. i asked for a spice rack, i knew i was getting it, its very nice and i love it. but then on top of that my parents got me a digital camera, and an mp3 player, also soo many things like a blow dryer, and straightner, a game, clothes, candy, chocolate and other things. my brother got me a dvd player and a camera dock, my other brother got me pjs-2 sets, and the passion of the Christ dvd, amanda got me a sweet box of candles...big nice ones and makeup, mandy got me a rather expencive seeming scarf and mitts from garage, i got a necklace, towels, fuzzy socks, a massager, and other things from other friends and family...and im thinking...do i need all this stuff? dont get me wrong, im gratefull, i cant believe people spent this much on me. i love everything i GOT for Christmas, but do i need it all? even the spice rack i wanted so badly...did i really NEED it? every year its the same thing, people ask other people " what did you GET for Christmas?" is it all about the getting? should it even be about the giving? i have a friend who has spent all their money, and maxed out their cards and still felt they should have bought more...MORE. what is all this about? so, is all the giving a representation of what God gave us? He gave us a Saviour...so we give presents? if this is true..i guess i can understand, but God gave us what we needed and Christmas has become about giving what we think the person might WANT... i love Christmas, i think its fun, but how much is too much? do people really expect us to go deeply into debt to get them that new game system, the extra clothes, and the chocolates? Christmas is fun, and i like all the things all these wonderful people gave me, and i hope they like what i gave them too. i know nothing will change next year, people will still spend, people will still get what they WANT, but maybe we can think about the amazing gift God gave us, the gift thats worth so much more than a playstation or an mp3 player or even a new lap top, Jesus. the greatest gift of all folks...the only one we really NEED, and no one can top it, not even with their credit cards. thank you LORD, my salvation, my all in all, my favorite gift.

update

2006-12-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

...its almost Christmas, thats fabulous! i need a job please pray for me. avery found his christmas present today lol a buzz lightyear video game:S lol but at least he likes it. umm..oh my dad has high cholesteral...weird cuz hes skinny, but they said its genetic, diet cant control it...sooo yeah yet another thing im prolly going to die of:P anyway...ok somy parents anniversary party was a big success:) thats good since it was pretty much my grandmas dying request:S. we had them a little second wedding and it was sooo fun:) grandma has been gone for a month and 3 days now im finally starting to be ok....and least oker:) i miss her incredibally...its crazy..and grandpa is so sick too...its scarey. we are having Christmas pretty much the same as normal...so thats something to look forward to except for we will all miss grandma sooo much. anyway i hope all is well with you all:) please keep us in your prayers:) and remember to keep Jesus number one this Christmas, after all it is His birthday celebration:) and He is awesome!

big word bull...

2006-11-28T23:00:00.000-05:00

why do people use big words to describe things? why do so called "thinkers" really just come up with a long way of saying something people already know? and what is philosophy? i was recently sent this message

"been reading a great bk by martin buber "i and thou" ..... a classic philosophy/religion text...on connectedness:"Egos appear by setting themselves apart from other egos.Persons appear by entering into relation to other persons.One is the spiritual form of natural differentiation, the other that of natural association.The purpose of setting oneself apart is to experience and use, and the purpose of that is "living" - which means dying one human life long.The purpose of relation is the relation itself - touching the You. For as soon as we touch a You, we are touched by a breath of eternal life." p.112-3i like many things here...for e.g. that it is the relation that is key....not what it is "producing", what i am "getting" "out of IT", etc. But rather - it is the inter-act-i-on that is the "goal" [not that that is the goal] - to KNOW another, to know one-self, and ones-self...and the relation between these.But I see little of that today - rather it's treating the other like a he/she/it/object - looking for full-fill-ment from the other, and when that doesn't "produce", anxiety results, and either anger or withdrawal comes forth or "is produced".thots?"

now, what the heck?? my thought...who cares? thats right who cares. all those words to say what...ask not what they can do for you but what you can do for them? mm hmm...put others b4 your self...ok... touching the "YOU" LOL yeah ok if you touch my "YOU" i'll smack you. good grief...can anyone make sense of this? cuz all i think is...hey whitey stop thinking, go outside, play ball and get a tan!... theses "thinkers" sure think they are smart...but are they? think if the wrote an essay, a normal persons would be 6 pages, theirs would be 400 just cuz they feel the need to share their "genius thoughts". yeah...smart? or trying too hard?

2006-11-22T11:53:00.000-05:00

hurt by johnny cash

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

she is gone.

2006-11-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

its all over now. grandma passed this morning at 4. death seemed so peacefull after all the painfull dying. still its so very sad. only 66. please keep my family in your prayers. the memorial is monday visitation at 1 pm until 2, and then the service and to the cemetary and back to grandpa's house after. the visitation is at nisbetts in peterborough. thank you for your prayers.

also:
God's plans never mess us up. its when we confuse our plans with His and thikn our are better. they never are. i know God is in control, and even though it hurts really bad to know my grandma isn't here, i trust God was fair with her, and i know that she had alot of prayers, and heard His Word a lot over the past month. i miss my grandma terribly, infact it doens't feel real, like at the time it felt like maybe she was just sleeping, or like it wasn't her and she was gogin to walk into the room. but God has kept me strong. God is amazing, and gives us exactly what we need. i am so glad i was there with her when she died. plese keep praying for us.

grandparents and good friends

2006-11-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

ok i'll start with my grandma, she is on a morphine pump now for pain, the pills weren't cutting it anymore. she is still going down hill, so keep her and our family in your prayers.

my grandpa, well there is nothing else they can do for him now. he is on chemo pill, but eventually the cancer will just smash through the chemo pill and keep growing. the doctor told him to live everyday like its his last because it very well could be. this is very very hard. he has done so well, but there is jsut nothing else they can do now. on the bright side, he got his fake teeth, and he looks very handsome:) he even got a new hat, a flat top kind, its so cute:) please keep him in your pryaers as well.

i also thought i'd add thet my cousin totalled her mom's car last night, rolled it...but her and her friend are ok :) thank the LORD:)

now the good friends part. i was talking to jilly today:) i love her, memories are so fabulous! i love all of my friends, and i am so glad you are part of my life, even if i dont get to see you often, i appreciate you greatly:) thank you so much for your prayers, and for all the memories we have shared:) i am very fortunate to have met all of you. (hugs)

update

2006-11-01T00:17:00.000-05:00

ok, so...life hasn't been easy. watching someone slowly die is horrible. my grandma is soo sick. she doesn't have much time left. she rambles about stuff and makes no sense. i stayed there last night and she woke me up a lot. she woke me up at 6 am yelling because she said she needed water...but i think it was just because she wanted to make sure someone was there. its so crazy. she wants me to stay there everynight, though i am not sure if i will. it is a scarey thought to think i could be there alone with her when she dies. the faither healer was in tehre yesterday...that was interesting. just please pray for me and for my family. i am terrified to be there alone with her, but i have to if they need me, because i couldn't possibly be more affraid of wathcing her die than she is of dying. i am so stressed out, and i can't even imagine what its goign to be like when she goes...its just...not cool to think about even though i woudl rather her go soon because she is in a lot of pain, she isn't with it, she can bearly swallow, and she doens't have bowel movements anymore. i know GOD IS IN CONTROL. but im still scared...so please pray for me, and for my family that is going to be completely devestated when she goes, especailly for my grandpa because he has leukemia, and although he looks great and all they don't know what to do with him so pleade pray for more treatments and that he can make it through her death. ach that sucks to even say. just please pray a lot.

on a bright note, i have been reading "the hiding place" by corrie tenboom, and i woudl reccomend it to EVERYONE. its amazing, just absolutely amazing. thank you all for everything(hugs)

i like this band a lot now.

2006-10-14T02:37:00.000-04:00

HINDER LYRICS
"Lips Of An Angel"

honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweetComing from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweetComing from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
honey why you calling me so late?

2006-10-02T20:27:00.000-04:00

updating is hard, thats why i don't do it. i was living at my grandparent's house, taking care of my grandma, but she is in the hospital now...which is sad. a man died when i was there today and it was like a preview of whats to come. she just slept the whole time and twitched a lot, and in her sleep said "i'm home". so horrible. she doesn't eat now, so it wont be too much longer before she dies...and i don't know how any of us are goign to deal with that especially my deathly ill grandfather. please keep us all in your prayers. this is so hard. i dont even want to write any of it down cuz it makes it very real. honestly im scared. just pary for my family, and please also pray for my relationship with God which for like 2 months was non existant. im doing a bit better now, at least i care now, and want to change, and live for Him again, but i know i can't do it alone, i need him to help me A LOT. so please pray:) and thank you all for all your prayers. and for your love, i love you guys. hmm i should put somethign good in here too...although me wanting to live for God again is super good, ok good, me and my mom are getting along pretty well now, since i stayed with grandma my parents keep telling me they are proud of me, and my dad told my brother he is giving me the car so thats cool:)

P.S. HOW DO I ADD LINKS AND PICTURES TO MY BLOGS? I TRIED BUT I JSUT DON'T GET IT!! PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!

p.p.s. sometimes when you think things are just about you, God sends a little someone your way, and you can't help but smile.:) thanks girlie, for trusting me.

pray time please

2006-09-09T12:33:00.000-04:00

things are just getting really hard, and everything is confusing. i dont think i have every felt so many emotions at once before. my grandma has about a month left i think, and so thats rough. also all my emotions about other people and other things, my grandpa being so sick, and my brother almost dying, and amanda and jeffrey breaking up, and some other things....its just too hard. everything seems too hard. i think i have pretty much just given up because i just cant deal with things alone anymore. so please pray for me, and for my family because they are so stressed out trying to make all the final arrangements with my grandma and cleaning out the house and stuff. pretty much right now nothing means anything, i often hate everything and everyone, and i don't even cry anymore its just like...fine i give up. i have a hard time trusting anyone anymore...at all...and so thats proving to be a huge challenge right now. i have no idea what i want to do with my life, i have no job right now, and most days i don't even want to go out of my room. i have noticed that i really care what people think now, and that bothers me a lot. it like actualy makes me sad when people don't like me...even if their reasons are retarded. i feel totally inadequate. i never felt like this before, i coudn't have cared less what people thought of me. it just feels like everything is caving in around me, and i just don't care enough to fight anymore. i just give up. and i feel stupid all the time. so plese pray for me.

yet another reason to not have kids?

2006-08-30T15:44:00.000-04:00

"i think when the woman gets her period, and then the man goes over and has sex with her...im just guessing" that is a quote from my 7 year old cousin....ha....explaining sex and babbies to my 10 year old cousin today... they thought today is the day we should know about sex and babbies... so i was asked sooo many questions...i tried chaning the subject many times, and it finally worked after what felt like forever! even the 3 year old had imput...they are farmers so they have seen calves be born, and lucas said, "the baby comes out of the cows bum"...good grief....why do people have kids? they jsut get lice and wanna' know about sex:S:S ha...ok well maybe i still want them...but man....you thik lice are bad val....wait until the sex questions start....like "does the boys weinner go in the girls weinner"? ahhhhh what the heck do ya' say to that? i of course laughed and went and called my mother:S.

lice: a good reason to not have children.

2006-08-26T00:41:00.000-04:00

well my aunts kids got lice. and since im home with them allll day long, i had to be the one picking dirty nasty little bugs and eggs out of their hair....how freaking nice for me. i don't even have kids yet...and sitll i had to pick lice. so, i smell. thats right i smell. like tea tree oil, it repels them. so i washed my hair in it. also....its killer on your hair, but at least i dind't get lice, and i am pretty sure i got rid of the kids. when i left tonight there wasn't a nit i could see...go me...super babysitter. so, i put olive oil, for 2 hours, then picked out bugs nad nits, and then washed it with dish soap and then with tea tree oil shampoo with extra drops added. them little nasty bugs had better be dead out of the kids hair...i did that 2 days in a row...oh how fun...joy! ok so, people who want to be parents someday....remember...lice are out there....so don't let your kids have friends....they jsut give them bugs. and remember how sad it is to hold a three year olds head under the faucet while he is balling his eyes out...and remember you ahve to pick bugs while he balls his eyes out....poor little fella's. ok, so maybe its still worth it to have kids....but it is pretty icky. i am home now though, and in a lice free zone, still smelling, and no longer picking bugs! for the record...rachel was right...they are the size of seseme seeds...ew. hope you all are doing well. :)

terrific job!

2006-08-14T16:53:00.000-04:00

KILL-FLOOR Person required, will train. Serious applicants only need apply in person. Little Britain Meat Packers or call 705-786-2101. Fax application to 705-786-2151.

the coolest job posting ever. i stumbled accross it while looking for a job...lol how hilarious!

2006-08-11T01:56:00.000-04:00

so, do you ever get into a situation where you have to defend God, and you suddenly realize what a horrible hypocrit you are? yeah well that was me tonight. so in light of this situation, i ask for prayers for myself, and the person i was talking with, and i would like to leave you with these lyrics:

Kutless - Draw Me Close Lyrics
Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
Help me find a way to bring me back to you
[Chorus:]
You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want,
Help me know you are near
You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause no one else
Can take you place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find a way to bring me back to you
[Chorus:]
You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want,
Help me know you are near

also please pray for my grandparents still. grandpa is in TO having an experimental drug because his cancer is back and he can't take anymore chemo, and my grandma could die any day i think....i mean i would guess her to have a month left, but...i don't know...they don't leave her alone anymore...so please pray for my family, and for their salvation. thank you.

update

2006-07-31T00:23:00.000-04:00

well this week was fairly brutal. first off, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. this was monday and he was just toatlly wrecked. he was balling his eyes out while laying on my mom's bed with my mom holding him. this was something i hadn't seen before....and its not like we don't know loss, a lot of our friends have died but i have never witnessed a reaction like this from him before. i of course balled my eyes out a lot. i love her so much and her 3 year old son, and i missed them the second i found out. they are now, back together. the breakup only lasted a couple of days, and they were back together friday evening. i have a feeling things will be better now than ever, because she is oging to talk to him instead of push him away wehn things aren't right. so then i got to stop crying and my blood pressure returned to normal. and today i got to see her and give her a big hug...man i love that girl. anyway, on wednesday we found out that my grandma only has maybe a month, or maybe more to live...not long anyway. the cancer had gone crazy in her and spread everywhere, including more on her liver. she is taking a chemo pill that will hopefully shrink the big ones enough to make her more comfortable so that she can die with a little less pain. that seems kinda' sucky to me...pretty freaking sad. anyway, things are looking a bit better here now, aside from my grandma. my grandpa will be taking some sort of experimental cancer drug in a couple weeks. he will be the first man in canada to get it so thats pretty cool. please keep them and us in your prayers. anyway i hope all your lives are going well. keep growing:) love you all.

thanks

2006-07-29T22:36:00.000-04:00

thank you if anyone prayed.

prayer please

2006-07-25T21:47:00.000-04:00

my family is going through some really difficult things right now...please pray for us...a lot...please, especially my brother who is 21, as well as my grandparents, thank you.

baby st john has arrived!

2006-07-11T09:58:00.000-04:00

well julie had her baby! it was a boy of course, and i assume his name is still dradon. he weighed 10 pounds!!! they induced her yesterday morning cuz they knew he was goign to be big, and he just wasn't comming out so they did a c section last night after 10 sometime. its pretty exciting he is the first gret grandchild in our family. anyway i am at my aunt's house baby sitting, i'll prolly have more to update on thursday night when i get home. hope you are all doing well, and enjoying your summers.

summer fun

2006-07-09T14:12:00.000-04:00

well, this summer is shaping up to be interesting if nothing else. grandma will be starting chemo soon i think, unless its too late. grandpa is starting his new drug, but first they are pulling out all his teeth. julie still hasn't had her baby, he is a week and a day overdue. i will be at jane's house for most of the summer....pretty much everyday, its supposed to be babysitting, but in reality its making breakfast and lunch for the kids and dinner for the whole family, cleaning, laundry, baking, and the last day i was there last week she handed me this itinerary for an expencive kids camp, and asked me to do all the things with her kids that they would have been doing at camp. :S 3 boys 3, 7, and 10. working there and living there all week is just crazy and it drains me of every bit of energy i have. except that, someone asked my mom if i would put my resume in at a restaurant here. so my mom said yes i would. so if i get this job i would be working there every day that i am not working at jane's likely. so basically i will be working 24 hours a days for 3-5 days a week, and then i will come home and go to work someplace else....is it just me or does this seem crazy? oh and before i forget, my aunt still hasn't paid me for the last week, and one day for the week before that, so i still have zero dollars. pretty sure this is going to be the worst summer ever. hope everyone else has time to take a shower and a deep breath, cuz i sure don't.

my cooking adventure

2006-06-28T19:34:00.000-04:00

well today i got bored, and so i decided to make chicken curry. then of course i thought well....cant eat it without naan! so today i made chicken curry and naan! i had to make the curry with noe recipe cuz i couldnt find one i liked, but it turned out fabulous! a little spicey but i took one of my pills and some tums lol and after a lot of pain it eventually felt better LOL. i made so much but have no one to share with:( thats ok though. the point is i can make it and naan! lol next time i'll try roti! anyone else have any ideas? :) hope things are well with everyone:) my dad is doing well:) i am too. keep praying for my family please.

daddy update

2006-06-19T23:46:00.000-04:00

well my dad is doing a lot better now. he is starting to deal with it, and doens't seem to be as upset, though he still thinks he can just not have it anymore:(. tonight i let him test my blood, it was scarey but i know it made him feel good so i did it. we got him some diabetic ice cream today too, so thats good. and the doctor said today that he doens't have to up his insulin dose. so he is doing it twice a day and 10 of whatever measurment it is. i found a bunch of recipes, so thats cool. please continue to keep him in your prayers, and the rest of my family, along with amanda and her dad. thank you all so much. and a special thank you to the person i didn't think read these, and thnak you for the call:) you are a good friend. its true what people say about when you go through hard times you find out who your true friends are, and so thank you pal:) i love you all(hugs).

my daddy.

2006-06-16T11:44:00.000-04:00

well life as i know it is about to change again. today we found out my dad has type one diabetes. i don't even fully know what that means. all i know is that the doctor said he can't work today he has to come home, and that home care is comming this afternoon. i also know it means after i stab him a few times i guess i will stop crying at the sight of needles:(. please pray for my dad, he is very very very upset. for those of you who know him you know he is in tip top shape, and has very little body fat. i know that has nothing to do with type one, but it was at least feel like its justified if he was fat. just please keep us in your prayers. and pray that nothing else bad happens to us...this is getting crazy.

please also pray for my brother's gf amanda as her dad will be passing away soon.

2006-06-14T19:10:00.000-04:00

well grandpa's cancer is back. so i guess that both of my grandparents each only have a couple months left. they are going to put my grandpa on a new drug from the states in 3 weeks...but yeah....they have have great success they say. its fairly depressing... but julie's baby will be born soon and that should lift some spirits. please keep praying for my family.

despite everything that is going on, i think i am doing fairly well. i feel like i am growing closer to God and am just doing well. i know He is in control.

julie and adam update

2006-06-10T09:32:00.000-04:00

so, this morning i found out that good old walmart, that so many of you for some reason hate, has handed adam a check for over 10, 000$. this of course does not include cards of employees which surely will contain money and shopping cards. half of this money is the money they raised through there bbq, their shopping spree jar, their craft sale, and the other thing i forget what it was. the other half of this check came from walmart's head office who promised to match what walmart peterborough had raised. oh, as well as about 1000$ of it came from other walmart stores who jsut wanted to help out. walmart has also donated some furniture and other things to julie and adam. also, people have been dropping off everything that they need, and had before the fire to her mom's house, where they are staying for right now. to me it is only logical that they will use the money to put a down payment down on a house, or at least some of the money. this is because most of their things have been replaced, and those things that haven't been can be by family and friends. adam is back to work now i think, or will be starting monday, or sometime soon. your prayers are definately still needed as they still do not have a place to live, but still have to pay rent on their appartment because they could not get out of their lease which runs out in augest. they are living with my aunt right now, but my aunt has a huge huge dog, half doverman and half rotwiler. this dog is constantly jumping up on julie who is very pregnant and adam with his burnt hands. the stupid thing also takes food off the counter and stove, and has learned how to open doors. they feel and i agree it is not safe to have a baby in that house, which means of course, once the baby comes they have no place to put him. so please pray that they can find a place to live, and that everything with the baby turns out well. she is due in 21 days. and to those of you who hate walmart, would your place of employment raise and handover so much money to you?

men.

2006-06-05T11:40:00.000-04:00

why is it that only the weirdest of weirdo's ever like me? guys, if you live 800 billion hours away, or if you are a tree hugger, if you are a druggie, or a plain old weirdo,if you have done hard time, or are going to do hard time, please i am begging you, reconsider before developing a thing for me, even before you decide to hit on me. please know that if you talk to me, i will want to smack you. as unChristian as that is, i jsut can't take it anymore. i mean really...who wants to save the whales anyway? nuke 'em.

well...

2006-05-27T22:07:00.000-04:00

"hey nicole, how are you?" hmmm where should i start?
how about last weekend, may 24 long weekend...well, i was at aunt jane's house for thursday night-saterday night. i guess that would seem normal enough...except that saterday monring there was a super bad car accident on her lawn and a man died....and the kids saw as they were outside. the man stayed in the car on the lawn for 3 or 4 hours. then the corener came and the police took pictures. then as we were eating our burgers they finally started tryign to get him out, and ironically enough they had to use the jaws of "life".the kids are fairly messed up due to this incodent.
well then that evening i finally get to go home as the road has reopened. that night justin and his friends dalton and cody all stayed at their friend jakes house. at 1:10 am, while everyone was sleeping, there was a break and enter. the crazy man went to justin and dalton's room, woke them up by jumping on them and punching them in their heads, and kept them there for over an hour, telling them they have had life too easy and they need to suffer like he has. and trying to get them to go down to the river with him, while he was threatening them with a pair of pliars. the boys kept the man as calm as they could by talkign to him and asking him questions about himself, which is also how they found out his name and where he was staying. after he left the room he said he would be back, then went through the kitchen and the cupboards, and the fridge, and stole beer, and chocolate milk. after a while justin and dalton felt safe enough to wake up jake and cody, and together they woke up jake's parents, and ivy called 911. the man is being charged with break and enter, assult, and assult with a deadly weapon.
so then the week went pretty well, oh wait...did anyone hear about that appartment fire on brock street down town peterborough? oh, well there was one, yep. it was my pregnant cousin julie, and he fiance' adam's appartment. it was electrical. the smoke alarm of course, did not work. the only reason they woke up, was because the baby was kickign and kicking and so julie woke up and when she opened her eyes she couldn't see and at first she thought it was her eyes, then she realized it was smoke, and she woke up adam. he ran out into the rest of the appartment, and as soon as he opened the door the bedroom filled with smoke. he yelled at julie that they had to get out and as he was feeling his way out he bumped into a wall and has second degree burns on his hands, which may require surgery, he also has first degree burns on his face and ears. other than that and inhaling a lot of smoke which caused them to be on oxygen for 6 hours, they are all ok. the cats died, and the bird died, but the turtles are alive. everything is the appartment is gone, either burnt or destroyed by smoke. julie isn't dealing well at all. she isn't eating(not good since she is due in 34 days) and she is crying all the time. wal-mart(where adam is a manager) had a bbq todya nd i think tomorrow for them, and have jars set up in the stores to raise money for them, and 2 other walmarts from other places have donated 500$ each to them.
today i found out that my grandma may only have a couple months to live, not the year or two that was once expected.
please keep my family in your prayers, especially julie and adam and the baby. please also pray for the man who caused the accident at my aunt's house. he is only 24, and he faces a lot now that this has all happened.
to answer my own question from the start, "i am doing well:) God is in control, and He saved adam and julie and the baby from a fire, my brother from a psycho, and my cousins from being hit by the car that smashed onto their front lawn, only meters from them. praise God!"
thank you all for reading, and for your prayers.

update

2006-05-15T08:13:00.000-04:00

well, last week my mom had a doctors appointment with a doctor whos job it is to diagnose weird things. so, we found out she has a weird strain of chronic fatigue syndrom. is this better or worse than ms? who knows? at least she has answers now, and she has learned there is nothing they can do to help her, except she can stay on celexa to help because chronic fatigue syndrom has to do with nerves.

on wednesday both of my grandparents have doctor's appointments again. grandma goes to st joe's in ptbo' to an oncologist to find out if there is anymore he can do for her to help prolong her life longer than the year she has been given. grandpa goes to princess margeret in TO. last time no cancer cells showed up in his bone marrow, however since they have the ability to hide he could very well have his cancer back. it would be so awesome if he went there and was told his blood was going back up on its own now that he is off the glevax(new cancer drug). please be praying that both of my grandparents get good news on wednesday.

i am doing ok. i am still not exactly healthy, but am better. i have a couple more appointments left and hopefully i am better by then, if not i have to go on pills. please be praying for me as well. i really don't wnat to have to take medication everyday for the rest of my life. spiritually i am doing a lot better. it is sad though that it takes going through hard times for me to realize i need God. why couldn't i have just realized before? it feels as though i have wasted so much time. its nice having belinda home. i miss her when she is away at school. i actually have someone to go for walks with now, its so yay!
thank you all for your prayers and i hope things are going well for you all.

its a great day to be alive

2006-05-07T23:54:00.000-04:00

i had a great day today:) God is awesome, and he puts amazing people in our lives. Thank you LORD! i am so thankful for my friends. i am sorry if i haven't made you all realize how much i really appreciate you. i hope you all are living your lives for God, and that you are praying for me to live mine for Him as well:)

my brother's friend's dad has cancer. he goes to kingston on wednesday. he has a huge farm and 5 kids age 10-19. please keep him in your prayers, his name is john. also please continue to pray for my grandparents, and my cousin, and my friend's mom with breast cancer. thank you!

an old friend, a new start?

2006-05-06T23:08:00.000-04:00

yesterday i went to pick up a few groceries with my mom in peterborough. as we were going to the check out i hear a voice i rcognize yell hey hows it going? i turned around and saw him, it took me a second to realize who it was, but when i did i was slightly shocked, but was glad to see him. it was my best friend from when i was younger. his name is adam bell. we were inseperable when we were younger, and did so much together, he was a year younger than me, but got much higher marks. he was also an amazing hockey player. when i was in grade 6, and he in grade 5 adam started doing drugs. weed at first of course, i remember one day he was really sick on the bus because he had had too much so i sat with hima nd took care of him. he started hanging out with boys in my grade, and started drinking and smoking. by about grade 7 he was in to drugs pretty badly. he dropped out of school second semester of grade 9, after skipping most of the first semester. this is when our friendship really ended. he started dong heavier drugs, and pretty frequently, speed i believe was the first heavy drug he got into. the next year something bad happened between us, and thats when i realized the adorable little boy who wore track suits and glasses, and loved the pitsburg penguines had passed, and this other boy had taken over his body. at that point i begged him to stop what he was doing, and to change for himself, but he was more into what his "friends" thought of him. he always wanted to be cool. i guess you could say he is popular now...he is wanted at least, by the police that is. he has been on the run for a few years now, i can't say where. this is why i was shocked to see him. he doesn't come back to hastings now, cuz he would be murdered because he was a cocain dealer and screwed over a lot of people, who would love to see him dead, and who wouldn't be affraid to kill him. he looks amazing now. i know he isn't on drugs anymore. i couldn't believe how wodnerfull he looked, it made me smile. he had a sparkle back in his eye, and i could tell because he actually looked me in the eye for the first time in many many years. he has made a good life for himself where he is living. he has a good job, and is even getting married, apparently soon. i am proud of him for turning his life around. and i hope he doesn't get caught by the cops, cuz i nkow there are people waiting for him in jail, people who are already in there so why do they care if they kill him. he dind't do anything really bad, just a lot of little things, and then this whole running thing, which i understand he had to do. i love my friend very much, no matter what he did to me, to anyone else, or to himself. please pray that God saves him, and his fiance. i forget her name. adam was really the first one in this town to get into really heavy drugs, but now they run rampid. i hugged adam, and i congratulated him on getting married. i know he knows the hug said more than that. he knows i love him and am proud of him. i am glad God brought us together yesterday.

who can beat this thing cancer?

2006-05-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

"where would i be...what would i do if you werent here?" "you'll never have to worry about that."

well they are taking my grandpa off the glevax. they think the leukemia is back, even though they have found no blast cells, cuz sometimes they hide. so that news sucks bad. also, grandma hasn't heard from the other cancer doctor, which i think means that there is nothing more they can do. and that sucks too. but on top of that, my cousin on the same side of the family has his white cells very very high, which signals cancer, or another serious disease. he is having tests done on his stomach and bowels. he is the the only cousin i have older than me, he is 29. my mom and her sisters are being tested for the type of cancer their mom and grandmother have or died from, and if even one of them has it then all of us grandkids will be involved in genetic testing...whatever that means. please keep my family in your prayers. a long time ago, when my grandpa first foun out he has leukemia, he started a journal, and i remember on one page he wrote on the top "i will beat this thing cancer". what is this thing cancer anyway? and can anyone ever really beat it?

:)

2006-05-04T00:09:00.000-04:00

how can i not smile? :)

love story explaination

2006-04-28T23:53:00.000-04:00

its about my brother and his gf. i thought their story was beautiful, so i wrote about it. she has a 2 year old son, avery he is very cute. i'm a little bit sick please keep me in your prayers:)

a love story

2006-04-25T09:57:00.000-04:00

The very first moment I saw you your eyes were shining as the bright moon, my heart fluttered, and then sank. As I watched him sleeping I knew I could never have you. I love him, but I hated that I couldn’t have the happiness I had dreamed of. Then one day I saw in your smile something I hadn’t seen before, and I thought maybe...just maybe your heart had fluttered too. You started coming around more and more and before I knew it I was totally swept up in you, and he got to come too. I started to see how much you loved us both, and again my heart sank. You are so amazing, too good for me, but so good for him. Rivers poured from my face and I broke down and told you to go. But then as I looked up from my sobs, I saw you were sobbing too. You didn’t want to go you wanted to stay, you love me and you love him, and we love you. Life is different now, we are us, three of us, and now when I go through the hard times, I never have to go alone again. Every moment I see you your eyes shine as bright as the moon and my heart flutters.

The very first moment I saw you your eyes were shining as the bright moon, my heart fluttered and then sank. As I watched you I knew you were too busy to be with me. Your love him, could there be any left for me? Then one day I saw in your smile something I hadn’t seen before, and I thought maybe...just maybe your heart fluttered too. I started to come around more and before I knew it I was totally swept up in you, in both of you. I started to love you both like I have never loved before. But then you started to be distant. Here was this beautiful thing I had wanted for so long and it was slowly moving away. I knew you didn’t want me anymore. Then one day you started sobbing, rivers were pouring from my eyes, it hurt me to see you like that and I sobbed too. I never want to go, I always want to stay, I love you and I love him, and I know you both love me too. Life is different now, we are us, three of us, and now when we go through the hard times, neither of us ever has to go alone again. Every moment I see you your eyes shine as bright as the moon and my heart flutters.

:)

2006-04-23T23:29:00.000-04:00

God is awesome! although my grandparents are both so sick, and i am giong through a bit of a rough patch myself, all i can say is God is awesome. ever notice how amazingly He takes care of you when you need Him to? how you can be in a situation you would consider terrible and just know that you are goign to be ok, and you know that because God is in control. let go of the bad things you hold on to and give them to Him, He will take care of you guarenteed:) thank you LORD! thank you for my smile:) thank you for everything you give me every day! thank you for holdin gme and my future in your hand and thank you for having a good and perfect plan for my life!

cancer cancer everwhere.

2006-04-20T10:44:00.000-04:00

i think i hate blogs now. there is jsut too much cancer in mine. ok, well my grandpa had his check up at princess margret in TO yesterday, and his counts were all low. so normally this would automatically mean the leukemia is back, however because he is on the experimental drug glevax, and they don't know enough about it to say for sure or not, it coule be the drug pulling his counts down, only 20 people are on the drug, and 1 has died thus far. there are no blast cells(cancer cells) in his blood which is good, but they took a bone marrow sample yesterday and we will know if it is cancer or not on monday or tuesday. so please be praying it isn't the leukemia back, and its just the effects of the drug he is on to treat the cancer.

also, apparently there is an oncologist who will be seeing my grandma, her doctor refered her to him to see if there is anymore he can do. please pray there is. but even if there isn't its so nice that they are trying so hard. often times they just say we are sorry there is nothing we can do and thats that. also, my grandma's roommate was a christian so thats awesome!

well thats enough cancer for today. i hope you all are doing well, and please remember to pray!

a prayer

2006-04-15T00:16:00.000-04:00

"Father God, may I never forget to call on you in every situation. I want to call on you every day of my life and bring before you my adoration, confession, thanksgiving and suplication..." (Emilie Barnes, 15 minutes alond with God). i read this tonight, and it really means something to me, cuz as i have found in the past, i often don't go to God first in situations, i am learning though, and last time something good happened to me God was the one i wanted, thanked, and was happy with:) thank You LORD for helping us to change!

grandma was feeling better today a bit. if everything stays smooth she goes home tuesday. hopefully i get to see her tomorrow!

my cousin broke his leg and so might be comming here for me to take care of him cuz his mom has to help with grandma. please pray for him as well, he has to go in for leg surgery next week, and had finally found a job and loved it. he has had a tough life. his dad isn't very nice to him. he was at his dad's house when he broke his leg, and his dad told him if he was stupid enough to break his leg he can find his own way to the hospital. the next day he started getting sick, and so he called his mom to come in and take him. :S:S his whole life his dad has treated him like this. he also has a drug problem, so please pray about that. also pray that God will help me to talk to him about God if he comes here to stay a few days, which i really hope he does.

God is good!

2006-04-13T10:59:00.000-04:00

well i was supposed to go see my grandma today, but it got changed to tonight....and so i can't go because i have choir practice:( if the next available time i can go see grandma falls on our other choir practice, saterday, i will skip that practice. at least i get to go grocery shoppign today.

last night i had an amazing night. i got to see how faithful God is, and is was so amazing! He knows us so well, He knows what we need, and when we need it. thank You LORD!
Proverbs 27:1
"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."

I think it can also work with do not dread tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
Why are we scared? we don't know what God has planned for us tomorrow! He is amazing and faithful, and isn't out to get us. He has a plan for our lives and its in accordance with His goos and perfect will, so we relaly have no need to fret!

thank you all for your prayers, please keep praying for my grandma, and please pray that i know what to say when i see her. xo

grandma

2006-04-10T19:46:00.000-04:00

well...she survived the surgery. the got as much as they could. there is still some cancer in her liver and small intestine and something about lymphnodes. he said she has a year, maybe 2. so thats super sad...just keep her in your prayers please.

life

2006-04-10T09:28:00.000-04:00

when life get hard and scarey, where shall i turn? when my fears over take me and the pain is unbearable, how do i cope? when my heart and tummy hurt, when emptiness fills me up, where do i look for help? "I will lift up my eyes to the hills-from whence comes my help? my help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1,2.

my grandma has her surgery today, please keep her in your prayers.

update

2006-04-09T00:32:00.000-04:00

ok, well easter was interesting today. it was sad because grandma looked to sad and scared and so i almost cried a couple of times. it was happy because my cousin is very pregnant now, and looks so beautiful. and it was weird cuz my cousin jenna brought a friend who is a slightly round girl with a larg chest and who was wearing a SKIN TIGHT STRAPLESS SHIRT.....to meet our family...including our grandparents in....it was the most horrible/hillarious sight i have seen in a while. strange girl... it was a bbq, and we took lots of pictures...so that part was fun. and it was nice enough that we could sit on the back deck in the sunshine.

after easter at grandma's we came home and i went out with my friend victoria. we went to the movies in cobourg and saw ice age 2 hahahahaha soooo wonderful, i highly reccomend it! highly! i think i'd go again! any takers? hehe . on our way home we saw balloons stuck to a sign...well...we turned around an di went to get the balloons(yes i know bad nicole) anyway i couldn't pull them off, it was like 20 lb test fishing line....so....i CHEWED through...yeah...thats right...right there on the side of the road...lol then we drove home...and to the gas station with balloons in the back seat...i left them in the kitchen with a note for my mom saying i did it for her...haha.

so then, i got home and had a proverbs date with sarah. i love those dates. its such an amazing book...like the rest of the Bible. i really appreciate the time i spend with her though, she is a good friend, and its always nice to grow closer to God with a friend by your side to help you out and keep you accountable and be prayign for you.

grandma's surgery is still on monday as far as we know. she got an infection in her arm from the last iv she got and so she is on super antibiotics right now, but its clearing up fast and so surgery should be a go. please be praying for her, her surgery is at noon on monday, and last about 2 hours. please pray that they don't find any other cancer in her, and that she pulls through. thank you all so much for your continued prayers. :)

easter

2006-04-05T23:38:00.000-04:00

well, since grandma has surgery on monday, we are having our family easter this weekend. its strange...it seems like only yesterday we were pushing father's day ahead so we could have it before grandpa went in for his treatment after his relaps. i ask that you would pray that my grandma be in good spirits for this family easter gathering...which will be a bbq this year, and pray also that the whole family can make it.

i could also use prayers for my self, as i work to strengthen my walk with God. a friend and i are having a mini lent, and i would really appreciate your prayers over the next 9 days as i work through the book of proverbs. thank you all. God is amazing! "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. do not be wise in your own eyes fear the LORD and depart from evil." (proverbs 3:5-7, nkjv). i am learning so much! praise the LORD!

also, the first after school club was today. it was fantastic! we got 9 kids out!! we watched the easter story, hannah barbara version, but it was pretty good. of course Jesus has strawberry blonde hair,a nd very blue eyes, and all the priests looked liek bad guy wizards with bad guy voices, lol but othere than that it was great. "take this and drink from it, it is my blood which will be given up for you and for MANY." i was super impressed. anyway we had snack, asked what the kids thought of when they heard the word easter(interesting answers) then watched the video, and did a craft which was making easter cards for thei parents, and of course everyone did a fantastic job! thank you for your continued prayers for the after school club! the next meeting will be april 19, and we are hoping for even more kids!

grandma update more

2006-04-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

well....it wasn't the terrible news i guess. they are going to operate....on monday:s so thats super soon. we are having easter this weekend, on saterday so that she can have easter with us. she will be in the hospital for about a week after if all goes well. he is going to try to remove it, but he said he doens't konw if there is more cancer because the tumer is soooo huge that he cant see the other organs, so he wont be able to see until he opens her up. if its too bad he will just close her back up. if he can remove it, he will. he said it is a very high risk surgery, her lungs could fail or she could have a heart attack. so please be prayign for her. my mom is upset cuz of my dad's work he will be in cincinatti from monday until thursday so thats really stressfull for her...maybe pray that his work will cancel it, or htat he can get out of it because of the circumstances. apparently my grandpa isn't looking so well so please pray for him too. this is the first time he has found out how bad it is. so please keep praying for my grandma, and my family, and for the doctor that he has wisdom and ability. thank you all for your prayers.

grandma update

2006-04-03T21:04:00.000-04:00

my grandma was supposed to have a doctor's appointment on thusday. however, this got pushed ahead to tomorrow at 4:30. this is when she will get the results of the CT scan. the results are either bad, or really really bad. so please pray that the cancer is only in her bowel, and that it is opperable. this is pretty scarey. she has been going through all her stuff...she gave back all the pictures we have all given her through the years. so yeah...she expects to not make it i think....i have a feeling of peace. but still, please pray for her, and for my family, especially my grandpa because he doens't deal with these things well. neither of them are Christians, nor is anyone in my family except for my grandpa's sister. so please for for them. thank you ya'll. i hope everything is well with you guys.

untitled

2006-04-03T00:12:00.000-04:00

dear reader:
to answer your question, i will try my hardest to never give up on you. God is in control, He gives strength. lean on Him if you are struggling. He will guide you. He will guide me.

a day at val's

2006-04-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

so i went to val's yesterday. firstly may i say that all three, val, lael, and aria, are all beautiful. dennis...you will never get your own again unless while talking to them you refuse to look at their beautiful faces. next, i think that val is a great mom, and i think the girls would agree. lastly, i had such a fun time. we just chaaed for a bit until lael got up from her nap, then we wondered around zellers, fun! spent no money but roamed...it was even exercise! lol then we went back to their house and chatted a bit, and had some pizza, then they took me home...through the thickest fog ever!! lol...we made it though and i sent her home a different way. i love talking to val. sure she is married and has 2 kids, and i am super alone:P but i feel like i connect with her. dear val, i love you! you are a great friend, thank you for having me over:). and lael, keep on wiki tikiing. :)

popularity contest

2006-03-27T22:49:00.000-05:00

why is matt foreman more popular than me? i mean sure he is a fine fellow, but i mean come on...i'm just as fine. mmmm hmmm....

GRANDMA UPDATE

the doctor called my mom today. he said the bowel is completely blocked. he is 99.9% sure it is colan cancer. he also removed some polups...whatever that means. she has her CT scan on friday, that is when we will find out more, like if it is all through her, or if its just the one tumer, and if it is operable. he said she may also need chemo after the surgery, providing he is able to operate. please keep her in your prayers, and my grandpa too, that he can deal with her cancer as wlel as he has been his own.

grandma update

2006-03-24T00:27:00.000-05:00

well things with grandma arent good...at all....the specialst cance guy said that normall if the tumor is this big it has likely spready, but not always. it is the size of a softball. but the doctor said that since she isn't showing any other symptoms the other organs may be fine, and may not have any other tumors on them. she goes otmorrow and he will see if there are any more tumors, so, its colan cancer...which is what her mother died of...my mom just came in and told me. so please keep her in your paryers. she has an appointment tomrrow they are goign to go in and look around...too see if there are more...so please pray for her.

val!

2006-03-20T11:38:00.000-05:00

haha, ok val, freaky thing happened, hahaha...freaky thing...add me on msn, colei20@hotmail.com. haha ok and we will talk about that later.

next on the agenda, and for the rest of ya'll,
grandma gets her blood taken a bunch today, and she sees ther surgen guy on thursday, so he ct scan will be sometime before that. so please remember her in your prayers. my aunt(grandma's sister) said that her friend has the same thing and she is fine now, and the doctor said there should be no problem with her sruviving it, because my grandma asked if she would.

lastly,
it sucks when you have amazing dreams, then you wake up and realize its not real...then your amazing dreams just turn into a nightmare...how sad. this was my morning...i woke up very confused, and the confusion turned to sadness when i realized my dream wasnt reality..i panicked a little and then was ok.

thank you for listening!

grandma4

2006-03-17T23:52:00.000-05:00

turns out that it wasn't her liver the doctor was feeling, it was a tumor on her bowel. the doctore is 90% sure it is cancer. she gets more tests and a ct scan done next week, and will meet with a specialist. and likely within the next few weeks it will be removed. they have given her a high chance of survival, infact its pretty much gaurenteed. it is still scraey, even though its like a billion times better than what we originally thought. thank you all for your prayers, oh and on a good note grandpa is still in remission as of yesterday, he had an appointment at princess margaret hospital. thank you for your continued prayers. i love you all. and just for dennis, i love you val! this is the fourth time i have posted this blog....lets see if it finally works this time.

2006-03-16T15:19:00.000-05:00

my grandma finds out what is wrong today, please pray that that its not horrible news. her appointment is at 445. i will try to post whats going on, please pray that whatever it is it can be fixed.

more prayers

2006-03-13T11:16:00.000-05:00

please pray for my grandma. she is anemic and has an enlarged liver. her ultra sound is today. this is the wife of my grandpa with leukemia, and also the grandma who broke her femer, so please pray for her. and no she doesnt drink.

2006-03-10T13:53:00.000-05:00

whatever

hmm well then

2006-03-07T09:59:00.001-05:00

i think i havde decided to keep posting using luke's name in every post until he comments like he did in the good old days. i know he comments on other people's i saw on matt's...so then this raises the question on coolness in luke's books...is it actually possible that he honestly believes matt foreman is cooler than me? hello...think about it..he isnt. so then why is it luke wont comment on my blog? is he jealous of my stunning good looks? i mean he is a good looking fella' but i guess i can see why he would be jealous. maybe its simply that he likes it when i suffer... but then why not just mail me anthrax... perhaps he forgot i had a blog... although he pretty much made it and people dont just forget their babbies... could it be that he hates me? no that brings us back to anthrax... well i guess i am out of ideas for now...do any of you have some ideas? tell me if you do!

new poem

2006-03-03T21:33:00.000-05:00

when her brain tells her heart to shut up, because the feelings just wont stop. when her lips tell only lies, the truth will always be in her eyes. she needs to hide it from you, because her feelings are so true. she wants to run and get away. you'd never love her anyway.

hey everyone, hope all is well, i haven't posted in a while cuz i was waiting for luke to comment, but he never did...so i am moving on i guess....oh well....i thank all you who did comment:)

hey....

2006-02-18T21:50:00.000-05:00

all ya'll never comment...i look so uncool....i know some people read.....but they never leave comments....some people who may or may not have an aunt shmoo....hmmm......sad....heart.....busted.

its a boy!

2006-02-13T22:21:00.000-05:00

my cousin julie is pregnant and due july first, and today she found out its a boy! how exciting! i also have some advice for the world tonight...that is, communication is key people! relationships can't work without it...not even friendships!

hard questions with no answers.

2006-02-13T00:05:00.000-05:00

its so hard not knowing if someone likes you or not, sometimes you think they do, somtimes you think they dont. you are always wondering always questioning...should i wait for him? should i move on? it makes your heart break because the not knowing eats at it all the time. its so much better just to know...even if its that they don't like you, because then you can move on, or at least start the long process of trying to get over him. sometimes, you just want him to tell you, even if it breaks your heart, because in reality...it is already breaking.

things always change

2006-02-12T00:13:00.001-05:00

yeah...so i guess back to that whole difficult thing...only i am more at ease now...i know i am gonna' be ok. i guess change isn't always bad...even if it feels sooo bad while its happening....when people come into your life you never picture them leaving again...but the truth is...most of them do leave...as painful as it is. there are so many people i don't want to leave..but i know many of them will. i love you all, very much, don't forget while you go through your lives, that someone else will always love you, God.

short stories part 2, read part one first!

2006-02-06T12:23:00.000-05:00

As he drives home through the pouring rain his eyes turn red. His fists clench tighter around the steering wheel as his heart fills with rage. He loosens his grip only to take another drink. He slams on the breaks and skids as he curses at the red light. He honks his horn impatiently as if it will cause it to turn green. He curses louder when it doesn’t work, and smashes his fist off the steering wheel. The second it turns green he screeches his tires as he speeds away. Another red light! Another fit of rage! Cursing so loud a man walking his dog down the street turns to see what the ruckus is. He turns back quickly as the man pounding his fist on the wheel pauses a moment to give him the finger and curse loudly at him. As he pulls into his driveway he rushes to the house, taking no time to turn the car off or shut its door.
Bam! He takes one look at her sitting there, she didn’t do the dishes again. He takes a drink, pulls the gun from inside his coat. He calls her name in a mocking voice, but he doesn’t wait for her to turn around. Bam! The blast is so loud it knocks pictures from the wall. He sits at the table beside her, wipes her blood from his section, and takes a long look at the very thing that turned him into what he has become. He picks it up, and he takes one last drink of that whisky. Picks the gun up off the table and Bam.
He lays there in a pool of his own blood. He can’t see anything, but he can feel everything. The pain is unbearable, but he can’t find the gun. As he lays there, he thinks of all that he has done, all that has happened to her, and knows it is all his fault. As he slowly drifts away, he mumbles softly the words "I’m sorry", and this time, he means it.

2 short stories part 1

2006-02-06T12:21:00.000-05:00

She sits there in awe. Occasionally she looks up from the tiles on the floor to allow her eyes to meet with the clock. This time she stays fixated on the clock for a few moments, and when she lowers her head a single tear hits the tile. She focuses on the tear now, how its unique formation has created a tiny clean spot on the floor. She wonders to herself if perhaps she could clean the entire floor with the tears she has cried lately. She begins to think of how it all happened. Where did she go wrong? How could she not see? As she looks up at the clock again she realizes her eyes are once again so filled with tears she is unable to see what is right in front of her. Back down her head goes quickly, the tears pour over creating more unique clean spots, she focuses on them and realizes they are stains.
Bam! The door flies open she becomes frantic for a moment, and then numb. She closes her eyes. She smells whisky and can see a little girl playing in a field. She runs and runs and dances round and round, all the while picking beautiful flowers for her mother. She has a huge smile, she is so happy, so content, not one tear falls from her eyes to stain the field. She fears nothing, why would she? She has nothing to fear. She sees butterflies, and a light wind blowing the leaves of a near by tree. She runs to the tree and swings off the tire held up by the ropes her father tied for her. She realizes she is the little girl.
A bright light blinds her as she opens her eyes. First she can see nothing, then her mother, a face she hasn’t seen in five years. "Its ok baby girl, you are going to be ok. That son of a bitch thought he killed you then he killed himself. You are safe now baby girl, you don’t have to be afraid again. We can see each other now, he can’t stop us." She smiles, and then closes her eyes for the last time.

difficult

2006-02-05T01:10:00.000-05:00

sometimes life gets really hard. and you have to make decisions you don't want to make...sometimes no matter how hard you pray you can't make someone love you....and then...you have to learn you can't take them with you when you move on...sometimes...you just want to scream because your heart doesn't know if its happy or sad...because in reality its ecstatic and devestaed all at once. growing up is so painful, even when its happy.

i am borring

2006-01-28T21:35:00.000-05:00

well, my life is pretty borring these days. i think things are finally getting sorted out with prairie, thats fabulous! i have to sing alto in choir tomorrow because the main alto(there are only 2 altos) wont be there....that should be interesting...i should have pretended i couldn't...or maybe it wouldn't have been pretending? i sang alto a couple weeks ago, but the main one was there...that made life easier...i am on my own basically now...:( i would so much rather sing soprano....its easy. so there is this internet boy i talk to now. you can pray about that....i think thats all i shall write for now. CONGRATULATIONS TO DENNIS AND VAL ON HAVING DAUGHTER NUMBER 2, AND CONGRATULATIONS TO LAEL ON BECOMING A BIG SISTER! i hope everyone's lives are going well, and that you are all leaning on God. i love you all!

haha

2006-01-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

get out baby!! meet your family!! haha maybe i helped? you are funny val, i love you!

sadness

2006-01-17T13:57:00.000-05:00

i lost the link to your blog:( email it to me? sorry val! how are things going? that baby out yet? update me! i miss you! :( oh look another blog just for you! my life is goign ok, frusterated with prairie stuff, they keep telling me luke and josh all different things :S:S but i am sure it will all get sorted out. my grandma's femer is completely healed, only took 4 months, they thought it would take 8, so thats good. we have at least another month with my grandpa, he went to TO and is still in remission, he is on a drug called glevax, i think its supposed to keep him in remission longer, but it does make him puffy. ummm i guess everything is going pretty good. i hate not being at school, i really miss luke, oh and everyone else of course...but i mean...him the most he is my best friend haha sorry nicki:( hmm oh my mom's ms is getting worse, i wish they would put her on the meds because if they don't she will keep getting worse, if they do she will stop getting worse. she has a really bad memory now. ummm, oh my youngest brother got a fish, and his name is frank...and my other brother got his tongue pierced yesterday...he is way wimpier than i was, and he got in trouble...i didn't:S. after ross's sermon a couple of weeks ago i have felt like i am starting over kinda'. i feel a lot closer to God and like my life is a lot more on track for Him. ross said we need to have 2 new years resolutions, 1. live a life that is pleaseing to God, and 2. eagerly look forward to the second comming. i think its some pretty solid advice, and i have been trying. i am reading my Bible a lot more, and just feel A LOT more content with my life. God is amazing, and its pretty cool how He can speak to us. oh gosh...i did my first solo...it went really well, and i surprised them cuz they didn't know i could sing loud...haha...but yeah...man oh man that was the most nerve racking thing i have experienced in quite sometime. as soon as i finished singing i just started shaking...a lot! i was sure the whole church could see my blue choir binder vibrating! haha...but now that that's over i am sure the next time will be easier...right? yeah, things are good, and i really hope they are good with you too! dannis, val, lael, and spruce easton....it just fits you see? go with it...haha miss you val, email me your blog again...i will save it as a favorite this time i promise!

Does anybody hear her?

2006-01-11T00:58:00.000-05:00

Does Anybody Hear Her Lyrics Casting Crowns

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years olderAnd she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affectionThat she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

Never even met her
Never even met her

Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

- Thank you Jesus for letting someone see.